Perhaps the male orgasm is as mysterious as the female orgasm. Probably not. Since men seem to achieve orgasm about 110 percent of the time, we can only take a look at what can make it better, not more likely to happen. The male lasting long enough for both partners to achieve orgasm is the main goal for most couples, but that is easier said than done. Most of the men interviewed for the following study had adhered to the traditional methods of controlling orgasm—mental distractions such as thinking about a mathematical problem or conjuring up a distant scene, or physical distractions such as biting the lip or pinching the skin (the premise being that pain will override the sensation of orgasm and thus delay it). Some men found extra pleasure in being sensuously caressed and others experimented with drugs in order to achieve a more intense and powerful orgasm.
So what constitutes a better male orgasm? There are several components, all linked:
- Participation of a sexually pleasing and responsive partner.
- Ability to hold back orgasm until his partner has climaxed at least once.
- Freedom from pressures of time. That is not having to rush it.
- Being in just the right sensual mood.
- Having indulged sexually regularly and frequently (Or not having had an orgasm for a while).
- A willingness to accept a maximum of sensual pleasure.
The last point may seem ridiculous at first glance, but experienced men agree that one of the most important steps in their development as accomplished lovers was learning how to accept, as well as to give pleasure. There came a point when each of these men discovered that it was possible to amplify their sexual feeling immensely by reveling in the voluptuous pleasures of their own bodies.
Unexpected Pleasure Centers
Matt was into his thirties before he discovered how much sensitivity he had been ignoring in himself. Married somewhat unhappily since his mid-twenties, he had had a series of brief affairs without getting terribly involved. Then he fell heavily in love.
Emmy and I used to lie there on her bed after making love, playing with each other's bodies. At first, I would play with her and tease her into a state of passion so that we could go at it again—I think we set records for frequency. Whenever she would run her fingertips over my lower belly, I had to brush them away because I was suddenly so sensitive there. But she insisted and, once I relaxed a bit, I found that she could drive me almost insane with sensual pleasure just by lightly stroking almost any part of my body—after we had made love.
"And when she kept this up for any length of time, I enjoyed the next orgasm infinitely more than the previous one. Once, just after Emmy had had a wipe-out orgasm—it must have been her third or fourth that afternoon—she just lay back and languorously ran her fingers up and down my sides and my back. It drove me out of my mind, and when I had an orgasm it was the closest thing to a total body explosion I had ever experienced. I felt I was exploding into tiny shreds." Matt also discovered with Emmy a principle enunciated by Masters & Johnson: that a man who has had an erection for quite a while often will retain it after orgasm.
"It worked like this: Emmy was so easy to arouse that I tried to give her at least one warm-up orgasm by hand to start. On this particular day, then went down on her and wrung another from her, after which she wanted me to enter her immediately. Despite her pleading with me to come with her, I held back and managed to stay in her for nearly half an hour before orgasm.
"Instead of withdrawing, I stayed put, moving in and out occasionally just to test my stiffness. To our surprise, it remained erect, and within a few minutes we both were humping wildly. Lest sound like a sexual superman, let me point out that this was the first time in my life I had ever been so erotically inspired.
"The situation has been repeated at least three times. One of the keys to my being able to remain in Emmy so long is that I am on top. When she was on top of me, she just squirmed off whenever she had had enough, but when she was on the bottom, all she could do was writhe and wiggle, and that inspired me to greater efforts and pleasures." Like other men who have discovered how intense orgasm can be, Matt at first thought that he was alone. Then he shyly asked some of his friends whether they recognized the situation, and was relieved when one of them reported a similar experience. Though he has enjoyed satisfactory orgasms while masturbating, none of them was anything near what he enjoyed with Emmy.
"Since we broke up, I haven't really duplicated the experience with any other women, though the girl I've just become seriously involved with shows promise of surpassing even Emmy. But thanks to Emmy, regardless of what a heartbreaker she turned out to be, I know the extent of my own sexuality and I don't intend to ever forget it."
Few men ever forget such raw excitement, and fewer are content to live out the rest of their lives with only the memory of such an adventure. Once a man has tasted the joys of profound orgasm, he is restless until he can find a partner with whom he can repeat the experience regularly. Married men who discover this experience with their wives tend to remain married, whereas men who encounter it outside marriage are prone to divorce.
How to Delay Ejaculation
This subject is as troublesome to sexually active men as it is to their frustrated partners. Man is born with a sex drive that tells him to insert his penis into a responsive receptacle, and in the shortest possible time achieve the warmth and excitement of orgasmic contractions and ejaculation. The fact that woman is not similarly constructed has proved a source of boundless frustration and aggravation since the human race's earliest days.
Countless books and magazine articles discussing the problem of premature ejaculation—actually, there is nothing premature about ejaculation—attest to its unpopularity among sexually active men. Curiously, some research has showed that blue-collar American males may be much more hung up about penis size than about premature ejaculation, judging from the letters and advice columns in magazines.
But the advice printed in books and magazines about preventing too-early ejaculation is usually vague and slightly moral in its overtones; i.e. a considerate loving husband will exercise self-control in order to please his wife. What such advice overlooks is that men need specific suggestions rather than abstractions to overcome a natural physical response.
In Human Sexual Inadequacy, Masters & Johnson trace premature ejaculation to a hurried atmosphere surrounding the early years of lovemaking for the men troubled with this problem. They may have been encouraged by a prostitute to hurry up and have an orgasm so that she could move on to another customer, mistaking the woman's phony writhing and moaning for genuine passion over the swiftness of their orgasms.
Men whose early intercourse takes place in cars are likely to feel pressured to get it over with before they are discovered. Not many of the women interviewed for this study had anything good to say about early automotive intercourse—unless, of course, she had been manipulated to an orgasm first. Some, however, claimed to have derived a forbidden pleasure from coupling in a car with husbands or lovers, specifically because of the danger involved, but these women were speaking about sexual adventures with experienced lovers.
One factor in premature ejaculation not cited by Masters & Johnson is that the goal of the masturbating boy is to achieve orgasm as swiftly as possible. The fewer strokes, the better. And since masturbation is a man's earliest sexual training, it tends to set the pattern for his future heterosexual activity.
While most sexologists define premature ejaculation as the inability to control orgasm for more than 30 seconds after intromission, Masters & Johnson define it as the inability to hold back orgasm long enough for the woman to have an orgasm 50 percent of the time. Such a definition removes the emphasis from time and places it on mutual satisfaction and frequency of orgasm.
Masters & Johnson have worked out an elaborate "squeeze technique" and coital training program to control premature ejaculation. This consists of the woman manipulating the man to the point of orgasm, then firmly squeezing his penis with her fingers just below the head. This usually prevents ejaculation.
Physical distractions, as well as mental distractions, these men report, are next to useless. Mike tried them all, even going as far as to spray his penis with Solarcaine, an aloe based burn relief formula, immediately before intercourse. "All the spray did was to wilt my erection and make my penis sting like hell for an hour afterwards," he complained. "I tried some other salves and ointments had seen advertised as orgasm-delayers, and some of them worked slightly. That is, was able to hold off for almost a minute until the copulating action had rubbed the stuff off of my penis. But having to put it on before getting into my wife was a real drag, and she resented it. I had tried biting my lip and pinching my skin, but that was worthless. By the time I tried the Solarcaine, I was getting desperate and my wife was starting to lose her patience.
“At one point I even tried masturbating shortly before I knew we would be making love on the principle that after one orgasm, it is harder to have a second one and I am able to stay stiff for a while. Unfortunately, by the time I got it up for a second time, my wife was asleep or was mad at me. When I masturbated, it had the effect of rendering me impotent. I guess by this point, I was a psychological mess and anything could wipe out my potency.
“The only thing that cured me of premature ejaculation was the boredom or inevitability which invades every marriage and wipes off the sheen of novelty. As my wife grew less exciting, I found it harder to come and no longer blasted forth moments after entering her. Unfortunately, by the time this happened, our love life was in tatters and we were on our way toward divorce."
Drugs & Impotency
Danny is a would-be swinger in his late thirties who makes his living by editing sexploitation trash for one of the country's leading publishers. Married eight years, his compulsive working habits and his daily fears for his job have rendered him impotent in the marital bed. His wife is a militant feminist who regards his sexual failures as a personal insult, and does not hesitate to berate him for his inability to satisfy her.
Because marijuana has often had the effect of delaying and intensifying his orgasms in the past, Danny turned to it to combat his impotence: "It worked nicely for the first few times I tried it, and Charlotte seemed satisfied for the first time in months. But then, as the pressures at work and at home grew, grass seemed to lose its beneficial effect. The first time this happened was when turned on alone, knowing that Charlotte was horny and would be expecting me to have her when she came home from the office that night. I got the kids to bed and settled back to turn on.
“I must have had some powerful grass because I was wildly turned on by the time she got home. Sure enough she was ready to swing, and I got into bed with a mammoth hard-on. But once in bed, she demanded that I eat her and by the time I was into this, my erection had disappeared. It did not return that evening, and I took a monumental berating from Charlotte.
“In desperation, I got her out of the house one night to a friend's apartment, where we all got hight. It took several takes before we were both really excited and I had the presence of mind to get her out of there and into a taxi. I paid off the babysitter and finally got us both naked in bed and put her on top of me. We hadn't gotten three strokes in before the phone rang. It was one of my authors from California who had just landed in town and wanted to discuss his manuscript—which we were rushing into print.
"I agreed to meet him in an hour, and then returned to my wife. We were both high, but my erection wasn't, and it wouldn't arise for anything, including Charlotte's going down on me—something she has only done a few times in our entire marriage."
Other men report that marijuana and hashish, when taken moderately, helped them delay orgasm and enjoy sex immensely more. Taken to excess, however, such drugs tend to enhance impotence, just as alcohol does. Only two men and three women interviewed for this study had experimented sexually with LSD. All reported a heightened sensuality with overpowering visual imagery and intensified orgasm.
Beth, who regularly uses a variety of drugs ranging from grass and hash to mescaline, was disappointed with her only "acid fuck" as she called it: "I really wasn't very turned on by the man I was with. We had been in bed a few times together, and he wasn't very imaginative or exciting. But he was into drugs and he had a supply of marvelous hash, plus he was a good salesman for the sexual benefits of LSD. Well, it certainly was different, but I didn't enjoy it that much more. Maybe if it had been someone I was really into, it might have been different."
Charlie and Annie took acid together and each had an exquisite orgasm. "It seemed like we were going at it for hours," Charlie said. "When I finally came, it seemed like a molten-hot geyser starting deep in my balls and working its way slowly up through my pelvis. Each squirt was better than the previous, and at one point I thought the top of my head was going to blow off from too much sexual pleasure. And of course, Annie was squirming like a god-damned fish, and when I let blast, she shrieked and wiggled with each spasm. She later said that she could feel me coming and that it made her come again.
One interesting aftermath of an LSD enhanced orgasm has been that the quality of Charlie's subsequent orgasms, he reports, has increased noticeably. He thinks that the acid experience may have simply unlocked an inhibition or two. "Now when I come, I can feel it welling up within me, and it's a wild sensation. I haven't tried acid again—the stuff is just a bit too scary for me."
The Improved Orgasm
Some men successfully influence the quality of their orgasms by controlling the muscles in their pelvis, while others use autosuggestion to enhance the physical pleasures. That is, they tell themselves that they are going to have a rip-snorting orgasm. Those who use this technique, not surprisingly, report that it works.
Still other men improve their orgasms by stopping short of ejaculation and letting the passion subside before working themselves up again. These men claim that when they finally ejaculate, the teasing and holding back multiplies the pleasure immensely.
Joey has found that if he suddenly relaxes every taut muscle as he is approaching orgasm, he can feel pleasurable sensations throughout his body. "I discovered this one night when I was doing my ex-wife. She insisted on a night together for old times' sake, and even though she got me aroused to the point of an erection, I still didn't really want to participate. She got on top and I had a hell of an orgasm, but was determined not to try and hopefully not have one myself. Shortly after she had hers, I noticed the sensations starting in my groin. Thinking that if I refused to pay any attention to these feelings they might pass away, I stayed relaxed. When I came, it was like an internal earthquake. I mean, my whole body shook and I almost couldn't stand the feeling of that feeling passing through me.
“What really bothered me was that Joanie knew what I was feeling and she knew that I'd just had my best orgasm with her. She's made a point of reminding me of it several times since. From that point on, I've experimented with my orgasms and I've concluded that ejaculation is what each man makes of it. I can recall humdrum orgasms that left me indifferent. Now, I mount a production so that each orgasm is more spectacular than the others. I try to thrust briskly and for quite a while, hopefully giving my partner more than one orgasm. Then, when I feel the time is right, I pump away with gusto, get to the point where I can feel the juices starting to rise. I might stop for a moment, but this is only if I'm having trouble relaxing my muscles. Sometimes, it's very difficult to relax the pelvic muscles, especially when I'm really hooked over a girl—as I am right now over Kathy.
"Just the other night we were making love and she came wildly, howling and biting and squeezing. She was on top, so there was nothing I could do to slow her down, and knew that I couldn't hold back any longer. I let my pelvic muscles go limp and this time was better than any other. It felt like the molten lava described in cheap porno fiction, but that's what it felt like. Before I learned the relaxation technique, I never experienced orgasms so intense." Men like Howie claim that they can improve their orgasms, not by internal control, but by making the external circumstances so exciting as to turn them on: "I knew from all that I had seen and heard about marriage that boring sex was deadly, so Jean and I try to keep it different and exciting." Married five years, Howie seems to be succeeding. "We try to make love differently as often as possible, and this variety keeps me well-supplied with high-quality orgasms. I can tell that we are sliding into a rut when my orgasms become pedestrian.
"Sometimes we smoke grass before sex. Other times we do it in the shower or while taking a bath. Last month, we made it in the front seat of our car while it was parked out on the street. Jean recently heard about a new way involving olive oil, so we smeared ourselves with it and really went wild. The only trouble was that it was a pain in the ass to wash out of the sheets and our bed still stinks of olive oil. A friend later told us that we should have used a non-smelly oil like peanut oil."
Howie's view of orgasms is not widely shared by men who feel the quality of their partner's orgasm is an important factor in their own. Howie comes from a proletarian background, and supported himself through college by driving a truck. He admits that his attitude toward orgasm is selfish but he doesn't really care, "Listen, when Jeanie starts complaining then I'll start worrying. Until that happens, I figure must be doing something right." Wrong Howie, so very wrong.
Some men regard the first orgasm of a sexual session as something to be wasted so that the second and more leisurely orgasm can then be enjoyed. Tyler is one of those men who differentiate between first and second orgasms. The first is the direct result of passion and horniness, whereas the second and subsequent orgasms are more natural and arise from a purely erotic sensation. Because I feel this way, I try to get the first go out of the way fast, explaining to the girl that I'm not really a fast shooter but rather that I can devote more time to the follow-up encounter. After 10 or 15 minutes, I usually can get it up for the return bout, and I can last up to an hour this time. When I do come, it feels a hell of a lot more relaxed and natural than the anxious first orgasm."
William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson pioneered a research team dedicated and excelling in the study of human sexual response, specifically, sexual disorders and dysfunctions. In Human Sexual Inadequacy, an innovative program is described which revolutionized the treatment of such conditions. Their techniques, successful in 80 percent of cases treated, encouraging communication, a positive attitude, and dedication to the program.