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Through many detours, I will accompany you

Through many detours, I will accompany you

By charles fryPublished 4 months ago 8 min read

On Mother's Day, May 11th, this article is dedicated to the parents who raised their children with wisdom.

You've heard it all before:

"Child, I do this for your own good, do not listen to the old man, suffer in front of you!"

"I've been there, I know what's right!"

"You hate me now, but you'll thank me when you're older!"

'If I don't warn you now, you'll blame me if you suffer in the future!

But I don't know if you've heard this before:

"I don't know any more about it than you do, boy. You must try!"

"I can't tell you what's right. You're responsible for your choices!"

"You may be wrong, but who can be right every time? I can't do it either."

"If you hit a wall, my heart is always open for you, but I can't make any decisions for you."

When it comes to children at family gatherings in the United States, a common theory is that "a doctor's son is not a doctor." "The son of the king of the ball is certainly not the king of the ball." If the parents of Reagan, an actor in his youth, and George W. Bush, a drug-taking, rock-and-roll prodigal, had worked so hard to get them back on track, there might have been no presidents since.

Let the child detour the truth is that it is their own choice, somewhere, all the choices together, into a winding but logical path. If the parents get in the way, the road is broken. There's no logical connection. Don't let the child detour, leave the child will not be a straight road, but a broken road, it will be a lifetime of children to face the blank and passive. In fact, as long as you can choose freely, is happy, even if it is a tortuous road.

Detours or straight roads, their own walk is the most important

When I was studying at McGill University in Canada, my mentor Friedmen invited me to the wedding of his daughter. I was surprised to find out that his daughter was 19 years old, had not yet graduated from college, and was an Indian major, not taking up Friedmen's mantle of applied psychology.

Later, after a group discussion, I asked him, "Why didn't you direct her to a better path?" Friedmen looked at me lovingly with his blue eyes: "What is the better way?" I thought and said, "Let her choose a good major..." Friedmen interrupts: "So what is a good major?" I said, "Applied psychology, finance, international relations..." Friedmen: "And then?" "Then she can go into a good institution and become a professional, find a suitable husband and live a happy life."

Friedmen laughs. "But I know for sure right now that my daughter is happy." "If I had brutally stopped her from seeing Joe and forced her to study finance, which she didn't like, yes, she might have gone along with me, joined a good institution and found a man with more money and status than Joe, but then what? And then she'll wake up one ordinary night and think her life has no meaning at all. She's in a job she doesn't like, she's married to someone she doesn't like, and maybe she'll use some psychological cues to help her get through it, but more likely than not, she'll end up having to come to me because she's depressed."

"Now, she gets married early and may go through all the difficulties of being a wife and mother, and even delay her studies. She studied a deviant specialty and could lose her job or be sent to do social work in a slum thousands of miles away, without food or clothing, and worried about contracting disease. I can see all this clearly in front of my eyes, and of course my heart aches, but I know that she will not complain, she will actively seek happiness behind every bit of hardship, so her life is complete. If she is happy with her life, then it is the right path for her. If she's unhappy, she'll come back, so why do I bother?"

"Let the child face the road she has chosen, even if it is wrong, she will gain valuable experience and lessons, even if one day put her in the forest, she may find the right way out. On the contrary, the parents who have always arranged the sunny road for their children cut off their children's ability to choose and the courage to face the wrong road. In fact, detours and straight roads are the most important."

A child who does not deviate is not a child

Semantha told me that when she is with her son George, she tells herself more to "hold back," to keep her mouth shut and not tell him what to do. In the United States, a nagging mother who says "I told you so" is ridiculed and considered old-fashioned and uneducated.

Once George fell in love with a girl and was so smitten with her that he used his bicycle money to buy her a present. Semantha knew the girl was just playing, but she couldn't tell. She just watched.

Later that night, George excitedly announced that the girl had agreed to go out with him. Semantha wanted to unmask her, but she couldn't. She asked him nonchalantly, "Did you have security measures?" George was so moved that he kissed her and said, "Don't worry, it's all ready." Then he drove off in his car.

Semantha said, "That's it. I cursed him a thousand times, a thousand times I wanted to say to him, 'You're ruining yourself! Don't go! You'll be sorry! But I had to beat drums and gongs to get him there, because that was the way he had to go."

He was upset when she decided he was mean not to lend her a car and broke up with her on the spot. Back at home, Semantha knew what was going on and, seeing George dejected, touched him on the head and said, "If you have a fire, pour it all on me, because I know exactly how you feel, and I am safe and will always love you."

If Semantha had tried to stop him in the first place, George might have listened, but he might have decided that the girl was his regret for the rest of his life, which, at worst, might have turned into an elopement.

Semantha says she has no power to stop her son from going down the wrong path, but she has the power to stand at the end of the wrong path, waiting for him, soothing him with her love, giving him the courage to choose the right path, and letting him feel lucky and happy after he has learned his lesson. There is no life without detours, just like a child who grows up without falling. When the child falls, wait for him to stand up and give him encouragement and confidence to continue walking. This is what parents should and need to do.

Through many detours, I will accompany you

When Lilywas 4 years old, her father took her on a trip to the Mediterranean Sea. When they were halfway up the mountain, a local man pointed out a shortcut for them, and other tourists all went to that road, but Lily refused. Instead of forcing her, her father fastened her backpack and held her hand and continued to climb.

The lonely and warm figure of the father and daughter has been frozen in Lily's life since then. Her father never makes decisions for herself, but accompanies her to experience. Lily has realized this since childhood. When she was in elementary school, there was a time when she was obsessed with cartoons and often did not finish her homework. Her father's response was to put away her textbooks and watch TV with her. It was not until her exam results came out that Lily's teacher called her father to school to educate him. Lily realized that her behavior had brought her father to be criticized.

In the second year of high school, Lily suddenly wants to participate in the American Idol competition. She is a little tone-deaf, but her father fully supports her, writing banners, pasting slogans, making t-shirts for her, and encouraging her family to be her support group. The result can be imagined, she was eliminated in the audition, Lily was very sad out, was hugged by her father immediately, the two of them crying.

At Lily's wedding, her father gave a toast. He said, "Dear, I don't know if you choose the right man or not, but all the time, we laugh or cry together, so you don't have to be afraid or upset, as long as you are brave to love, it is right."


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