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How To Feel Confident On Top

Tips and Tricks to Help You Feel Sexy in the Moment

By Ashlyn HarperPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

When it comes to sex, all of my insecurities bubble up to the surface. I'm incredibly aware of how my fat rolls, how small my boobs lie, and what positions that I should avoid at all costs. No matter what size you are, most women have these insecurities at one point in their life. Sex is such an intimate event that you can't help but feel completely exposed, both physically and mentally. Being on top in any form has always made me feel a tad uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, that is usually a position that most men and women love. For them, it is incredibly pleasurable and gives them the chance to see your body (which they typically think is absolutely stunning). Don't get me wrong, there can be something exhilarating about being on top. It can also be way too exposing depending on how you are feeling that day.

If like me, you get a little self-conscious during sex (especially being on top), then I have a few tips to help ease your discomfort. What you need to realize is that almost everyone (except the severe douche bags) see you as a goddess when you are on top. The problem isn't with them, but with us and letting our mind spin in circles. Use these tips to help get out of your head and enjoy the moment. Who knows, you might even feel sexy by the end of it.

Wear a Sexy Top

Lingerie is incredibly underrated these days. For some reason, it has become this tacky clothing that no one wants to be caught dead in. A lot of people also hear lingerie and think of the tricky contraptions used in Fifty Shades of Grey. While these are outfits (and can be fun if you are into that), there are also other outfits out there that will make you feel sexy and still be comfortable. I know, all the magazines say that men like a girl in just a bra and underwear.

Some men might be that particular, but I can guarantee most men (and women) will not turn down a chance to see you in a sexy silk shirt. I personally love lingerie because it can enhance the mood while still covering up anything I'm self-conscious about. Most women's insecurities stem from their stomach and hips. A sexy little top is a great way to cover up so that you can feel comfortable at the moment. Not saying that you need it, but it can help get over that fear.

Keep the Lights Dimmed.

This is a tip I used to always use with people I didn't know as well. Now, I'm comfortable with the lights on since I've been with my boyfriend for a lifetime, but it took me a while to get there. You don't have to keep the room pitch black either. Light a few candles or keep one lamp on. This can help boost your confidence to try new moves and is a great mood changer. There is a reason movies always have girls first time in a room filled with candles. It is romantic, can cast a sexy light, and still give you a bit of shade.

Talk About the Situation

This might seem silly, but it can be a game changer. Back in the day, I had severe insecurities about my body. I would hide in clothes way too large and never take a compliment. The problem was that my boyfriend loved when I was on top, whereas I was in complete horror the entire time. Finally, I talked to him about my insecurities. He was extremely compassionate about it, reassured me that he saw nothing that I was seeing and that we could change up our routine if I were that uncomfortable.

I cannot stress enough how important communication is in the bedroom. Most of the time your partner has no idea what is going on in your head. Even though I think I look uncomfortable, he just thinks I'm having a blast. Don't be shy about your feelings when it comes to sex. Both of you should be having fun, and sometimes you need to let them know what that looks like for you. You would be amazed how a few words can completely change your mood.

Take It Slow

While confidence can be the killer for the cowgirl position (aka being on top), it can also be the move itself. You think you have to put all this energy in it and, within a few seconds, the back of your knees are sweating, and you feel like a gross mop. Anyone will feel their self-esteem dropping in this situation. What you need to remember is that you are not a porn star. The people you are watching in those videos are taking breaks, moving positions, and have to practice in this. Just because you see it in porn does not mean you are held to that standard.

You don't have to rush through the motions. Sex doesn't have to be quick and easy. Take your time to get comfortable, move slowly, and find a position that works for you. After all, if you are not enjoying yourself, then sex kind of loses its luster. Just because your partner is enjoying it does not mean you have to suffer. Again, communicate how you feel and take a moment to find a new rhythm. It is possible for both parties to have a great time simultaneously. It just might take a little more practice than you thought.

Grow Outside of the Bedroom

It is evident that, if you have insecurities in the bedroom, you probably have a few in your everyday life as well. To feel sexy during sex, you need to build your self-esteem. This isn't something that happens overnight, but a practice that you have to work hard on. I wish I could show all of you how incredibly beautiful you are, but you have to see it for yourself.

You also need to come to the biggest realization that is staring right at you. Nobody is caring about the little flab of stomach you have during sex. Trust me, they are only looking at the sexy women who is causing them to orgasm. Also, boobs are boobs. It doesn't matter the size, people like breasts. When you start to realize that your partner is not nitpicking your body, you can begin to have fun. After all, you are all beautiful creatures. These tips are not to make you feel like you should cover up, but to help you until you acknowledge the fact that you are sexy just the way you are.


About the Creator

Ashlyn Harper

A chaotic room of stories. My curiosities lead me in all types of directions, creating a chaotic writing pathway. I want this place to be for experimenting, improving my craft, and sharing new ideas with anyone willing to read them.

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