The Start Of My Journey Of Becoming A Dom

Hello everyone, my name is Jeff, but my wife can be referred to as, “My Sub.”

So around 3 weeks ago my sub was telling me about one of her Subs. She’s an Online Sex Worker who makes videos and things like that. She also provides virtual femdom services and we wound up talking and about it and she turned to me and said she would be interested in entering that dynamic with me. We’ve had a pretty interesting sex life and had dabbled in that area in the bedroom, but that’s where it stayed.

When she brought it up, I was a little hesitant. I’ve always been a pretty laid-back guy. I’ve been labeled the nice guy or the safe guy so many times it’s not even funny. You know the type, right? The guy that’s always there for the girl when she needs a strong shoulder to cry on but is too safe for them at that point in their life. That was pretty much me. My father had raised me to never raise your hand to strike a woman. He instilled this into me when I was seven or eight and one of my little sister’s friends kept coming up and hitting me and I’d finally taken enough and smacked her on the back. He proceeded to beat my ass and lecture me on how a man even a little boy should never raise their hand to cause harm to a woman. From that point on, I had never raised a hand or paddle to a woman.

I did agree to my sub’s desire to become my sub, and I began doing as much research as I possibly could on the subject. And damn, was there a ton. I’d only ever thought of it as tying someone up and maybe some light paddling. Nope, that’s only just scratching the surface and mostly that’s just the play for vanilla people looking to spice things up a little.

What it entails is so much more than that, and I don’t think I could fit it into just a blog. And by no means am I close to being an expert on this subject. The more I read about it, the more I began to see it as a way to help her. My sub has been through a lot in her life. She’s dealt with a mentally and sometimes physically abusive and borderline sociopathic mother. Her first marriage was to a man that was even more physical and psychologically abusive. Her second marriage was to a man that many would consider a Narcissist. Then there’s me, her third and better be last marriage. We’d met 10 years ago when we both worked for a traveling carnival. But that is a whole other story all on its own.

Well, for that first week we settled into our roles, taking it slow and working out daily rules and rituals. I wanted the fundamental rituals and rules to help her better herself in some way. Like in the mornings before she get’s to do anything else she has to say her mantra. “I am a Beautiful and Sexy Woman.” Or because she’s always saying that she needs to drink more water I made it so she has to drink at least two 1-liter bottles of water a day. If she doesn’t then she is punished.

Writing the punishments was a little harder than I thought they would be, considering I never thought I would ever punish the woman that I love more than anything. Thank god for the internet though. I learned a lot more than I thought I would. I learned the differences between fun-ishment and actual punishment, and I’m still having to catch myself from going to fun-ishment when she doesn’t complete one of her daily tasks that requires an actual punishment.

She’s the one that had to tell me to stop going to fun-ishment. That the punishments are there to help her better herself and to correct those problems. My sub was correct of course and so yes when she is deserving of an actual punishment that is what she will receive. It will either be a spanking by my hand, the paddle, the crop, or the flogger. I also incorporated a frozen metal butt-plug when she hasn’t done one task. So far, I’ve only had to use that one once. Her fun-ishments are along the lines of bringing her right to the edge of orgasm several times but never letting her go past it. Or wearing one of her remote toys that I control. Something that’s slightly annoying in her regular routine, but also a little pleasurable at the same time. I enjoy those the most.

In our second week, we had come to the point where we had to sit down and define exactly what she was wanting from me out of this additional part of our relationship. My sub has an issue with letting someone else take full control. It wasn’t so much that she just wants to be the one to control the entire thing. She was scared of what would happen if she were to give someone else that power over her.

After the talk though, she left me in full control, total power exchange. I collared her the next night, and it has been pretty good. My sub has a bratty side to her that I actually quite enjoy. She likes to push the limits here and there, but that’s mostly because she kind of likes the spankings. We’ve started to incorporate it into our Online Sex work some.

We had our first session not too long ago, and it was a pretty long one. The first part of it was mostly to see how far and how long I could take her with pleasure. It started off with our ritual for scenes where she gets on her knees to confess whether she’s had any naughty thoughts or deeds throughout her day. Then we talk about what is going to happen in the scene itself. I explained that for the first part it was going to be pleasure until she couldn’t go any further. The second part would be the punishment session. And so we began.

For the first part of it, I used just about every toy we have on her. From butt-plugs to each of her vibrators, I used each of them to see her climax repeatedly. As she played, I would occasionally use the crop or paddle to help enhance it. This session lasted for over an hour. It was exceptionally hot. I wanted to push her to limits that she hasn’t reached before. She orgasmed over a dozen times and at one point we had to stop for a minute to drink some water. Then we continued until she just couldn’t go on with the pleasure.

Then came the impact session. After over an hour of her climaxing from the toys, her pussy had finally gone numb from the vibrations. That’s when we moved into the impact play. Throughout the entire pleasure scene, even though she was cuffed, and only had enough room to move her arms to hold the vibrator in place. And with her legs restrained, she could always see me and had a little bit of freedom. When we moved into the impact session, I took that away from her.

I ran the cuffs through the headboard so she couldn’t move them, and it added some strain to her arms. Then I took my necktie and blind-folded her so she could no longer see and turned the music up so it would make it harder for her to hear me moving. Then I proceeded to use everything we have for punishment.

The paddle is leather and flexible, but it has little metal studs. The flogger isn’t anything special, but its tails are long enough to wrap around her legs. Then there’s the crop. Just your ordinary riding crop. But I didn’t just use the tip of it. The shaft is bendable but still rigid and can be used like a cane.

My sub wanted me to put her into the mindset of being a sub. She wanted to be brought to tears. I gave her that. My sub lasted 13 minutes of being paddled, switched, flogged, and spanked. I covered only the parts of her body that we had discussed prior, the back or her arms, parts of her back, her ass, and her thighs. At the end of the 13 minutes, she finally broke and gave our safe word.

As soon as she said it, I dropped the switch and undid her restraints. I had done enough research to understand that aftercare is as important, if not more so than the actual session. For one she is letting someone she knows and loves to beat her. So, I wanted to make sure she understood that I was no longer in the punishment role.

I specifically wore a button-up shirt, which for me is not something that I do except for on special occasions. I took that off as soon as she was unrestrained and grabbed her blanket I had sat in front of the heater. Before the session, I had sprayed it with the cologne she loves, and I wrapped it around her. I then went and shut off the cameras we had set up beforehand to record the session. Then I grabbed two chocolate bars that I had bought for this reason. I removed my boots so I wouldn’t be that much more domineering.

She asked for hot chocolate and I got it for her, and one of her stuffed animals. Then we sat there in the darkened room in silence. I let her process everything that had happened during the session and let her know that she was safe and loved. After that, we went to bed and cuddled.

I won’t lie stepping into that role for the first time wasn’t easy. I knew we would get to that point; I had just planned on it being a little further down the line. So, I didn’t fully prepare for it and hadn’t braced for what would happen, not so much to her afterward but to me as well. I had been too busy focusing on her and the care that she would need afterward; I didn’t think what it would do to me mentally.

I’d read about sub-drop and Dom-drop, but I hadn’t really put much into the Dom-drop. The following day I definitely felt it. I almost couldn’t look into my wife’s eyes, let alone my sub’s, knowing that I had done that to her. She woke up for around forty minutes, but she was still feeling the drop-off and went back to bed. She wound up sleeping for almost another six hours and when she got up; she was happier and more chipper than I had seen her for a while. I, on the other hand, was grumpy and small things would get on my nerves or annoy the piss out of me. I was like that for two days before I felt like I was getting back to normal. I kind of put us on a break over those next few days. I didn’t punish her quite as often or found alternative punishments before I could get back to giving her the punishments.

Now we’re going into our third week and tonight she is ready for another session. I’ll post regularly so that you can follow along my journey of becoming a Dom to my sub (my wife). I’ll write about what I’m finding works and what doesn’t and home that it’ll help others that are just starting out as well to learn from my mistakes.