I Don't Give A Fap...

I know, I know... You need an explanation...or set of explanations...

Movember is a growing popular movement where men grow a moustache and donate money to various charities which support men's health around issues of testicular and prostate cancer, mental health and suicide prevention. There are various suggested charities and events that can be taken up if you are willing to lend a hand.

Fap, from the term 'fapping', refers to masturbating, and it is also now what people love to call 'No Nut November' - known as NNN - a month in which men abstain from the love that dares to speak its name over the Internet. This is also linked to the mental and physical health of men.

Now, guess which one gives me a serious case of the creeps.

Yeah, it is 'No Nut November'. I am already halfway there with the Movember charity (mustache just needs to be trimmed). I even have a t-shirt I purchased a while ago to support the cause (must look for it one day). And yes, I am abstaining from...you know...

Oh, wait. Back up a bit. Didn't I just say that I find the latter cause a little bit more than creepy?

Yes, I did. But the reasons why I am doing what I am doing, and why they are doing what they are doing, are not the same.

First, I like a challenge. Most of my day is spent teaching, writing, reading, running and picking at the guitar...which is possible now that I am spending less time being stroked - forgive the term - by the electronic box that is the online world. My big problem was simply not being able to step away from the phone when I had other things to do (so thankful such cellular tech did not exist for us Gen-Xers).

Second, discipline is a tricky thing. Who am I fooling here, besides myself, when I say that this is going to change my life if I make it to the end of the month without some of that old timey fun? I know what it is like after an abstention from any sort of pleasure: you celebrate; you count the cost of such a victory; you crash and burn. These are things I have accepted. But there are other things I have not accepted.

No Fap started on that wonderful and lovely social media site called Reddit, and has often been accused of being co-opted by far-right groups and figures who feel that not masturbating is better for men physical health (a lot of other studies might disagree with this). There have also been threats issued against porn web sites because, hey, you can't look away, right, fellas? Right? And please note that this is just for men, not women (what would women even call it? 'No Double-Clicking December'?). There is a great deal of mysogyny and outright hatred out there that women have to face from a growing segment of the culture that feels men are the targets and women the siren calling them to their doom.

Listen: I am trying this out for my own personal reasons. Daylight Saving Time has returned. I am preparing or marking papers for the end of a semester. My chances of having full contracts next year are slim. And I am also involved with writing for other online pages. These things take a lot of energy that I do not want to waste on a digital floating-world of carnality right now. As well, I have not dated in a while, which means that since I am not looking, people have been staring. Strange how you find things when you do not even seek them out.

And I apologize to those of you who feel I should not connect the two events, but it seems to be impossible to leave them apart. Movember is an excellent cause that I hope will spread and help more men out. No Nut November is like an amusement park ride that traps you halfway through the run without explaining why things got stuck.

And I hope that you are finding your own way through the dark days and the growing cold of the season.

Thank you for reading!

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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