It Ends With Us

It Ends With Us

Lisa Burt

I sit in the doctor’s office my mind whirling as the doctor explains my diagnosis. All I hear are words like fibroids, causes infertility, may never be able to have children. The doctor looks at me with sympathy in his eyes. At 24 years old, I’m young to get this disease and it’s hard to give this kind of news to someone so young. I leave the office and drive home in a daze and when I pull the car into the driveway I just sit there for a few minutes not sure how I even made it home. Alex and I have been trying to have a baby. How is he going to take this news? Just thinking about Alex makes me burst into tears and I lean my head on the steering wheel and let the ugly cry out. I pound on the steering wheel and scream “why me?” I know deep inside it’s selfish to think that way. I mean why not me? It’s just so unfair. I’ve wanted my whole life to be a mother and now that’s gone in a blink of an eye. I wipe my eyes and head into our home. We have a huge five bedroom house that’s more like a mansion. I’ve always thought we were so lucky to be able to have a home so large, so that we could have a big family like we always wanted. Alex plays for the Phoenix Tornados and is on their first line. He’s among the top 10 scorer’s in the entire league and gets paid a lot of money for someone so young. Originally we were going to buy a smaller more modest home, we aren’t really big, splashy, flaunt our money, kind of people, but Alex wanted us to have our dream home to fill with our dream children. Just as I get into the house Alex’s car pulls up beside mine in the driveway.

“Hey babe! How’s your day going?” he calls out, as he comes in the door.

I wipe my tears and take a few deep breaths before calling out, “I’m good babe.”

I hear Alex’s footsteps heading into the kitchen. He comes up behind me and presses his body into mine. He leans down and kisses my neck while his hands come around to cup my breasts.

“Do you have anywhere you have to be today?” he whispers in my ear. I feel him harden as he presses harder into my body. Instead of answering him with words I turn and kiss him. He kisses me back and our kiss deepens as his hands roam over my body. Alex loves my breast and he brings a hand up to pinch my nipples which are already tight little buds. I have the hottest husband and there is never a time that I don’t want him. Alex’s fingers move down to undo my pants. He pulls them down and kneels on the floor.

“God I love the way you smell,” he says as he kisses his way up my thighs. “I love that you’re always so wet for me Paige,” he says so close to my clit I can feel his breath and I groan at the feel. His tongue darts out and licks my folds. He then takes a finger and slides it inside me as his mouth moves to my sensitive bud and he sucks on it. I throw my head back and the moan escapes me. I love when my husband goes down on me. His tongue is like a magic wand. He inserts another finger and I can’t hold still any longer and my hips move with his fingers. “Yeah, baby fuck my fingers,” Alex growls into my pussy. I can feel my climax coming quickly and It won’t be much longer. Alex picks up the pace with his fingers while he watches my face. “That’s it baby. I want you to cum for me,” he says as he goes back to my clit and licks my sensitive bud. That’s all my body needs and I come apart screaming his name, my hands in his hair, holding his face into my pussy. Alex holds me up as my knees buckle from the release and as I come back down, he looks up at me and grins with my juices all over his face.

“Babe you always taste so good. I could eat you forever,” he says, as he stands and undoes his pants. He kisses my lips and I taste myself. I reach inside my husband’s boxer briefs and release his thick, rock hard cock. I give him a few strokes and run my finger over the tip, rubbing the pre cum and making Alex groan.

“I need to fuck you right now babe,” he growls. He spins me around and bends me over so my hands are gripping the counter. Alex slams his cock into me and begins to pound me from behind. I arch my body so that my he has easier access and can get deeper as he continues to slam into me over and over again. He hits just the right spot and I can feel a second climax coming. I begin to pant and rock my hips back into Alex’s and we find a fast, hard, rhythm. Alex’s grunts become faster and I know he’s close.

“Are you close babe? I need you to cum with me,” he asks as he rams his glorious cock into me again. I take my hand and move it to my clit and move my finger in circles in time with his thrusts. I look over my shoulder and see nothing but hunger and desire in my husband’s eyes. That’s all it takes for me to tumble over the edge as my climax slams through me and squeezes his cock.

“Fuck!” Alex yells as he gives me one final thrust and empties himself into me. He falls over me and leans on my back, giving me small kisses down my spine. After a moment he pulls himself out and I feel his semen running down my leg. Alex grabs a cloth and cleans me up before cleaning himself.

As I dress a tear trickles down my cheek as my mind once again goes back to the conversation with the doctor.

“Paige, what is it? What’s wrong?” Alex asks me, as he gently pulls me into his arms. I start to cry harder as he strokes my back and waits for me to speak.

“I went to the doctor’s today. I had some test done, since I was having so much pain during my periods and so much bleeding. It’s bad Alex. I don’t want you to be disappointed. I don’t want you to hate me,” I cry into his chest.

Alex pulls me back from him and wipes the tears from my face. “Babe there is nothing that would make me hate you. Just tell me what the doctor said and we’ll deal with it together,” he says, holding onto my hands.

“He said that I have endometriosis. Which means I have fibroids on my ovary and uterus, and our chances of having children of our own are really slim,” I stammer through my tears.

Alex pulls me in and hugs me hard. “It’s going to be ok, babe. I promise,” his voice thick with emotion.

“I know you’ve always dreamed of having a big family. What if I can’t give that to you?” I question him.

“We’ll figure it out together. It’ll be ok,” he tries to reassure me.

“I need to have a shower and change. I have to be at the airport in a couple of hours,” he says walking away. I’m filled with sadness. Normally he would’ve asked me to join him in the shower. He’s definitely not ok with all that I’ve told him. Now he’s going on a 4 day road trip and I don’t really know what he’s feeling or thinking. He get’s out of the shower and packs without saying too much to me.

“Alex, are you going to leave me if I can’t give you any children?” I ask breaking the silence. He stops and looks across the room at me.

“Paige I love you. I’m not leaving you. I just need a chance to process this,” Alex says to me.

“You’re just really distant, ever since I told you,” I say, silently pleading with my eyes for Alex to come and hold me.

“I don’t really know how to feel if I’m being honest Paige. I need to just think about things and I have to get packed. I need to leave shortly. I don’t know what you want me to say,” he almost growls at me.

“I want you to say that you love me! That it doesn’t matter if I can’t have children of my own! That you will stay with me no matter what! In our marriage vows you said you would love me for better or worse, well this is the worse. Are you going to run or are you going to stay and be by my side through this!” I yell, my face red with anger. Hot angry tears spill down my face as I wait for my husband to say something, anything, to make this feeling of dread go away.

Alex sighs and says, “honestly Paige, I don’t know if I can stay in a marriage where I can’t have a family. We agreed before we got married that we would start a family as soon as possible. I know there are other options, but I don’t know if I’m ok with them.” Alex goes back to packing his bag and I back out of our bedroom. It’s like he’s slapped me across the face. I’ve never doubted Alex’s love for me before. The first big problem to happen and it feels like he’s going to run and leave me all alone to deal with this. Where is the man that I married? Alex comes out of the bedroom with his bag and gives me a peck on the cheek. As he heads to the door, he stops with his hand on the door knob.

“We’ll talk when I get back, Ok? I’ll text you when I get to the hotel,” he says as he closes the door behind him. I go to the window and watch him back out of the driveway. Is this the last time I will see my husband? Why does this feel so final?

I grab a bottle of wine and open it. I don’t bother with a glass and just take a swig from the bottle. I change into my pajama’s and curl up on the couch to watch some Netflix. Who cares if it’s only 3 in the afternoon. I put on The Notebook and try not to cry. This is Alex and my favorite movie. I always thought we had a love like Allie and Noah, but maybe we don’t. I finish the bottle of wine as I watch the movie and end up opening a second bottle before it finishes. Halfway through the second bottle my phone rings. I grab it hoping that it’s Alex calling but instead I see it’s my best friend Trisha. Her husband Brody plays on the same line as Alex and the four of us are really good friends.

“Hey Trisha,” I sort of slur into the phone.

“Are you drunk?” Trisha asks, concerned.

“No,” I laugh into the phone.

“You are so drunk. Why are you drinking so early in the day?” she asks.

“I think my marriage is over,” I tell her.

“What! I’m on my way over,” she says.

“You don’t have to do that. I can’t blame Alex. It’s all my fault. I can’t give him what he wants. I don’t even feel like a woman,” I blurt out, drunkenly.

“That’s it. I’m on my way over right now,” Trisha says and hangs up the phone. I manage to finish off bottle number two and start on bottle number three. I put on How Too Lose a Guy in Ten Days and it just gets started when Trisha opens my front door.

“Hello. Paige?” she calls out closing the door. We never bother knocking or ringing the bell, that’s how close we are. I sit up on the couch so Trisha can sit down. I sway slightly and need to grab the arm of the couch to keep my balance.

“Ok, spill it,” Trisha says to me.

“I went to see the doctor today. Remember how I’ve been having a lot of pain and bleeding during my periods?” Trisha nods so I continue on.

“Well it turns out I have Endometriosis. Which basically means I have a very low chance of having any children of my own. I told Alex and he didn’t take it very well. He basically said he need to take time to think about whether or not he wanted to stay with someone who couldn’t have children,” I manage to croak out between my drunken tears.

Trisha grabs me and pulls me for a hug. “It’s going to be ok. I’m here for you, no matter what. We will get through this. I can’t believe Alex is being such an ass!” Trisha says angrily.

“I don’t want to be a burden. You have the kids and a husband of your own,” I tell her.

“Don’t even worry. I’ve got the nanny to help with the kids and speaking of husbands, can I tell Brody what’s going on? He might be able to get Alex to open up and knock some sense into him,” she asks.

“I don’t care if you tell Brody. I wouldn’t want you to have to keep this a secret from him, but I don’t want him to say anything to Alex. If Alex wants to talk to Brody, that’s fine but I don’t want to basically beg my husband to stay with me,” I tell her.

“I’m going to tell you something, I’ve never told anyone else. The only person who knows is Brody. I’m telling you this, so that you know I have an idea of what you are going through,” she begins to say.

“While Brody and I have Sam and Brady now, they were not our first babies. I had two miscarriages before I was able to have Sam. Having those miscarriages was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life and in Brody’s life. It put a strain on our marriage as we were both grieving, but we weren’t grieving together. It almost tore us apart. We ended up going to a specialist and we had help having both Sam and Brady. I don’t know why I’ve never told anyone. I think it’s because I am ashamed I couldn’t carry those babies, and I doubted myself as a woman. As a society I think that people judge you for grieving a miscarried baby, but really I think that they just don’t understand since they’ve never been through it,” Trisha tells me as tears glisten in her eyes at the memory of her lost children.

“Thanks for coming over. I appreciate you sharing your story with me,” I tell her.

“Let’s get you to bed so you can sleep off all this wine. I’m sure things will look better in the morning,” Trisha reassures me.

Trisha helps tuck me into bed and locks the door for me on her way out. I manage to fall asleep with the hope Alex and I can work this out the way Trisha and Brody worked out their issues.

Later that night Brody calls his Trisha to chat about their day. It’s routine for him to call her no matter what time he gets in, when the team is on the road.

“Hey sweetie. How was your day today?” he asks her.

“It was ok. Is Alex in the room with you?” she asks me.

“He’s in the shower, why?” I ask thinking maybe my wife is in a frisky mood. It wouldn’t be the first time we had phone sex while I was on the road. Instead Trisha tells me what’s going on between Alex and Paige. That explains why Alex was so quiet on the plane today.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” I ask her.

“Only if you can make it seem like you don’t know. Paige doesn’t want you to say anything unless Alex comes to you, but I think you could really reach him on a guy to guy level,” Trisha says.

I hear the shower turn off. “Alex will be out of the bathroom soon so I will talk to you tomorrow,” I say blowing her a kiss into the phone. I know it’s a super cheesy thing to do, but Trisha loves it when I’m cheesy.

I try to think of how to approach Alex. What a bone head he’s being. Paige is the best thing that ever happened to him and he can’t just throw it all away over something she can’t even control.

“Hey Alex want a beer,” I ask. He nods at me and I go to the bar fridge and pull out two buds. I toss one of the cans over to him and he catches it easily.

“What’s going on with you today? You’re awfully quiet,” I say taking a sip of the cold beer.

“Nothing man. It’s no big deal,” he tries to bluff.

“I call bullshit man. I know you’re not ok and we both know that if you don’t get your shit straightened out, you will end up playing like shit tomorrow night and with the playoffs right around the corner, we need to play well. I don’t know about you, but I want to hoist that cup this year,” I tell him.

Alex sighs and takes a long gulp of his beer. “Paige and I sort of had a fight. I left with things kind of weird with her,” he says evasively.

“What happened?” I say trying to play it cool.

There’s a long silence when Alex finally says in a quiet voice, “Paige probably can’t have children. She went to the doctor’s today and he gave her the news. I’m pissed at myself for not even being there for her. I had no idea she even went and had any tests. I feel so caught off guard. I don’t know what to do or how to feel.”

“Look, Trisha and I had trouble having our kids too. You can’t focus on what might happen. Who knows maybe the doctor is wrong or maybe she will be one of the small percentage of women who can still get pregnant. You just don’t know what the future will bring, but Paige needs you right now. She needs to know she’s not alone and that you’re going to be there holding her hand no matter what happens going forward,” I share with him.

“You’re right. I was being such an ass. I can’t believe I let her think I wouldn’t be there with her,” Alex says, as he grabs his phone. He tries to call Paige but gets no answer so he types out a text to her. Hey babe. I’m sorry for being an ass earlier. If we can’t have children of our own, we will figure out our future together. I wouldn’t be half the man I am without you. Please forgive me. I will call you after morning practice tomorrow. I love you always.

I hit send and wait for a reply, but no reply comes. I hope she just went to bed early and that she’s not just ignoring me. I think I’ll send her some flowers in the morning, that way she knows I’m really sorry and thinking of her.

The next morning the door bell wakes Paige. Still in her pajamas she stumbles to the door and see’s It’s a delivery man. He’s holding a vaseful of Shasta daisies, my favorite. I bring them inside and grab the notecard. I love you always. Oh Alex sent me flowers. I look at the clock and see that it’s 11am already, which means that Alex will be at the morning skate. I go into the bedroom and grab my phone to send him a message to let him know how sweet the flowers are. I see his text from the night before and have to take a moment to sit on the edge of the bed. My eyes glisten with tears at his heartfelt words. I decided to leave him a voicemail so that he knows how much I love him, as soon as he gets off the ice.

“Alex, the flowers are so beautiful. Thank you so much for them. I love you too. I’m sure we can work this out together. I wish we could make up in person, but that’s the way it goes when you have a hockey husband. Have a great game today and know I will be watching here at home and cheering you on,” I say. I smile to myself as I hang up the phone. I think it’s the first time I’ve smiled in the past twenty-four hours.

That night the Phoenix Toranado’s are on fire! Alex has gotten a hat trick and Brody has 2 goals. They beat the New York Wildmen 5-0. They have clinched first place in the conference, which means, they will have home ice advantage all throughout the playoffs. This is a huge advantage for any team. It seems impossible to stop the Tornado’s. They have been on fire all season!

The guys are all on a high as we come off the ice. Brody and I high five each other. The two of us had an amazing game and we can’t wait to start the playoff season. We head to the showers, were you can hear all the guys chatting excitedly for the coming weeks. After my shower with just my towel around my waist I grab my phone and see that Paige called. My phone had died earlier so I had to charge it while I was having my pre-game nap. I listen to her message and my body relaxes. It sounds like she’s going to forgive me for being so stupid and I can’t wait to make it up to her.

When we get back to the hotel I head up to my room, rather than going out with the guys for some beers. I just want to talk to my amazing wife.

I dial her number and she answers right away. “Alex you played so amazing tonight! Congratulations! I threw my hat at the TV when you got your hat trick,” Paige laughs into the phone.

“Babe I’m so sorry for everything,” I tell her.

“I know you are. We can figure it all out when you get home, but I have some news to share with you,” Paige says.

“What is it? Did something happen? Is it worse than the doctor thought?” I blurt out, my mind racing a million miles a minute thinking about all the bad things that could be happening and I’m not there for her again.

“Well, my regular doctor ran some bloodwork at the same time I did the test for my OBGYN. I’m pregnant Alex. I can’t believe it, but she says I’m about six weeks pregnant,” she half sobs into the phone.

“Oh my God! Seriously? I thought that was unlikely to happen? That’s so awesome babe! I can’t wait to get home to you, so we can celebrate,” I shout into the phone with uncontrollable glee.

“I can’t believe this has happened after everything the doctor said,” Paige says, with disbelief in her voice.

“You are going to be the best mom in the world,” I tell her.

“I wish I was home with you to celebrate properly,” I say my voice husky with desire.

“Well I am only wearing your jersey right now,” she says back to me. God I love it when she walks around just wearing my jersey. Often she’s not even wearing any panties underneath.

“Take the jersey off and lay on the bed,” I command her.

“Ok. Now what do you want me to do?” she purrs into the phone.

I undo my pants and pull out my hardened cock and stroke it slowly with my hand. “I want you to caress your breast and pinch your nipple for me. Close your eyes and pretend it’s my mouth on you,” I instruct. I can hear her breathing become heavy into the phone and I slowly speed up my strokes. “Now slide your hand down your body and touch your clit. Do you feel my mouth on you, babe?” I ask her.

“Yes,” she pants. “I’m running my tongue down your cock and licking the pre cum from the tip. Now I’m sliding you into my mouth,” she responds back to me.

“Take your finger and slide It into your wet pussy,” I say, as I hear Paige groan with desire. My strokes quicken at the thought of my wife pleasuring herself.

“That’s right babe, touch yourself, just like I would. I want you to cum for me,” I tell her.

“I’m so close!” she gasps.

I hear her exploded and I follow shortly after her squirting my hot cum all over my hand and stomach. We spend a few moments just heavy breathing into the phone, trying to catch our breath. I reach for some Kleenex and clean up, just in case Brody comes back early.

“Well that was one way to celebrate,” She says to me.

“Don’t worry. When I get home I plan on fucking your brains out. So you better be ready,” I tease her.

“I can’t wait,” she says back.

The next night we play our last regular season game against the New Jersey Storm and pull out a 2-1 win. Ending the season on a high note.

“Hey Brody,” I say in a whisper at our lockers. “Paige is pregnant.”

“What! Seriously? Congrats man!” He whispers back at me. I can’t keep the smile off my face. I can’t believe we have been so blessed, right after getting the horrible news. I guess it was meant to be. We head into the showers and get ready to board the bus. We are headed back home tonight. It will be late but I’m excited to see Paige.

The bus is full of excited chattering guys. Even the coach is in a great mood. I can’t remember the last time he’s let the team see him smile. We are almost to the airport when suddenly the bus driver hits the brakes and the world goes black.

I wake to the phone ringing. I look at the screen and see that it’s Trisha calling.

“Trisha, what’s wrong?” I ask her.

“Paige have you not seen the news?” she asks me back,

“No, why?” I say as I run out to the living room to turn on the TV.

“The team bus was hit by a transport truck while they were headed to the airport. The bus is split in half!” Trisha says hysterically.

As I flip through the channels, I see one with a broken bus and stop. I can’t believe that’s their bus. This has to be a mistake. How can anyone survive a crash like this? Our baby needs his father.

“Oh my God,” I say with disbelief.

“The organization is getting us all on flights to New Jersey. I will pick you up and we can go together. Please God let Brody and Alex be ok,” Trisha says.

“Are you going to bring the kids?” I ask.

“No, I think I’m going to leave them with the nanny until we know more about what’s happening,” she says.

We hang up and I run into the bedroom to quickly throw a bag together. I try and call Alex’s cell phone, but it immediately goes to voicemail. I start to hyperventilate and slide down the side of the bed onto the floor. I put my head between my knees and try not to cry. I need to keep it together. I can’t think the worst. Yes, the accident looks bad, but maybe he’s ok. I have to hang onto the hope that Alex is ok. I get up and finish packing just as Trisha honks from the driveway.

Somehow the organization manages to get almost all the wives and significant others all on one flight. The mood is somber, as we all pray for our men. Even the flight attendants are extra nice. They know who we are and why we are heading to New Jersey. Trisha and I sit next to each other our hands clasped together for the entire flight. We don’t really speak, just simple hold hands and support one another. I decide that maybe Trisha could use a bit of good news so I lean towards her and whisper “by the way, I’m six weeks pregnant.”

“What!” Trisha shouts and everyone turns to look at us. Once everyone turns back around Trisha says “I thought the doctor said it was unlikely to happen?”

“He did but, surprise!” I tell her with a small laugh.

“I’m so happy for you! Thank you for the good news. I needed that right now,” she tells me.

I gently rub my still flat belly and silently pray that Alex will meet his future daughter or son.

We land in New Jersey and are shuttled to the local hospital. It’s utter chaos. We are directed to a large waiting room, where several of the team’s executives are waiting for us.

“If I can have your attention please,” Dean Winterhorn the Owner of the team says to us.

“We haven’t gotten much information yet, however, we will do anything we can to make sure that not only are our boys taken care of, but all of you and your families as well. If there is anything we can do, please don’t hesitate to ask,” he says and takes a seat.

The waiting room quickly fills up and we all silently wait for any news on our men. The doctor comes in with a grim look on his face.

“May I speak to the families of Raymond Stavros, Ian Morris, Benjamin McMillian, Travis Richmond, and Joseph Flurry,” he says to the room.

It feels like the whole room takes in a collective gasp. We all know this can’t be good news. Ray and Joe’s wives get up and follow the doctor out of the room. Ian, Ben and Travis’s parents are still on their way to New Jersey. They were only rookies. Just kids. We hear a scream of grief rip from one of the wives and know that these 5 men didn’t make it. The tension in the room is palpable. We are all bracing to be the next ones to hear bad news. Dean brings the two women back into our waiting room and we all get up to give them hugs and offer small words of comfort to them. The hockey players are more like a family than a team, which means the families are all also close.

Trisha and I both learn that Alex and Brody are both in surgery. Thankfully still alive, though both have serious injuries. It’s going to be a long night. A few hours later I notice something that isn’t quite right.

“Trisha,” I whisper. “I just went to the washroom and I saw that I’m spotting and my stomach keeps cramping,” I say panicked.

“It’s probably just the stress. Try to relax and we’ll see if it gets any worse,” Trisha says, reassuringly.

“Am I going to lose the baby?” I ask her, my voice trembling.

“I don’t know Paige. All we can do is wait and see,” she says, honestly.

I try not to focus on what’s happening with my body and try to focus on Alex who’s still in surgery. After what seems like forever, the doctor comes in and calls Trisha’s name. She grabs my hand and I go with her.

“Mrs. Johnson, your husband, Brody sustained a severe blow to the head. We’ve done a craniotomy to allow the brain to swell. The next 24 hours are critical,” he tells us. Trisha squeezes my hand so hard it hurts but keeps her emotions in check and asks the doctor.

“So is he going to be ok? Is he going to wake up? What does all this mean?”

“It’s hard to say right now. Unfortunately, all we can do is wait and see what happens. The injury is severe, but people can recover from it. We will just have to see what happens,” the doctor repeats, with sympathy in his eyes.

“How is my husband Alex, doctor?” I ask him. I just couldn’t wait a second longer to ask.

“Mr. Cahill is still in surgery. He came in with a broken leg, a ruptured spleen and a collapsed lung. We are doing everything we can for him Mrs. Cahill,” the doctor says reassuringly.

When we return to the waiting room we see that a few of the players that only had minor injuries are now waiting with the families as well. They are pale faced, and clearly in shock.

“Are you boys sure you want to be here?” Mr. Winterhorn asks them. “I can make arrangements for you to get back to phoenix or home to your extended families if you want,” he offers them.

“We’re right where we need to be,” they all mumble softly together.

It brings tears to everyone’s eyes to watch these boys wait to hear news about their teammates. How they must be grieving the teammates they lost, and the ones that are not out of the woods yet. Mr. Winterhorn, or Dean as he prefers to be called, tries to get our attention at the front of the room.

“Everyone, if I could have a few moments please. I know this is an incredibly difficult night for everyone, but I thought I would share this with all of you. My phone has not stopped ringing and receiving texts from every team around the league. While we are all competitors the entire NHL is like one big family. They are all praying for your families and have offered any help they can. The Las Vegas storm owner has offered his private jet for any of you to get home, at any time. It will be on standby I just need to let him know,” Dean shares with us. “Let’s take a moment together and join hands and pray for the 5 young men we lost tonight,” he suggests.

We all stand and form a circle. It’s oddly comforting to just hold hands and look around the circle at one another. We take a few moments of silence and all pray for the boys that we lost and for the ones still fighting to survive. Just then the doctor comes back in.

“Mrs. Cahill, Alex is out of surgery if you’d like to come with me, you can see him for a few minutes,” he says. I’m already halfway out the door. I can’t wait to see my husband. “Please prepare yourself for what you are about to see,” the doctor says to me. “He’s got several cuts to his face, one eye is swollen shut and of course has the other major injuries, he is severely bruised in several places. Try not to let him move around too much,” he cautions me.

I stand outside the door to Alex’s room for a moment and take a few deep breaths before going in. I push the door open and it takes all my energy to not gasp out loud. My husband, doesn’t even look like my husband. I pull the chair to the side of the bed and gently grasp his hand.

“Hey,” he croaks.

“Hey,” I say back, kissing his hand gently.

“How’s Brody? How’s the team? Is everybody ok?” he half groans to me.

“Brody’s in recovery too. We aren’t sure about the whole team yet. You just need to worry about getting some rest so you can get better. Our baby needs you,” I say as I double over with a cramp.

“Hey what’s wrong Paige? Is it the baby? Are you ok?” Alex asks, while he attempts to get out of bed.

I push him back down on the bed and take a few deep breaths until the pain passes. “Trisha thinks it’s just the stress of everything today, but I’m spotting and having a few cramps,” I tell him. He squeezes my hand and pulls me a bit closer.

“Promise me you will see a doctor while you’re here. Please get the baby checked and make sure you both are ok. Otherwise I’m just going to worry about you,” he says worriedly.

“Ok I promise. I will come back and tell you what the doctor says. I don’t want you to worry. I’m sure it’s nothing,” I reassure him. “I’ll go now and be back as soon as I can,” I tell him.

“Babe. I love you always,” he says as I head to the door. It’s always been his phrase to me and it brings tears to my eyes to hear it now.

“I love you too,” I say back to him. I head out into the hallway when another cramp hits me. I head to the washroom at the end of the hall, as the pain increases. I make it into the washroom and the world goes black.

I wake up lying on the washroom floor. Blood has pooled between my legs. A sob escapes my lips as I realize I’m having a miscarriage. Trisha comes into the washroom and sees me trying to stand up.

“Oh my God Paige,” she shrieks. “Are you ok? I’m going to go get help. Just stay where you are,” she tells me.

Trisha comes back with a doctor in tow. They get me into a wheelchair and we head to an exam room. Half an hour later, the doctor confirms what I already know. I lost the baby. With everything else going on, how am I going to tell Alex? I pull on a pair of scrubs the nurse was kind enough to leave me. Everyone seems to know who I am, and have acted with such kindness. I head back up to Alex’s room and stand outside the door. Tears are streaming down my face. Pulling my shoulders back, I wipe my eyes and open the door, just as Dean is coming out of Alex’s room.

“I just told Alex about his teammates who didn’t make it. I wanted him to hear it from me. I’m glad you’re here. He’s going to need your strength right now,” he says to me, with a pat on the shoulder as he walks by.

I go back into Alex’s room and I can tell that my husband has been crying. He’s staring at the ceiling and won’t look my way. He’s always been a tough guy and this is the first time I’ve ever seen him like this. How am I going to add to his pain? I sit back down in the chair and grab his hand again.

“Alex, are you ok? I’m sorry about your friends,” I say to him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He finally looks over at me and a tear falls from his eye.

“The baby?” he asks, knowing the answer, just by looking at my face. I burst into tears and lay my head on the bed next to him.

“I’m so sorry Alex,” I sob.

His hand brushes against my face. “It’s going to be ok babe. We still have each other and that’s what matters,” he says, stroking my hair.

“I feel like it’s all my fault” I tell him. “You’re already going through so much and now this,” I cry.

“We’re in this together. I meant it when I said that. I’m done being stupid, especially after everything that’s happened. I can’t imagine how you must have felt not knowing what was happening. I just remember the brakes squealing, then, nothing,” he says, trying to comfort me.

“I know you’re right. I just really wanted this baby,” I say to him.

“Me too. If it happens for us, then great. If not, that’s ok too. We will figure out what the right future for us is. Once I’m out of here, we will have any future you want,” he tells me.

I ease out of his grip as he drifts off to sleep. I head down to Brody’s room to see Trisha. I didn’t think it was possible, but Brody looks worse than Alex. Brody is not awake, but Trisha is sitting by his bedside holding his hand. She sees me through the window and comes out into the hallway.

“How’s he doing?” I ask her.

“I was just going to ask how you are doing?” she replies.

“I’ll be ok. Just sad that I lost the baby,” I tell her.

“I’m not sure how Brody’s doing. The doctor’s say we have to wait and see,” she tells me, worry clear in her eyes.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” I ask, pulling her in for a hug.

“No, just pray for him,” she says into my shoulder.

I head inside Brody’s room with Trisha and sit with her for awhile. I can’t imagine how hard it is for her to not be able to talk to Brody. While Alex is hurt, I can at least talk with him.

Two weeks later Alex is resting at home. Brody is still in a coma. Trisha has the kids with her in New Jersey now, and the doctors are not optimistic about his chances for recovery at this point. I think that Alex is taking Brody’s injuries the hardest. With his injuries, Alex wasn’t able to attend the five funerals for his teammates but the organization is planning a memorial for later this summer, since there are many players who had to miss the funerals due to their injuries. Alex makes for a terrible patient. He’s so used to doing everything for himself, but I try to have patience with him. With his broken leg it’s hard for him to leave the bedroom, which today has given me a naughty idea.

I head into the bedroom wearing Alex’s favorite red lace lingerie, complete with lace stockings and a garter belt, that I’ve paired with my favorite six inch black stilettos. When I reach the bedroom door and Alex sees me his eyes glaze over with desire. It’s been weeks since we’ve been able to have sex and we are long overdue. I strut my way to the bed and get on all fours to crawl towards Alex. He’s only wearing a pair of boxers, so I have easy access to him. I pull out his already hardening cock and run my tongue along his shaft. I lightly graze my lips over the tip of his cock and Alex hisses out his approval. I take what I can of his huge shaft into my mouth, and wrap my hand around the base. I start a rhythm of stroking and sucking, which causes Alex to throw his head back and moan. His hand comes to the back of my head and encourages me to pick up the pace. After a few more strokes and licks with my tongue I can tell that my husband is close to the edge.

“Babe if you don’t stop now I’m going to cum,” he pants.

Instead of stopping I pick up my pace even more and take him deep enough he hits the back of my throat. This is all that it takes for his release to escape and his seed runs down the back of my throat. I look up at my husband with a grin.

“Be right back I tell him,” as I slip off the bed and head to the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and rinse my mouth with mouthwash. I go back into the bedroom and slowly strip out of my lingerie, until I’m only wearing my heels. Alex’s eyes don’t leave me for a second.

“Babe, I’m not sure what I’m able to do,” he says concerned.

“That’s ok. I can do all the work. I’ve missed my husband,” I tell him using my sexiest voice.

I climb back across the bed and kiss Alex forcefully on the lips. I am super horny and need to fuck my husband. Alex grabs me so that I’m straddling him as he continues to kiss me. He moves his lips down my neck as his hands cup my breasts. He runs his thumbs across my nipples, which are already hard pebbles. He pinches the nipples between his fingers, while licking my neck, and I let out a groan of desire. He slides his hands down and grazes my clit. My body bucks with a groan. I can feel that Alex is hard again so I bring his hand back up to my breast and position my body above him. I sink down slowly on his rock hard shaft and nearly explode from the intense feeling. I take a moment before I begin to move up and down, while Alex pinches and pulls on my sensitive nipples. He brings his mouth to one nipple and sucks hard on it. I scream out his name and slam myself on his shaft making him groan. I increase my pace and circle my hips. Alex throws back his head in a groan but then looks me right in the eyes as I continue my rapid pace. With our eyes locked on each other I explode around him, and a few strokes later he joins me. I lay my head on his chest breathing heavily. Alex brings my face up to his and kisses me.

“God I missed you,” he murmurs, against my lips.

“I missed you too,” I tell him, kissing him back. I lift myself off his body and lay beside him with my head on his chest. He puts his arm around me and pulls me as close as he can. We both fall asleep sated and fulfilled.

The next day Alex has to go to the arena for a team meeting. I help him to the car and drive him over. He’s super quiet on the drive.

“Are you ok?” I ask him gently.

“Yeah, it’s just weird going to the arena and knowing not all the guys will be there,” he replies.

Once we get to the arena, Alex uses his crutches to hobble in the arena and says he will call me when he’s done. Inside Alex slowly navigates his way to the team meeting room and takes a seat at the back of the room so he doesn’t have to navigate any stairs. As the guys start filing in they all fist bump or high five Alex before taking their seats. Coach Bennett comes into the room and everyone goes silent.

“Hello guys. Thanks for being here today. It’s great to see you all. First off I want to let you all know that there is a grief counsellor that has been hired for the team, and it’s mandatory that you all get cleared by her before you will be allowed to play next season. I know it’s hard to think of a new season without so many of our brother’s, but we all know that they would want us to continue to move forward. Dean is speaking the NHL commissioner to see if we can get any players from other teams to help fill our spots. We currently have 9 spots to fill and if we have to only use players from our minor team, it will be a struggle to be competitive. Just know that everything is being done to give us the best team possible come the fall. We have planned the memorial for Ray, Ian, Ben, Travis and Joe two weeks from today here at the arena. Their numbers will be retired and their jersey’s hung from the rafters. We are also going to put all their numbers on the backs of our helmets next season to honour our fallen teammates. We must come together as a team and grieve together, so that we can heal together. If there are no questions, then please make sure to sign up for your counselling session before you leave and I will see you all in two weeks,” he says to us.

No one has any questions so we all exit the room and head to the front office area to book our appointments. I can’t believe we have to have a fucking counsellor clear us to play. We’re hockey players, we don’t need no shrink. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way by the low grumbling I hear on the way out front. It’s probably why they made this mandatory. I call Paige to come and pick me up and she tells me that Brody is awake!

“Hey guys!” I holler out. “Brody’s awake!” I say. The guys all cheer and high five each other. “Paige and I are heading over to the hospital if anyone else is going,” I tell them.

Paige picks me up and we head straight to the hospital. I’m so excited that Brody’s awake.

“I can’t believe he’s awake,” I say to Paige.

“I know, right. Trisha is beyond happy,” she says.

We pull into the hospital and slowly make our way to Brody’s room. It’s so frustrating, I wish I could run. It feels like it’s taking forever for us to get there. We finally make it to his room and as I pass the window I stop and stare for a moment. Brody is smiling. Trisha and the kids are all around his bed chatting happily. I didn’t think this day would ever come. It’s so great to see them all so happy together as a family. They’ve been through so much. We head inside the room and Brody’s eyes light up.

“Good to see your ugly mug,” he teases me.

“Right back at you, jerk,” I tease back.

“We’ll give you two guys a few minutes alone together,” Trisha says ushering the kids out of the room.

“So has anyone told you what’s happened?” I ask, dreading that he knows nothing.

“Yeah, Trisha filled me in. I can’t believe that the guys are gone. Too young man, too young,” he says with sadness in his voice.

“They’re having a memorial service for them in two weeks. Hopefully you can make it. If not we can facetime you or something, so you don’t miss it,” I tell him.

“Oh yeah, at the meeting today we found out we have to be cleared by some counsellor before we can go to training camp,” I add with a laugh.

“You know I probably won’t make training camp, right?” Brody asks me. I stop stunned for a moment. It hadn’t occurred to me that he wouldn’t be out of the hospital by then.

“Well I’m sure they will save you a spot on the team if you’re not out of the hospital by then man. It’s the least they can do after everything you’ve been through,” I say to him.

“Dude, you don’t get it. I might be done playing, period. The doctor’s think that if I took a puck or stick to the head, even with my helmet on, that it could kill me,” he chokes out.

“Fuck! Seriously! That’s really fucking shitty!” I yell, frustrated for my friend.

“It’s ok man. Seriously. I’m just grateful to be here and see my wife and kids again. That’s what’s important in life. I’ve had a good career, so don’t be angry, be happy for me,” he says. Like geez when did he become so philosophical.

“Trisha told me about the baby. I’m so sorry for your loss,” he says quietly.

“Thanks man. We haven’t decided if we are going to try again or if we want to try a different route. There’s always adoption and surrogacy,” I tell him.

“Dude are you ok? You don’t look so good all of a sudden,” I ask him concerned. His face has taken on a pale look and his breathing seems to be getting laboured. All of a sudden Brody’s monitors start going crazy and he passes out.

“Help! I need help in here!” I yell down the hall. Nurses and doctors come rushing into the room with equipment. I’m ushered out the door as I hear code blue being announced over the intercom speakers. Trisha, Paige and the kids coming running down the hall. The door to Brody’s room fly open and they come running out with Brody on his bed still unconscious.

“Brody! Brody you stay with me!” screams Trisha as she runs alongside the gurney. The kids are huddled around Paige, fear clear on their faces.

“Is daddy going to be ok?” they ask us.

“I don’t know. I don’t know,” Paige tells them.

We head down to the OR waiting room with Trisha, as she tries to comfort her kids.

“Why don’t I take the kids down to the cafeteria to get something to eat,” Alex offers.

“You guys can pick anything you want to eat. Nothing is off limits,” he tells the kids. The three of them head off and leave Trisha and I alone.

“I can’t live without him,” Trisha cries. I wrap my arms around her and ask her how Brody and she got together. I realized I had never asked her before.

“We are high school sweethearts. Brody grew up next door to my parent’s house, so we grew up together. We started out as friends and when we hit high school he asked me to a school dance. We’ve never been apart since. There has never been a time in my life that Brody hasn’t been there by my side. At prom we knew he was going to be a high pick in the draft, so he got down on one knee and proposed that night. He said he didn’t want to play hockey, if I wasn’t there by his side. I could’ve just went with him as his girlfriend but he told me he wanted me to know that he was serious about us, and that he never wanted me to worry about the puck bunnies. They are always going after the NHL guys. Sometimes they even go after the married ones. In the first two years that we were married we had two miscarriages. We almost lost each other then. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have children and grieving the loss of our babies. Brody just shut down and spent more time with the guys. We actually reached a breaking point where I told Brody I wanted a divorce. I was tired of sobbing in the shower alone. I was tired of trying to get Brody to spend time with me and our sex life had become non existent. So Brody went and slept on a friend’s couch for two nights. That’s all it took for him to realize what an ass he was being and came back to me begging for forgiveness. Don’t say anything to Alex but we went to marriage counselling to get our marriage back on track. Then a couple years later we had Sam and then Brady. Our family is complete. I need Brody. The kids need Brody,” she pleads.

“Wow, you two have an incredible love story. I’m sure it’s not over yet. We are only going to think positive thoughts. If it wasn’t for you and Brody, I’m not sure that Alex and I wouldn’t still be fighting,” I admit.

“Do you think you and Alex will try to have your own kids and see what happens?” Trisha asks.

“I don’t know. I’ve always dreamed of having my own kids, but I don’t know if I want to take the chance of just having miscarriages over and over again,” I admit to her.

Just then the surgeon comes into the waiting room. One look at his face and I know Trisha’s life is forever changed. The doctor tells us that Brody had a brain bleed, which often happens with his type of injury and they weren’t able to save him, despite their best efforts. Trisha crumples in my arms and screams. Tears running down her face, I join my friend on the floor and hold her why she cries. I’ve never heard such a horrific sound, as the sounds coming from my best friend right now.

A week later we are all gathered in a church to say good-bye to our dear friend Brody. The church is overflowing with mourners. Brody played for 3 NHL teams and it looks like all the players he ever played with have come out to pay their respects. Paige and I sit with Sam and Brady, while people come up to Trisha to offer their condolences. I’m not sure she even hears them. Trisha has been zombie like ever since Brody died. It’s like a piece of her died with him. Hell I feel like a piece of me died with Brody. He was just one of those amazing people who come into your life and just make it better. I’m not sure how we will all move on from this devastating loss.

After the service we head to Trisha and Brody’s home for the wake. There is so much food. All the hockey wives and girlfriends have come together to make sure Trisha didn’t have to worry about anything. My teammates and I grab a beer and give a salute to Brody in the backyard. We’ve lost so many people over the past few weeks. No wonder they want us to have some grief counselling.

The following week is the memorial for Ian, Travis, Ben, Randy and Joe. The Phoenix sun is shining down upon us as we congregate to say our final good-byes to these amazing men. There are many fans here with signs of support scattered throughout. It’s touching to know how much we mean to the community and city we play for. Our GM and owner Dean Winterhorn steps up to the microphone.

“First I would like to say thank you, to all of our fans for coming out and supporting us on this incredibly difficult day. The prayers and well wishes have been overwhelming and have been appreciated by the entire organization and team. These 5 young men we are here to honor today were fantastic players, trustworthy teammates and loyal brothers. Their lives have been taken too soon by a senseless accident that could’ve been avoided. It’s hard to understand why some get to live, while others have to die, but all we can do is remember the ones who are no longer with us, with a smile on our face, and laughter in our hearts. I know that these fine young men, would want us to move forward and bring hockey back to Phoenix again. Today we raise their jersey’s to the rafters where they will watch over us as we play here in Phoenix. It will be hard to move forward but together as a team and organization, I am confident we can become a contending team again,” he says as we all applaud.

I drive over to Trisha’s to see how she’s doing. The nanny answers the door and says that Trisha is asleep in bed. Will Trisha ever be ok? Can any of us ever play hockey here in Phoenix again?