The Lady In Merlot

It's 9:02. Checking the time, I feel irritation rising from my feet. Where is she? She was supposed to be here at 8:30. My irritation turned to worry and then to sadness in a matter of seconds.

"Maybe I was stood up." I slowly get up. Then a shadow hovers over me, and I look up.

"Sorry for running late." my date Agate, turns red and quietly sits down. I observe her from the other side of the table, stunned. She's wearing a deep dark red color dress that hugs her body and a long black cardigan. Her face, with minimial makeup except for her lips, is covered in a shining red gloss.

"It's okay." I squeaked then turn to the waitress approaching us. "Sorry for the holdup. The restaurant is packed this evening." She takes a quick look at my date and makes a face, then clicks her pen. "What can I get for yall?"

"I will have a glass of Merlot and some calamari to start with, and for the main dish, chicken alfredo." I look at my date and feel my face get hot. "I'm sorry, I should have let you go first."

She shakes her head and gives the warmest smile, showing me the gap in her teeth. "It's okay, I just need to go to the restroom." she turns red after sharing that with me.

"Oh." I look to the waitress for directions for her.

"Men's bathroom is down the hall," she says without looking up from her notepad.

"Where's the women's restroom?" I ask loudly. I bit the corners of my mouth, and stare at her in defiance.

"Oh, it's okay, don't worry." says my date and runs to relieve herself. A still silence is left between the waitress and me. I bit my lower lip to keep myself from smiling. She knows that she identifies as a woman, yet she proceeded to be rude. How dare she.

"Do you know what he's having?" she says, after popping her gum.

"SHE will have a glass of merlot as well. Emmolo, please." After she leaves, I let out a sigh. Looking out the window, I see the night sky, with hints of pink and purple from the afternoon paintings. I look down at my nails, painted blue. The color takes me back to a memory of me coming out to my parents. My parent's reaction was a huge blue wave of emotions, from confusion to disdain, leaving me feeling washed out. Explaining pansexuality to them was already a challenge, but what was more of a challenge was holding back tears as they told me; it was just my depression making me think those thoughts.

Moving out, I decided to continue my freelance writing full-time and go to college to pursue my degree in creative writing. I was making money doing what I loved, expressing in writing. But, I wanted someone who could be the first to read that writing when I was done. The person I first saw in the morning.

I've always had pretty bad relationships with the men I've dated in the past. Either I was too much or too little for them. I wanted to date women and see where that could go. But, what would my role be? Would I be submissive? Would I be the more "male" example in the relationship? I'm already a feminine woman, to begin with. What if I wasn't feminine enough?

"Okay, I have your Emmolo Merlot and your glasses." says the waiter. I look up and realize it's someone different. We meet eyes, and he says, "Cathy decided to switch with me instead." he smiles.

I smile back, feeling relieved, but not fully. "How is he going to react?" I thought. I don't want my date to leave early; I still want to know her a bit. In the corner of my eye, I see her gracefully walk from the restroom hallway and gently sit down in her seat.

"Do you want a moment to decide on what you want yet, Miss?" He said Miss. I sigh a loud breath of relief, feeling content.

"Yes, please," she says, turning to me; her eyes glisten, and a smile creeps on her face. I can feel my heart beating fast.

I grab the bottle of Merlot and pour some for her and then for myself. After clinking our glasses, she takes a sip and closes her eyes as if fully taking in the wine.

"What do you see, Agate?" I ask.

"I see pink and tones of orange. It makes me feel like a sunset." she opens her hazel eyes.

"Sunsets are beautiful, aren't they?" I ask.

She nods and looks out the window. "That's actually why I was late this evening. I like to light some sage and watch the sunset. It's been my routine since I could remember."

I nod. Looking at the weather app, the puzzle pieces came together. "8:45 pm," I read aloud.

"I'm happy you came through. I thought you stood me up." I giggle, and she laughs with me. It's going well. I'm happy she's happy.

She takes another sip and eyes my calamari but says nothing. I push the plate to her. "Do you want some?"

She smiles and nods. She takes one and slowly chews. She takes another sip and closes her eyes.

"How do you feel when it comes to trying new things?" she asked.

This question took me aback. I reach for the wine bottle and pour myself another glass. The bitterness of the wine tingles on my lips, and I focus my gaze on the glass.

"New things are a bit scary. But I think scary feelings are just excitement." I look up to see her stare at my drink.

"You good? That was your 3rd glass." she looks worried. I nod and explain to her that I tend to disassociate. She reaches from across the table and carefully grabs the bottle. "Did you take a Uber here?"

"Yeah. I probably shouldn't be drinking this much. I'm honestly nervous. I've never dated a trans woman before." I look up, nervous. "I'm sorry, I meant I've never dated a woman."

"It's okay. I am a trans woman. I won't get offended. Besides, you understand and respect my identity. I appreciate that." she smiles and reached to grab my hands. Her hands feel warm, and the smell of her perfume is light and sweet.

"Thank you for earlier. I'm sorry she upset you,” the feelings of her hands make me feel safe and comforted. I slowly pull away. I don't want to get attached. I want to see where it will go first.

"Don't apologize. She was intentionally rude to you, and I don't like that." I start feeling jittery and reach for the bottle, suddenly realizing she took the bottle away earlier.

"I don't want you to un-ground yourself, Capricorn," she says softly. I smile and look up to see her face. A smirk creeps up her face, and she starts to laugh, covering her mouth.

"Aren't you a Leo?" I say back, feeling playful. Her face turns to the color of her hair, and she giggles.

I look out the door and get a feeling to go somewhere else. "Agate, do you want to go somewhere else, drink some more and talk in a more private place?" she looks at me while drinking another glass and nods. " My place is actually around the corner. Do you want to go and chat?"