Positions for Pacifying a Prick

Where do I prick you first? I forgot that I already did in the subtitle. Here’s a second prick, then. Ego is a prick and thus we’re all pricks. A woman can’t be a prick, some of you may still imagine. You didn’t meet my mother. And my sisters are worse. Luckily my wife was the best but she’s gone now, and thus everyone’s a prick. Myself included, of course. The title of the story already alludes to it.

The top sexual positions (I call them bearings) are somewhat limited in number and may be different for each prick, but some of them have been universally adopted as the standards of prick sexual intercourse.

The Seven-in-Heaven Positions for Pricks

The Cowgirl position! I prefer to call it the Baby-on-Board or the Life’s-Good position. You; I’m referring to the one with the prick. Wait! What if there are two pricks? The prick going first, then! Wait! It’s not the Cowboy position, so only a woman can be on top. So, you, the prick, lounge on your back, enabling her to mount you like a horse or a bike, to bestride your hips or as much as she can reach, and push your prick up into her blessed spot. She can then ride your prick like a motorcycle rider riding her Harley. You can even tell her that you’re her Harley. It can be your nickname in bed. However, like in classical conditioning (Pavlov’s dogs), the word Harley could become a trigger for sex. Finally, a trigger that gratifies and rarely kills you.

The Reverse Cowgirl position! I prefer to call it the Two-for-One or the Three-for-One position. The latter name can only be used if you can see a breast balancing to and fro. You, the prick, laze on your back, allowing her to straddle your so-called hips in reverse, thus showing you her beautiful ass and her blessed spot and scaling your prick in all possibles angles, bouncing and gyrating on it like a peppy Pentozali (a folk dance from Crete). However, remember to keep your socks on if your feet are ugly. She can still call you her Harley, but her Secretariat (famous racehorse) fits better.

The Doggy-Style position! It’s also called the Man’s-Best-Friend but I prefer to name it the I’m-in-Heaven position. Both other names are hounding, and most other animals practice it too. Pussycats too. You, the prick, position your chassis behind her, when she’s on her hands and knees, and penetrate either her blessed spot or its second cousin, the anus, from a kneeling position. Pricks always kneel at one point or another. You can arch your back, if you can, for a deeper pricking and some G-spot touch and go. But try to touch it; don’t just go!

The 69 position! It’s another best pick among many couples and most pricks. I prefer to call it the 18-69 since you have to be 18 to even entertain it and go with it. Furthermore, the prick almost always has to be at the bottom since it shouldn’t even think of tea-bagging her the other way around. A prick (any prick) should thus avoid such a compromising position by laying face up first, praying (symbolically) for her blessed spot to say something in those wonderful words: Yes! Don’t stop! My God! It could be the only times when she calls you, God.

The Weak-in-the-Knees position! My second all-time favourite, though I call it the Face-Sitter or the Pussy-Forever position, involves the prick getting to taste and savour her blessed spot until she orgasms or till his demise, whichever comes first. Your face, the prick face, is straddled upon by her blessed spot, though it now acquires a greater range and can be referred to as the blessed port. As a prick, you anchor there, and as a prick, you get to honour and revere her blessed part, though everything in a woman is sacred, even her past.

The Spooning position! I call it the Feel-Everything position since as a prick, you get to smell her hair and nibble her ears, fondle her breasts with both hands, feel her backside and ass with your body, and penetrate her blessed spot with your prick. Both lying on your sides (the same side) facing the same direction, usually a wall or some space, though a mirror is best, you, the prick, penetrate her in this comfortable orientation. Her instrumental clitoris can be easily stimulated as well, but it’s more decent of you, the prick, if you, the prick, take responsibility for that before the prick.

The Seated-Oral position! Also called the Elevator or the Bees-Knees position, didn’t get a my-name-for-it since it’s one position that I dislike but that some women seem to like because they feel that they have to. I don’t mind some versions of it in bed, but sitting (or standing) and having her on her knees blowing your prick is revolting to the sense of women first. I can imagine a woman adoring your prick (I actually can’t) and thus liking this setting, but she can adore it in bed, not while kowtowing on the floor like a dog.

As you know, there are numerous other positions to try and delight in and with. But the prick is a selfish fiend, that is until a modern or postmodern woman takes charge of its education, which is usually free and everlasting.