Survivor’s remorse

They thought they were safe on the Carpathia. But at 8:30am on April the 15th, the skies were overcast and threats of more ice, fog and even an upcoming sea-storm were in the air. The 705 survivors of the sinking of the Titanic, most were women and children and one man by the name of Daniel Buckley who was smuggled onto one of the boats during the confusion, all huddled together around the deck of the ship.

Josephine stare at Daniel with a look that was not a good one. “I don’t know who smuggled you aboard whichever lifeboat you were smuggled on when there were other women who should have been put on in your place.”

Maria was horrified by what she heard, she tried to quiet her wife, but to no avail.

“I have a feeling your survival will be short lived.” Josephine almost hissed.

[NOTE: Daniel Buckly’s survival was indeed short lived. Daniel later joined the 69th Infantry Regiment of the US Army during WWI and was killed in action on October 15, 1918, during the Meuse-Argonne offensive.]

“The same can be said about you,” Daniel barked, “why you two… “Sisters” I think you like to be called had to be rescued is beyond my comprehension!”

“ENOUGH!” Maria snapped.

“Karma’s coming for you, it may take a year or so, but she will take your life in return for the--.” Josephine felt a sharp stinging sensation on the side of her face.

“I said ENOUGH!” Maria said, indicating she was the one who gave Josephine a slap on the face, she didn’t like the sudden mean streak that the usually playful girl she was attached to was displaying.

“I’m sorry,” Josephine sighed. “I get that when I get tired and cranky.”

“We’ll all be huddled together on the deck of this crate for the next couple of days,” Maria spoke lowly to Josephine, “and during that time we don’t need to be at one another’s throats.”

“OK,”

“Besides, we’re supposed to be advocates for tolerance and understanding,” Maria continued, “how do you think it makes us look if we don’t tolerate someone else simply because we don’t agree with them on one or two issues?”

“Kind of silly I guess,” Josephine leaned her head against Maria’s chest.

“Come on,” Maria lifted the blanket that she was shivering under, and beckoned Josephine to join her, “I know how snuggling makes you feel better.”

“OK,” Josephine joined Maria under the blanket and added her own to the mix, when their bodies came together, they began to feel one another’s warmth.

“Feel better?” Maria asked.

“Much,” Josephine pecked Maria on the cheek.

“Oh, you can do better than that!”

Josephine planted her lips onto Maria’s and went in for a long kiss. “Better?”

“Much.” But Maria wasn’t satisfied with even what she got and gave Josephine an even bigger kiss.”

“Well,” Daniel the forementioned male survivor said, “I see they’re not too shy on displays of public affection,”

“Oh, I don’t know,” a rather attractive middle-aged woman with ornate cloths belted out, “I think they look kinda cute together.”

“Thank you,” Maria said through the kiss.

“Say, aren’t you the two ladies the captain married on our first night out?”

“Uh huh.” Maria said lazily.

“I was one of the witnesses to the ceremony. Kind of crazy, but it worked.”

Maria listened to the woman drone on as she tried to let herself enjoy a moment of intimacy with Josephine. She managed to muster out; “That’s nice.”

“The name’s Brown by the way.” A hand reached out to greet Maria. “Miss Molly Brown.”

“Maria Parker,” Maria slipped her hand out from under the blanket and met Molly’s hand in an awkward handshake, “the girl snuggling with me under the blanket is Josephine Parker.”

“Well,” Molly said, “I guess I’ll leave you two to your thing.”

“Aren’t you going to have them put an end to that disgusting display of distasteful debauchery?” Daniel cried out with an almost hateful hiss.

“Listen, you’re lucky to be on this ship, if it weren’t for Miss Maddie smuggling you aboard the lifeboat, you would be floating face down in that water like so many people who tried to jump ship.” Molly looked Daniel right in the eyes.

“But?”

“But maybe you don’t realize exactly who I am do you?”

“You already said--.”

“Beyond the name. I am an activist and lobbyist for woman’s rights; the right to vote, the right to join the workforce and yes, while exactly not one of my platforms, I even support the right for women to choose who they want to spend their life with without ridicule or having someone make that choice for them.”

“But the way their kissing.”

“What,” Josephine finally heard enough, and abruptly sat up, “am I kissing the woman I love wrong?”

Daniel’s lips were flapping, but he was saying nothing.

“Or,” Josephine climbed out of the layers of blankets into the coldness of the room, “do you want to give me a kiss, a nice big wet kiss?”

“The thought had crossed my mind.”

“OK.”

“Not again,” Maria muttered, as it was just the other day that she gave a crewman on the Titanic a glimpse of full-frontal nudity just to make him go bonkers for a moment.

“Close your eyes and lean down for a kiss,” As Daniel did so, Josephine lifted up the dress she was wearing and waved her backside in the air, “ready?”

Daniel gave Josephine a big sloppy wet kiss right on the crack of the ass.

“Savor the moment, because this is the only kiss you’re going to give me!”

As Daniel realized where his lips were planted, he pulled back and wiped his mouth clean.

“Why do you always have to do that kind of stuff to people?” Maria asked.

“Because it’s so damned funny!” Josephine settled back under the blanket.

“That’s true,” Maria wrapped her arms around Josephine.

The next few days were rough, they had gone through ice and fog, then on the final day, the ocean started getting rough, and because of the rough waves, the ship almost capsized twice, which was beginning to freak a few people, especially Josephine out to no end, the ship rocked one way, then snapped to the other, which threw Josephine against the wall she and Maria had taken some refuge from the wind and rain.

“Make it stop!” Josephine said through a scream. “Make it stop!”

“I think I liked her better when she was kissing.” Daniel muttered.

“Shut the fuck up!” Josephine barked.

“OK,” Molly Brown placed a hand on either side of Josephine’s face, “I want to try an experiment.”

“What?” Josephine found herself looking at the face before her.

“Look at me as you listen to the waves. You are not on a ship that is in the middle of a storm at sea. You are in a world of your own creation where you are in complete control of the environment.”

“Where am I then?”

“You are at the seashore, out on the breakers that jet way out into the ocean. There are waves, but they will do you no harm, because the waves are broken apart on the breakers. Let the water from that broken wave fall onto you as it may, as the intensity of the wave has been eliminated. Feel the water as it falls harmlessly onto your body doing you no harm. The salt water invigorates your skin and washes all of your sorrows away.”

“How do you feel now,” Maria asked.

“More relaxed,” Josephine said.

“You can return to that breaker any time you want, for it is now a part of your consciousness. And remember you are in full control of that little world, even the wave itself is at your command.”

“Thank you for the help on getting her settled down. Can anybody do that hypnotism trick because it would be a nice trick to know.”

“It’s neither hypnotism nor a trick, it’s more what you might want to call a subliminal suggestion. All you really need to do is stimulate any one or all of the five senses in a positive light; a favorite smell, sound, sight, taste, touch and so forth and have them focus on that.”

“I see.”

“Another thing that works just as well is lowly singing a lullaby while you’re caressing the subject, or anything of that nature.”

All at once a short time later, they could hear the sounds of other ships tugboats and the like around them as it seemed as though they were coming into the harbor. It took several minutes for the ship to come into harbor, dock and for the crew to do all of their docking maneuvers. All at once, Captain Arthur Rostron presented himself to the 705 passengers on their part of the deck. “Ok, sorry about the rough entrance, but I’m not in control of the waves. Nor am I in control of what is waiting around the pier.”

“Lots of people?” Molly asked, her eyes finally took notice of the people on the pier.

“All with questions that need answers. But there is nothing that you need to answer to. The ones who have to answer a lot of hard questions are the officials of the White Star Line, they were the ones who allowed the Titanic to go on her voyage without the proper numbers of lifeboats, much needed equipment and even key personnel. They will even try to hold Captain Smith solely responsible.”

“I can say one thing,” Maria said, “at least as far as me and my… sister are concerned, he was a God damned hero that was put into a situation that was already well out of control before he even stepped on board.”

Most if not all of the other passengers yelled out in agreement.

“Everybody, please try to remember that in the coming days; as I’m sure that many will bring even his competency into check as a way to cover their own asses.” Captain Rosron replied.

Josephine finally found herself on solid ground, as people rushed to meet people most of who were not on board the Carpathia, calling out for people who would never come. Someone realized there were only 705 people on board. “There is another rescue ship coming in, right. Right?” “What about--?” “Oh, God NO!”

Molly Brown helped to make sure that both girl’s immigration papers were in order, then when all was said and done and they no longer needed to be there, she took both Josephine and Maria by the hand just as Maria shoved the immigration papers into a satchel she was carrying, the only baggage she managed to grab. “I see a way out. Keep your head down and just push your way through. Don’t stop for anybody.”

“OK.”

With Maria and Josephine in tow like two children on either side of her, Molly brown marched her way through the thinnest part of the crowd, most people stepped aside as she made her way through, but there were one or two she had to be a little bit more aggressive with. Even when they were clear of the crowds, they didn’t stop until they were several blocks away.

“So,” Molly asked after catching her breath, she noticed that they were inside a covered gazebo in a little park area, which was a nice place for them to sit down rest out of the rain and go over a few things. “What are your plans?”

“Initially our plans were just to get out of Southampton and away from my crime boss father, both for different reasons,” Maria responded.

“But we have no money, no place to go--.” All at once, Josephine caught the look from Maria. “Right?”

“Josephine, we have money, and plenty of it.” Maria held up a large satchel she was keeping close to her, “I managed to grab some money from my father’s safe, a lot of it.”

“You stole money from your crime boss father?” Josephine squeaked out. “Are you insane? When he discovers the money is gone, he’ll begin his search for us anew.”

“Not going to happen,” Maria sighed, “it could take him a long time to even discover it’s gone, let alone a myriad of other factors will prevent him from following us.”

“If I remember correctly,” Molly pointed out, “I do remember there being a sort of a shell-game with your names just before your marriage ceremony anyway.”

“So, he won’t even know who to come after, or if we even survived the disaster to begin with, he already thinks you’re dead even then.” Maria nodded. “There is one problem with the money,”

“And what is that?” Josephine sounded just a bit irritated. She peered into the bag, there was a lot of money, but it was all in large pound notes. “Oh. So tomorrow we can go to the nearest bank and have it exchanged, no big deal.”

“What do we do until then, sleep on a park bench in the rain?”

“Ladies,” Molly Brown almost had to laugh at the two girls, “you two are standing in front of a rich socialite who is willing and able to gift you enough money in American currency to buy a room in a boarding house for a while, which should give you enough time to change the money over to US currency and learn how to use it.”

Maria took the money. “Thank you.”

“I know of a woman who runs a boarding house nearby that is very lenient towards people like you, as she is one herself,”

“Thank you.”

Molly stood in the corner of the large ornate living room talking to a kindly old lady who was on her early 70’s, she had long, smooth white hair and leaned on a wooden cane as she took in what Molly was telling her. She was interrupted only by the occasional “Oh my” or the like.

While they were talking, Maria and Josephine were eating a couple of sandwiches that were thrown together, along with a few pieces of chicken that was left over from dinner. Josephine chugged down the glass of milk that came with the food, then finally saw the old woman approaching as Molly Brown waved goodbye.

“I understand you two had a harrowing ordeal,” the old woman’s voice was a bit raspy from years of smoking, “fresh off the Titanic by way of the Carpathia I understand.”

“Yes. Molly Josephine and I were one of only 705 survivors,”

“Out of how many?”

“I think it was a little over 2,200 by the time you count the passengers and crew, not sure of the exact count though.”

“That’s close to 1500 people killed,” the old woman turned her head and wiped her face with a handkerchief. When she was finished, she turned back. “At least the two of you are safe. I understand you two got married on the Titanic.”

Maria and Josephine looked a little taken aback by the statement. “Well--.”

“It’s OK, we can talk freely about it inside this house. This is a safe place for people like us.”

“We are,” Maria presented the marriage certificate.

The old woman took the marriage certificate so she could look at it. “I think you should have this put in a safe place. One of the other tenants works at a print shop, he can make you a perfect copy of this that you can hang in your room. But this, the original, you should have sealed away in a safety deposit box inside a goddamned bank vault.”

“It’s just a run of the mill marriage certificate,” Josephine said flippantly.

“Sweetheart,” Maria said, “that “run of the mill marriage certificate” is an official document from the Titanic, with a stamp dated just three days before the sinking, with what is the last surviving signature of Captain Edward Smith. Think about it!”

“Oh!”

“I’ll make sure he takes real good care of this,” the old woman placed the certificate in a safe place. “So, what do you want to be identified as?”

“I think inside these walls, we can let it be known that we are two women who found love and marriage with one another on the Titanic,” Josephine said.

“And that’s all well and good, for in here,” the old woman responded, “but we can’t go up and down the street letting that be known, they’ll have something to say about that.”

Maria was a little bit more levelheaded about it. “We identify as sisters, two very affectionate sisters.”

“You may call me Granny,” came the response, “about the rent. Molly Brown has your room paid up until the end of May. After that it’s 60 dollars a month.”

“Is that a lot?” Josephine asked.

“Oh,” Granny said, “I see. Not sure how the American money system works. I’ll teach you all of that in the morning, and I’ll go to the bank with you when you go to make sure they count out the exchange right. Anything else you need to cover before I show you to your room? It will have just one queen sized bed, so you know.”

“That’s OK,” Maria said, “we usually sleep together anyway. By the way what is your stand on certain sexual activities?”

“We uh,” Josephine presented a pair of handcuffs from the satchel; besides the money, they did manage to retrieve some of their more favorite sex toys, “like to play.”

“Oh,” Granny inspected the handcuffs, “nice ones. As a rule, all the quiet stuff you can do whenever you want, but anything like playfighting or anything that generates any noise must be over by midnight.”

“OK,”

“And anything you break you must replace.”

“Even beds?”

“Especially beds!”

“Any house scheduling I should be aware of?” Maria asked.

“The usual, we have breakfast at 8, lunch you’re on your own, and dinner is at five. You’re on your own with when you two go to bed and even how you dress or don’t dress when you’re in your rooms, but in the living room and other places, you must have at least something on. Normally at this point, I would introduce you to the other tenants, but as it’s after midnight that will be hard. There are only two others anyway, the first is Willie who runs the printshop. He lives alone but has a gentleman caller that comes around every Saturday. The second is Ellie. Again, she lives alone, but is still new here and is looking for a good friend or too.”

While Granny was talking, Maria had noticed how tired she was getting. Over the past three days, they managed to get maybe a total of 6 hours sleep. Now her body was beginning to chide her. If she was worn out, what of Josephine? She was the one who was tossed around the deck of the Carpathia like some old ragdoll. She noticed that Josephine was beginning to mumble randomly about events that occurred over the past week from what happened to her in the alleyway in Southampton, to right up.

“She going to be OK?” Granny was a little concerned.

“Oh, once we get her to bed and she has a full night’s sleep, hopefully she’ll be OK,” Maria motioned to Josephine, while she was rambling on, she was dead to the world. “I think I’m going to need some help getting her upstairs, though.

Ellie could hear something going on downstairs, so she finally decided to check it out, she came about halfway down the steps and noticed the two girls. “OH, hi. The name’s Ellie.”

“Maria. She and I are going to be staying here for a while.”

“That’s nice,” Ellie smiled as she began checking Maria out, “if I can ever help with anything, let me know.”

“I was kind of hoping you could help me up the steps with Josephine?”

“Of course,” Ellie took one side, as Maria took the other.

“The room is the one right at the top of the steps,”

“OK,” Judy replied.

As they carried her up, Josephine continued to mutter on. “Ship’s going down…”

“What’s she going on about, what ship?”

“We are two survivors of the Titanic disaster.”

“Fuck!” Ellie stressed out as they were in the room, they were finally able to lay Josephine out on the bed.

“Pretty much got off with just the clothes on our backs and when this dress is coming off it is staying off,”

“Do you have any other clothes, none at all?”

“No,” Maria said, “pretty much everything was left on the Titanic, the only things we managed to grab were the same dresses we’ve been wearing for the past three days and a satchel I managed to grab.”

“There is a clothing store nearby that I can take you two to tomorrow, get you stuff for both around here and more formal for outside,”

“Just a word of warning,” Maria said, as she was finally able to get everything off, every stitch of clothes ended up on the floor, “Josephine and I are pretty clothing optional when we’re alone.”

“M-mm.” Ellie couldn’t help but liking what she saw even though the dress itself was all but destroyed by being worn for so long. Even further, there were pieces ripped off or down so that the dress was modified so Maria could show off a little bit of her breasts. Ellie was tempted to touch the exposed part of Maria’s breasts, her fingers hovered in midair wishfully.

“Oh, for god’s sake I’m not a nun!” Maria snapped playfully as she pulled the hand that was hoovering in mid-air, so Ellie was touching her breasts. “You’re allowed to touch and kiss. Just don’t get too intimate for the time being.”

“Fair enough,” Ellie noticed that Josephine was still rambling on almost feverishly, “I’ll let you tend to her, I do hope she’ll be ok.”

“I think so,” Maria looked at Josephine, “I think she’s just going through a bout of survivor’s remorse, once I get her to let out a good cry much of it should be cleared up.”

“I hope so,” Ellie turned to go, then turned back, “good night.”

“Goodnight,” Maria pecked Ellie on the lips, then closed the door behind her as she went down the hallway to her room, sort of checking the new girl out. She heard Josephine still mumbling stuff about the Titanic, so she decided to give her full attention to the other woman. Maria took Josephine and began to remove her dress so the fresh air can finally hit it. She whispered rhythmically into her lover’s ear, “I know you’re exhausted, scared, angry and all of that. But I don’t like it when you’re like that, that’s not the sweet, playful girl that I love, that’s someone else.”

It began as a single tear.

“Go on sweetheart,” Maria continued the whisper talk, as she let her voice buzz its way into Josephine’s head, as she talked really close into her ear, “get in a good cry, get it all out of your system.”

A whimper began to formula.

“Cry honey, cry like you’ve never cried before.”

The crying began, then finally progressed into a full-fledged wail that could be heard all the way down to Pier 54.

Josephine wasn’t the only person getting in a cry that night, for down at Pier 54 there were other people who were still waiting around the slim chance of a second rescue boat coming into harbor, but none would come, and the reality of the situation horrifically began to settle in. Unlike Josephine though, who was letting out a cry of release, theirs were cries of sorrow, anger and even rage.

Far out in the Atlantic, one last ship involved with the rescue cowardly creeped its way through the waters, not towards Pier 54 in the New York harbor, but to a much different harbor in Boston. They had the chance to be the heroes and show up while the Titanic was above the waterline where they could have saved countless many more lives, but their refusal to come to the scene until after the Carpathia did what she could made the Californian one of the most infamous ships of its day, leaving them to only pick up whatever dead bodies the situation would allow.

Karma would pay the Californian a visit though, after getting a bad reputation in the trials that would follow, and the captain would give his lame duck excuse for not immediately responding to the distress call, she herself was sunk on November 9, 1915, by a pair of German U-boats during the early days of WWI, taking the entire crew to the waiting arms of one Davy Jones.

Maria would let Josephine cry to her heart’s content, it was only when the crying began to naturally subside, that Maria would begin to sing her spin on the lullaby “Go To Sleep Little Baby”

Go to sleep, my dear baby

Go to sleep my dear baby

My daddy had yours killed

I had nothing to do with that.

Won’t you close your eyes, my dear baby?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

You ratted the killer out

And now he’s gonna pay

Won’t you close your eyes, my sweet baby?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

We got aboard a ship

After I done left my family

Won’t you let yourself drift off to sleep, my sweet baby.

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

We got married now you’re mine,

We have a love that’s sweet and fine!

Won’t you go off into sleep, my sweet baby?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

The ship it done sunk,

Just not before we got off

Won’t you go to sleep, my dear honey?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

The Carpathia picked us up,

But the waters they got rough

Won’t you go to sleep, my dear baby?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

We got some help from the angel Molly,

Now life’s going to be way more jolly.

Won’t you go to sleep, my dear baby?

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

We’re in a safe place now,

And that is where we’re gonna stay

Drift off to sleep, my dear baby.

Go to sleep my dear baby,

Go to sleep my sweet baby,

Take a deeper sleep,

So… you can dream of me.

At last, you’re asleep, my sweet baby

Josephine did get in 12 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep; as did Maria. Finally, around noon, Maria was awakened by the feel of the sun on the side of her face as it was beginning to fight its way through the clouds, so it could finally make its presence known.

She reached out and pulled the curtains open. The sun began to caress the water of the pier of which they had a view of. “Josephine, you have got to see this view!”

Josephine joined Maria at the window as she too took in the view. “Very nice.”

Maria turned and noticed that Ellie, the girl from the night before was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. She let out a “Hi, Ellie.”

Josephine turned to face Ellie, who like them was a 20something girl. “You weren’t sitting there watching us sleep, were you?”

Ellie nodded, “just a little bit.”

“You can come in and watch us any time you want,” Maria said, “if that’s what floats your boat.”

Ellie nodded again. “OK.”

“Also,” Maria continued, “at least as far as I’m concerned, you don’t need to stop at sitting there watching.”

“If you ever want to join in, it’s OK.” Josephine smiled at Ellie.

“Just remember at the end of the day that Josephine and I are married.”

Ellie nodded. “And I’m willing to try anything you can throw at me.”

“So,” Josephine noticed a hook in the ceiling left from the previous tenant, she pulled out the handcuffs which had a slightly longer chain than most, “who wants to play?”

“Aw shit!” Maria let out a laugh as she noticed Josephine playfully chasing Ellie around the room with the hand cuffs. “She’s back!!”

Ellie’s hand reached for the door, but instead of running out of the room away from what she knew what was eventually going to happen, she pulled out the “Do Not Disturb” sign and hung it on the outside of the door in anticipation of finding herself hanging from the ceiling. But in the end, she was OK with it as long as they didn’t take it too far.

“So,” Josephine felt the full effect of the sunlight touch her, as she caught up with Ellie, and began to playfully place the handcuffs onto her, “let’s see what trouble we can get into now!”