Resentment

RESENTMENT

Therapist: Okay so, tell me how you became so angry and crazy and how met this man? Where it began and when it ended?

My story started when I had met this guy after school was over. I was still in high school. He threw a football at his homeboy and when I saw his face it was love at first sight. I ran to get his football and gave it back to him. When I was in his presence and I was closer I couldn’t stop looking at him. He had some pretty brown eyes. Something told me to stay single because this man is too beautiful. So I asked him for his name and he thought I was attractive to. Perhaps we exchanged phone numbers. “Hello Rydell.” I called and he picked the phone up. His voice was attractive. We stayed up on the phone until the morning for several of nights. We were joking with each other, making each other laugh, and trying to get to know each other. He was very funny and he had a sense of humor. His jokes made me smile and laugh to my guts. One day I skipped my class to see if he was doing the same thing and if he was home. I walked down to his house and he was. I couldn’t believe I discovered this boy at home by himself. SO, I knocked on his door and I gave him a hug. That day I lost everything I could ...even my virginity. [“Yup, Mr.Bill. I gave my whole heart to him.] After he walked me home a few nights after that night I had left the Paradox with my cousins and homegirls. The paradox was a club located down town. I got on social media like how I always did and I was checking my Twitter. And I couldn’t believe my eyes saw him with another bitch!!!! Holding her and Kissing her like he always did to me. Doing the things he wanted to do to me that I taught him...to her. I thought to myself I could kill both....of...them. So, what I did was I called Rydell on the phone and you know what he told me. Therapist: What? “To suck his dick.” And at that very moment I wondered to myself how could he and I don’t know who this man is but he had to have changed. I also wanted revenge. Therefore, since I wanted revenge, I was gonna get what I want. My cousin Essence drove me to where he lived just as I asked her to do. He was a fuck nigga! And that ‘s slang for a broke nigga nowadays...,so he lived in his car. He drove a truck that was a SUV. I caught them doing something that they were not supposed to be doing so...my cousin put her car in reverse and crashed into the back of his vehicle. Not that hard but just right. I got out of the car, “What bitch! I’m about to pass out! You think you somebody to steal my man?! You aint nobody to steal my man! C’mon bitch with ya ugly ass!” We were about to fight but Rydell was trying to hold me back. I had then passed out falling slowly to the ground, slipping out of his arms. The ambulance arrived an hour later, because my cousin called them. Rydell came to visit me in the hospital. My cousin and her sister was already there visiting me. As soon as Rydell came through the hallway Alexis spotted him. (Essence sister) “How could you do this to her?! She poured her heart out to you and cared for you and you do that?! Stay away from my cousin!!!” “Well can I see-“ “Stay the hell away from my cousin!” Alexis said in shame before slamming the door and walking back to my room. The doctors found out I was bleeding with injuries and they told me I have to stay in the hospital bed for a few days. On my last day I was so excited to call Rydell and I missed him. So, I called him from the hospital phone because my cellphone was left in the charger. “Hey, Cherell. How are you?” Therapist: And what did to say back? “What kind of greeting is that after someone that cares about you crashed into your vehicle and caught you with another bitch. How the hell you thought I felt? What the hell you think I said? “Fuck you!” Is what I said and then I hung the phone up. I had gotten my discharge papers and prescriptions and went back home. My mother had filled the prescription that night. While she was gone Rydell rang my cellphone. I picked it up, “Hello.” I said in an angry tone. “Can I come over to apologize? So I let him come over and apologize. “Im sorry. I wont do it again. I promise. “ There he was acting all apologetic and I fell for it. “Can I make it up to you? Rydell asked. That night we had make up sex. Rydell had went down on me. His tongue work was awesome and on point, as if his father always taught him how to eat pussy. He came back up and started touching me and kissing me. His magnum life style that I always admired had reached its way through my G-Spoylt hole. And Rydellsl started grinding on me, in sorrow. Therapist: Was it good sex? “Yeah…all the time…he was great. But I didn't mean to tell him ‘fuck you’ therapist. Well, we grew up and as the years went by he wasn’t touching me, kissing me , nor was he having sex with me. We just did the daily routine take a bath, brush our teeth and washed our face and went to work. Therapist : this was at your grandmothers house? “ No we lived together..in our own apartment. Yeah we grew up and he was telling me he wanted me back. I asked him about the girl he cheated on me with. Where she at? He told me he hates her and I let him back In. After work I asked him to go get coffee with me so we could have a talk. So when we were in the parking lot I saw another man that I was attracted to. “What you looking at him for. Bitch, you said you wanted to talk to me?!” He snapped and asked. The man could hear him because he window was rolled half way down. He spun around and slammed his car door. “Don’t talk to that woman like that around me!” He hollered at Rydell with a wave. We sat at the table and ordered our coffee. “So, why arent you touching me? Is somebody else there?” “I have been busy with work and I'm trying to pay for money to go to school.” He replied. “ That’s not a reason. Since I pay most of the bills for the house you can sleep on the couch until you get yourself together. So I got up and left out of the coffee shop. I spotted this handsome brown thing again walking to his car so I walked up to him and asked for his number. He gave me his business card. I got inside of mu escalade and pulled off to go to my grandmothers house. We were having Thanksgiving dinner the day before thanksgiving. We all sat at the table and said grace. “So how you and that guy Rydell doing Relly? I heard about what happened.” “We are fine.” “ Your back with him???” Alexis picked her head up from her plate and asked. Therapist: Then what happened? Speaking of the sleeping beast he called my phone right after that. “Hello. Hey baby. Where are you?” “Im at my grandmothers house eating dinner.” “Okay. Ill stop by!” “Okay.” “Hes on his way here.” “Cherell!!!” Alexis said before she gasped, because she knew she didnt feel like dealing with me and this negro again. Alexis hurried up and got rid of her plate and went to the master bedroom. Which was my grandmothers bedroom. So Rydell arrived. He came into the house and started eating with us in the dining room. Not only that I saw some thongs hanging out of his pocket. “Whos underwear are those?!” I questioned Rydell. “They yours.” “No I don’t wanna hear your lies!!” “You still messing with that bitch?!” I got up screaming and crying. I picked up every thing in my grandmothers house that I could throw at the wall. From her spray bottles, vase, and wine bottles. I threw those things while I was screaming , “Get ooouuuttt!!! Get ouuuttt!!! Get ooouutt!!!!” “No don’t walk away from me!” I said going after him as Rydell was walking towards the ally he parked in the back of my grandmothers house. My cousin Essie and my grandmother were both trying to hold me back. “I loved you!!! I didn’t do anything to you!” My grandmother and Essie let me go and I flopped in the ground swimming in my tears. My cries were like a waterslide. Then I got up after crying all the tears I cried, and decided to drive home to see if that’s where Rydell was headed. We lived together. So, I was making sure he wasn’t on his way to the whores house he snuck around with. I arrived and I didn’t see his car no where out front of the house. He would usually park next to the curb, in front of our condo. So, I hopped outside of my car rapidly and slammed my door. Therapist: Then what? I charged up to our front door and opened it. I then stormed into our home. “Rydell!! Ry-Ry!! Baby!!” Since I was angry I didn’t hear his voice. I took his basket ball and threw it out of our window. I then ran up the stairs and took a pair of scissors and cut the tongue out of two pairs of good shoes. Then I burnt the rap songs he wrote, and let water run over them in the bathroom sink. I then took some of good button downs out of the closet and cut them with the scissors. I ripped the shirts I cut and threw them out the window. Then since he was sleeping at her house I went to the man named Christopher’s house. I slept with Chris , but it wasn’t as amazing and romantic as it was when I slept with Rydell. Rydell knew I liked being kissed because, I taught him that. And he also knew I liked it slightly to the right. A days went by and I was dating Chris and I noticed his personality wasn’t like Rydells either. And both of them are beautiful. And I also found out that Chris was more faithful than he was. As I was coming back home the police were on my steps. They told me I am getting arrested for destruction of property. And that I have a court date coming up the next day. I could not believe what this motherfucker did. He betrayed me while I'm sleeping in a jail cell. That whole night I just felt like fuck him. Fuck all the lust and all the sex and everything we had together. Therapist: So, it seems here that you have an anger management problem and don’t know how to control it? “Well, yes. I also felt like he was controlling me. Because this motherfucker got away with a lot he’s done to me. I cant believe I'm so blind and he got away with it. And it hurts me so bad. So, the judge told me I need therapy and some help with my anger and to stay away from Rydell for a little while. I was wondering what he was doing those days we broke apart. It waa driving me crazy. Then I saw things on Twitter saying they were breaking up. So that lead me to think who is he trying to get with now? A day later I got a phone call from him. I answered and he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me, and he was done with that bitch and that he wanted me back. I let him back in my life and he came back and hugged me. It was nice to feel his chest on his expensive shirt. But then I saw a ring on his finger. “Who you getting…married to?” I asked him. “Krystal.” He replied. “I thought you and her were over?” “We just don't want nobody to know. That’s why I came here to let you know we could be just friends.” So he wanted his cake and eat it too. This story is for all three people that’s been hurt. Your not the only ones. Almost every one had been hurt before. I killed myself in the bathtub and my cousin looked for him and killed him.

Its not worth it to be suicidal over another person. Always remember God and your body is your temple. Also, there's more fishes in the sea.

The End