The Lifestyle Jeopardy

It's raining outside. Rain has a way of bringing sensual thoughts to my mind. Memories of past rainy days and special trysts appear in my mind. Some make me smile and some make me laugh to myself. The smiles are for the really good moments, remembered. The inner laughter is directed at myself almost always because I surprise myself with my ability to bury so much and so many. It's true that it's better to laugh than cry. There is always an element of sadness, but I embrace all of it as paths along my road that simply had to be investigated further. In those past days every encounter was, to me, safe, centered around fun and carefree. When I look back at it now, it seems to me that I was more like a girl of eighteen than forty. Doing things for the experience or adventure of it. Learning about the mysteries of sex and men and what it all meant.

These rainy day memories take me down the back road to when my overtly sexual life began. It all began with the meeting of my soon to be second husband and ended to a large extent; a few years before he became my ex-husband. The most incredulous, interesting, and sorrowful thing is that all of my sexual awakening happened within the years of an otherwise "normal" marriage. I often wonder how the relationship between us would have gone if I had not made the decision to try the "lifestyle" or "swinging" scene with his guidance and encouragement. Like every couple, we had our issues, but we also had a strong love for each other once.

Our love was so strong, that even when we had discussions about any possible entanglements outside of ours; it seemed impossible to fathom. We fearlessly went forward and began the game of "Lifestyle Jeopardy."

First were swinging clubs, to get my feet wet. Next were online hookups with other couples. Then as our circle grew, we partied with a regular, set group of friends, attended giant swinging house parties and on and on and on. As I stated early on, I can hold no deep regret for my actions and where they led me to. However, like all of us, I must wonder about the path(s) that I chose not to take; and likewise, where they would have taken me in contrast. These memories all surface in me like the raindrops bouncing off of the pavement. Quick and heavy, bringing the monsoon of my recent past life to me.

There were many joys in partaking and participating in this modern day Roman orgy. I developed confidence in every way as a woman. Before this experience, I appeared confident, but did not feel a true confidence in myself. Analyzing personalities and persons has always been a part of who I am; so this arena was full of players to learn through. Watching behavior and seeing a pattern develop is a skill almost like math. As they say, the numbers don't lie. Neither do the behavioral patterns of others. You must watch closely. I also felt extremely liberated and gave myself kudos for being such an open-minded and modern thinking wife, who could freely give this gift to my husband. Thinking back on it nowadays, it appears more to me like a very dangerous cocktail. Be very careful before you drink the Kool-aid. You have no idea, believe me, where it could lead you or how it may have the power to change your entire life, as well as someone else's life.

You meet incredibly intelligent and interesting people within the lifestyle circle. However, the reason that all off us were there was to engage in and experience the fantasy ideal of free sex, open sex, and sex for sex's sake. After a period of time, you realize the part you play. It's hard to describe, but it's kinda like being invited to a birthday party or a holiday gathering; everyone is supposed to be happy or celebrating. Even if you don't feel the excitement, you play along like you do. Swinging is like that. The women go along with the game. Roles are played. After a while, it's not much different than being in your less than completely satisfying one-on-one relationship. You can certainly lose your individuality in a group mentality. When you enter this circle you will be told only a few rules. I believed these initially, but after time you realize that they are really only used as candy to lure you in. They are designed to wipe away the emotional angst you may feel. Like most rules they are always broken.

1. Love is Love and Sex is Sex (there is supposed to be no love involvement in the circle, only sex)
2. You know who you are going home with (this means that no matter what happens, it's okay.. .you know who you are "with" at the end of the party)

Before you take the leap: A list of questions to ask yourself if you are invited into the lifestyle circle.

Am I "okay" with:

• Losing the relationship I have now?
• Becoming a different version of the person I am now?
• The discovery of my sexual power and prowess?
• Seeing myself as an entirely sexual being?
• Sleeping with persons that I don't know much about?
• Other people in my life learning of my actions?
• Playing the role of sexual object and being completely objectified?
• The realization that I don't yet know whose life I may touch and alter in ways positive and negative and vice versa?

If you are a man or a woman and have fantasized about or seriously considered swinging with your partner; I hope this article has helped you with your thinking on this topic. Yes... there are some beautiful and freeing moments to be had in debauchery. Sometimes things are also better left as fantasy. You will have to choose for yourself and your situation. Your life will be changed forever. With that said... may the odds always be in your favor.