Socks and Sex
Socks advice or sex advice? Everything you always wanted to know to practice safe socks.
When it comes to socks, it’s always better safe than sorry. You don’t want to risk unsightly blisters or uncomfortable chaffing. While some people may go without socks their whole lives, others just can’t seem to think of anything else. This one of a kind Q&A covers issues like the importance of socks to the proper positions and even swapping socks. In short, this covers everything you ever wanted to know about socks! However, this sound advice can also be applied to sex. It seems that socks and sex have more in common than we thought.
Are socks really necessary?
That's a difficult question to answer. Many primitive people go without socks all their lives, and never seem to miss them. In other, more advanced cultures men and women slop around in sandals and display little or no interest in socks. Even in our own highly sock-conscious society many people—particularly among the young—go without socks for months at a time. Research has shown, however, that Americans and Europeans cannot abstain from socks over too long a period without physiological consequences.
What sort of consequences?
Well, frigidity of the foot, for one thing. This frequently results in a marked loss of sensation in the lower members. In severe cases, even the balls of the feet turn blue.
How long can the average male go without socks?
That varies with individuals. But in most males, the desire for socks increases enormously with the first heavy frost.
In his seminal work on "Sockology,” Dr. Ernest Dichter states that men tend to buy their socks too large, thus "indicating a hidden desire for longer, more potent feet." Is this generally true?
Unfortunately, yes. Though in fact size has no bearing whatsoever on the potency of the foot. Some of the world's greatest lovers have had quite small feet, and it is not uncommon for small-footed men to marry large-footed women and produce normal offspring.
How big is the normal foot?
The lower members of the adult male may range in size from six to 14, but there are great variations of width within this range.
How long should a foot be?
From a practical point of view, the ambulatory member should be long enough to reach from the ankle into the toe of the sock. Any man whose feet are too small for socks will experience difficulty in walking and standing. He may also fall down a lot. But in most instances there is no relation between the size of the foot and the ability to perform the socks act.
What happens during the socks act?
In simplest terms, the socks act begins when the erect male foot is introduced into the opening of the sock. It would be a mistake, however, to assume that the socks act entails no more than mere penetration. Many complex physical and psychological factors are involved, and the man who attempts penetration without first ensuring that his sock is in a state of readiness to receive his erect member not only deprives himself of much of the pleasure of dressing, but risks sartorial failure through wrinkling, snagging, bunching, and twisting. Hasty or premature penetration often results in both broken toenails and extreme discomfort.
How can a man avoid this?
By allowing sufficient time to adequately prepare his hose.
Yes. That's another term for socks, and is not to be confused with the male penis. Like the penis, the male sock may be dangled and swung about, but in point of fact it is much closer to the female vagina in both structure and function.
What is its function?
To receive an erect male member—in this case, the foot. Like the vagina, a sock can receive a male member at any time, but responds best when certain preliminary techniques are employed.
What sort of techniques?
Stroking and smoothing, primarily. But penetration will be much more pleasurable if the man will insert his thumbs into the opening of the sock, and gently stretch the fabric to allow for the entrance of the forepart of the foot, or "toes." If deep penetration is desired at the outset, he can shorten the length of the interior passage by drawing the fabric up in folds.
What happens then?
Once the foot is erect—a physiological miracle in itself—it is gently but firmly thrust into the opening of the sock. Sensory receptors in the skin of the foot are alerted to the warmth of the sock, the friction of the fabric, and so forth. This information is relayed to the Sartorial centers of the spinal cord and brain. The centers send more blood rushing to the foot, increasing its sensitivity. Tension builds, and when the climactic moment is reached, the man's leg muscles drive the foot deeper and deeper into the sock. Consciousness is momentarily obliterated. Hundreds—perhaps thousands—of tiny bits of lint are propelled from the surface of the distended fabric. Two seconds later it is over—until the next time.
How much lint does the average sock shed?
Normally, there are about 500 million bits of lint on each laundered sock. Many are invisible to the naked eye. The average man sheds about 36 bushels of lint in his lifetime. But despite this prodigious output, the chances are only 238 to one that even one little bit will ever find its way into his partner's vagina, and survive the arduous journey up into the uterus.
What happens to most of it?
It drops to the floor, and is eventually taken up with a vacuum cleaner. A somewhat smaller amount is occasionally diverted to his or her navel where it may remain for a week or more, despite bathing and showering.
How does erection of the foot actually happen?
The male foot, or pedis, becomes erect when it is lifted from the floor. In most men—particularly early risers—this is a reflex action and can occur even if the man is half asleep. No nerve connections with the brain are required.
Is erection desirable only prior to the socks act?
Indeed not. There are many times during the course of the average day and night when it becomes not only desirable but necessary to induce repeated erections of the foot.
What occasions are those?
While walking and climbing stairs, for example. At such times it is necessary for the man to initiate a series of erections in not just one but both feet. One at a time or simultaneously two at a time, usually. Simultaneous erection of both feet is comparatively rare in the human male, and leads to a condition known as the Peter Rabbit syndrome, or "hopping."
Is this abnormal?
No. It just looks odd.
Then what are the objections to it?
None, really. Providing that he takes care not to injure the balls of the feet.
How long should a man be able to keep his foot erect?
Long enough to complete the socks act. This may be anywhere from four seconds or less to several minutes or more.
What accounts for the difference in time?
There are several factors involved, the two most important being the vitality of the man and the type of socks. Casual socks, being short and snappy, will obviously demand less time and effort than socks to which the foot has a deeper commitment—over-the-calf support hose, for example.
Why are most women slower than men?
Because few women are content with socks that stop at mid-calf or knee. Their needs are more diffuse, and involve the whole leg. Since the advent of pantyhose, the traditional thigh-high limitations have been extended to cover the entire pelvic region, including the genitals and buttocks. In the case of the so-called "body stocking," the breasts, navel and the entire torso beneath the collarbone are covered, as well.
Is that the ultimate in socks?
It's as far as any human being can go without losing face.
Is there anything a couple can do to control the timing of their dressing if they want to be simultaneous?
Yes. If the woman is slower than the man, he can refrain from caressing her breasts and stimulating her clitoris. If the man seems to be approaching a sartorial climax too quickly, he can simply slow the thrust of his foot into the sock. Fumbling, dawdling, and repeatedly dropping the sock are also recommended. Sometimes changing positions can be helpful.
What positions are most commonly used?
Most couples who dress at the same time prefer to sit on opposite sides of the bed. The advantages of this back-to-back position are obvious in that it limits visual stimulation, discourages fondling of the breasts, buttocks, and genitals, and permits each to concentrate on the business at hand. The one disadvantage of this position is that it makes it difficult for each to know how rapidly the other is approaching completion.
How can this be overcome?
By peeking back over one shoulder, or by making frank inquiry. To avoid such mood-shattering expedients, some couples prefer to sit side by side on the same side of the bed, but since this frequently leads to fondling and groping it is not recommended for couples who have to be someplace on time. To a greater or lesser extent, the same holds true for other variations, such as woman-sitting-on-man's-lap, man-sitting-on-woman's-lap, chair straddling, floor squatting, and the like.
How frequently should the socks act be performed?
At least once a day. Failure to perform the socks act for days and weeks at a time may make the feet more noticeably potent. But it is largely because of such failure that many people have gotten the idea that socks are "dirty."
One hears a good ideas about "mate swapping" in suburbia. How prevalent is this?
As far as socks are concerned, the swapping of mates is no more prevalent in suburbia than it is in the cities, and is directly attributable to the communal use of coin-operated laundries.
How does it work?
Usually a group of bored housewives, who may be total strangers, will go to the nearest coin-operated laundry with the family wash. Since a limited number of machines are available, several women will use the same machine in sequence. Because of haste or indifference, one of the husband's socks may be lost in the automatic drier, where it is then found by another wife who will take it home as a replacement for the one she lost in the washer. This pattern is repeated endlessly, until every husband in the community has anywhere from six to several dozen mates belonging to other men.
Are such "swaps” permanent?
Unfortunately, yes. Though in most instances the husband derives little or no gratification from them.
Why is that?
The reasons are mainly psychological. A man with strong sartorial drives simply cannot bring himself to perform the socks act with a pair that do not match.
What can the woman do then?
Very little, actually. Some women attempt to entice their husbands into performing an unwanted socks act through the use of various seductive techniques: kissing, disrobing, caressing his penis and testicles. But these attempts are usually counterproductive in that the man not only refuses to don the socks, but baulks at putting on his underwear, as well.
Is there anything that will work?
Yes. Alcohol will help the man to achieve the indifference required to perform such a socks act. With four or five drinks under his belt, even the most fastidious man will wear anything. Taken on an empty stomach, alcohol goes right to the feet.
Are women as interested in socks as men are?
Yes. Perhaps even more so. According to a recent study, 86 percent of the wives surveyed bought their husband's socks. Many wives derive additional satisfaction from mating socks, separating them into compatible pairs, and tucking one sock inside the other. Indeed, some women prefer sock tucking to intercourse
Is there anything wrong with that?
Not if her husband enjoys it.
What about Orlon Socks?
If sales statistics are any guide, Orlon Socks are favored by the majority of American couples, though some women still object to them on the grounds that they are synthetic and, hence, "unnatural." In order to make Orlon Socks more appealing, women have been advised to smother them in whipped cream.
Does that work?
Rarely. Some weight-conscious women substitute strawberry yogurt, but the results are pretty much the same.
What are the results?
A sticky-footed husband and a messy bureau drawer.
What can the man do in return?
Fill her pantyhose with canned spaghetti.
Will that increase her desire for socks?
No. But it will make her feel so guilty, she might leave the damned things off.