My Experience With Paid Companionship

Gazing up at the ceiling, the green sparkle in my eye as the sun came in just right, my face buzzing, I breathed slowly to center the feeling of panic; my champagne problems needed to be left at the door. I looked over at my bags waiting, clearing my mind of the over-thinking clutter, I almost didn’t feel the shrill alert of my phone. I compartmentalized leading up to this moment and couldn’t help but smirk when I saw it was him. Rich Guy Here always had his private car ready and I was about to see it for the first time. I stood up and settled in a coat to hide from the weather, and placed my black shades comfortably on my nose. The anonymous exchange was nothing but arousing, and I felt like sliding into my role early.

..the car pulled up, no turning back now. I pulled out my gold flask and swigged something strong, before opening the door..

Being with him was like, falling madly in love with your soulmate; our sweet secret love affair and our dynamic was particular and exhilarating. I felt painted gold, exalted, I felt like I could hide in someone else's glamour just for awhile. I often wondered what other paths I could have taken, however, as we progressed those thoughts turned into whispers and faded away. I became a new woman for him, and the adrenaline of everything kept me from wilting underneath his teeth; I became amazed at the change in my life.

I sipped decades-old whiskey on a yacht in Miami, I slid my hands over cherry-red Lamborghini lacquer, and enjoyed the best wines in the most robust parts of Italy. I paced marble halls in silks draped over Agent Provocateur, all for him, all under his gaze. I watched him lose more than I made in a year in a single game of blackjack, placidly. We made each other look good, and I looked good. Every time I indulged in living the life of fancy with him, it became easier to forget why I was there in the first place. I never felt like I had to relinquish any bits of my soul. I gained a lot of pride, confidence, and a great sense of stability in this secret of ours.

I also learned a lot about relationships. The good parts and how to handle some bad. He wasn't a particularly gifted lover, but I wove the things I did appreciate into the gentle quiver of my voice. Oscar-worthy, I'm sure. Not that it was ever about me, but I was still slightly disappointed all the same that I couldn't have it all. While skimming the fiction section at "Powell's City of Books," I would find myself talking to him about romance, attempting to communicate my heart's desires on how we could be better. Most people don't take compromise into account when designing their perfect relationship though, and he was no exception. The gesture went over his head and I continued on as a satellite, and the closer we got the more I felt like I was losing.

I didn't notice at first, that his expectations were also changing. I swirled around for months trying to keep up with them. I was neglecting my 9-5, my social life, my family. Everything was starting to look far different from what we had originally discussed. But the money was good, and in the Tuscan sunset, everything could be rich. Every extra encounter brought me closer to my goals, but he wanted me to live for him and him alone. He wanted me to drop everything, everyone, to rush to his side when he rang a bell. I quit my job just to appease his discomfort and ease his hostility, and thinking back to my Lethe attempts at making him better, it wasn't enough. I was never enough, and he never wanted to hear what I had to say. We carried on and I watched him become more irrationally unpredictable.