Through the Hole

Rohan left on Sunday for another one of those work trips that never end. By Tuesday night I was climbing the walls. We haven’t had sex in almost three months. Not even half-hearted stuff. He comes home, eats, scrolls, falls asleep. I lie there staring at the ceiling with my hand under the sheet like some pathetic teenager. I started watching things I never used to watch. One night I typed “anonymous sex” and then “glory hole” just to see. I told myself it was just curiosity. Then I saved the address of that place near the industrial park.

Wednesday I left the office at 2:30 and drove there. I sat in the car for twenty minutes with the engine running. I almost left. Twice. Then I thought about how Rohan hadn’t even called the night before, just a short text saying meetings were running late. I got out.

The building looks like nothing. Plain door. Inside it smells like bleach and old carpet and something else underneath that I don’t want to name. The guy at the counter took my money without looking at my face. I walked past the rows of black curtains. Some of them were moving a little. I picked one at the far end and went in.

The booth is tiny. Chair. Screen playing porn with the sound off. And the hole. Just this round black hole in the wall at about waist height, rubber around the edge. I locked the door and stood there like an idiot. My hands were shaking. I sat down. Waited.

Nothing happened for a long time. I almost got up and left. Then the rubber moved and a cock came through. Just like that. Already half hard. Thick. I stared at it. My heart was going so hard I could feel it in my throat. I reached out and touched it. It twitched. I wrapped my fingers around it and it got harder. Pre-cum on the tip. I leaned in and put my mouth on it before I could talk myself out of it.

It tasted clean. A little salty. I sucked the head and the guy on the other side made a low sound. That sound did something to me. I took more. My eyes were closed. I was thinking about Rohan and then I stopped thinking about him because if I kept going I’d stop what I was doing and I didn’t want to stop. Spit ran down my chin. I had one hand on the wall and the other under my dress. I was so wet it was ridiculous. I came with that cock in my mouth, quiet, shaking. He came a minute later. I swallowed most of it. Some dripped on my dress.

I stayed on my knees after he pulled out. Breathing hard. Then another one came through. Longer this time. I didn’t even wait. I just opened my mouth and took it. This one pushed deeper. I let him. I was touching myself again the whole time. When he finished he pulled out and came on my lips and chin. I licked what I could. The rest stayed there.

I was still kneeling when the third one appeared. That was when I turned around. I don’t even remember deciding. I just pulled my dress up, put my hands on the opposite wall, and backed up until I felt him against me. He pushed in slow. I was so ready it slid in easy. The feeling of being full like that anonymous, no face, nothing made me make a sound I didn’t recognize. He fucked me steady. Not rough, just deep. I came again with my forehead against the wall. He came inside me. I felt it.

Two more after that. One of them grabbed my hips through the hole and pulled me back onto him hard. The other was quieter. By the end my knees hurt from the floor and my thighs were sticky and my mouth tasted like all of them. I wiped myself with those thin brown paper towels that fall apart. Tried to fix my dress. Unlocked the door and walked out without looking at anyone.

In the car I just sat there. The smell of it was still on me. I drove home with the windows down. Rohan’s flight got delayed so the apartment was empty. I took a long shower but I could still feel it. That night I kept waking up with my hand between my legs.

This morning I made coffee and opened my laptop. I didn’t delete the address. I already know I’m going back on Thursday during lunch. Rohan texted that he misses me. I wrote back “miss you too” while I was still a little sore from yesterday.

I keep telling myself it was just once.

I already know that’s not true.