Heaux Tales

I know that this is my sex blog but I also informed you that this my platform to talk about relationships, sexual wellness, and much more. I know my millennial women and men caught the bug of listening to Jazmine Sullivan’s EP, Heaux Tales and I hope you all understand the hype of this EP.

I saw that Jazmine had released singles prior to her EP but I didn’t want to listen to it until it came out. I wanted to get the entire experience of all songs. The day after the release, I sat in my car at work at 4:30 am and listened to it all. I lost my voice with all the screaming I did. But besides that, I never had an artist that I listened to go through things that I went through before and even currently with what I’m dealing with in life. Heaux Tales is the epitome of my life and what I will deal with in my future as a grown woman (even though I’m grown now but I still have to grow). So I’m going to be raw like this EP and dissect a few tracks and relate it back to myself. I am totally not the person who I used to be back in the day but it’s always so good to see myself from the outside looking in and seeing the growth I’ve had. I suggest that you listen to this EP first, before reading my shit so you can understand why I say the things I say below.

Whew, here we go.

Bodies

Y’all can’t tell me y’all had a moment where you were out there not giving two fucks about the body count — men and women. Whether it be after a bad break up, trying to prove someone wrong, or even out of spite. I was good in my teenage years, I waited to have sex after I turned 18, I had my high school boyfriend blah blah blah. I came to the realization of myself after I left a five-year relationship where I couldn’t be who I wanted because I didn’t know what to be. I had that opportunity to figure that out. I finally had the chance to be single. I was so happy. Dating apps, going out, seeing what life was like, and booty calls. While all this was happening, I got caught up with an older gentleman (old enough to be my daddy). I kept telling myself to stop because I wanted to experience the single life and I didn’t need to settle down. He was looking for a wife and I was looking to get some good dick. But I was in the wrong for leading him on. The feeling that I didn’t get in the five-year relationship I got with him. I wanted the best of two worlds. This section of life was where I had my highest body count. My ass drove to Charlotte, NC at 12 am to get some dick (which was amazing), I went out with my friends and found a guy and had a one night stand, drove to meet a truck driver, and fucked in the back of the cabin (twice), joined a sex chat room, and so many more tales. This was all spread across three years. I was thinking to myself like this shit is cool but I was also having a come to Jesus moment where I told myself, “Bitch, what are you doing? Who are you?” My older gentleman friend didn’t know what all that I did but he had a feeling that I was out there doing me. He wasn’t upset, but he was disappointed. One, because he was looking for his wife and saw that I was that person and it didn’t help that I was out here in these streets. Two, he saw me de-valuing myself. That I had lost respect for myself. And he sat down and told me about it. It then led to words flying back and forth. I remember I told him that I didn’t want a relationship. I’m just out here to fuck. He was taken back from that, as was I, now that I think about it. He told me that I’m not anyone’s number 2, I belong at that number 1 spot. He predicted everything that would happen to me if I kept playing around with these fuck boys. And gah damn, he was right.

I was like damn, maybe I do need to change. These dudes don’t respect me, I am a good girl and I’m being taken advantage of. I remember when I tried to slow down, men were becoming more aggressive because they enjoyed what they had from me. The moment I said no, their whole demeanor changed. I was now a hoe, a bitch, and a blocked contact. The colors showed true. The same treatment I received from some guys I messed around with, I did the reversal to them and it was a big issue. That’s when I started telling myself that I do deserve more. I need to take it back a few notches. My older gentleman friend saw that I was finally coming to self-realization and he thought that it was his turn to come to swoop and pick me up but I turned that down too. I needed to grow and experience myself before any other man can do that with me. My sloppiness ended. My worth became number 1.

Antoinette's Tale

When I first heard her tale, she went ahead and put it on the table. She was right when she said men do not understand that we have needs just as much as they do. Women are sexual beings. We have the same erogenous zones as any man would. I have told so many men that this pussy is theirs. I think one time I was asked whose's pussy this was and I dead ass answered, "Mine." It was dark so I couldn't see his facial expression but I knew he felt some type of way. I allowed this to happen. I honestly hate pillow talk because that is exactly what this is. Once sex is over it's like everything goes back to normal. So you tell me you love me, this is my dick, and that I am your girl. Then once the nut is gone, it's like everything goes out the window. I don't have time for the bullshit. That's how I know I'm not built for these streets. If the same exact thing was done from a woman's perspective, I am sure that the man would feel some type of way. Especially if the man is feeling you.

Pick Up Your Feelings

This song right here is my shit. This is that song where you are tired of all the bullshit from everything and everyone. In my five year relationship, we were together for two years before we moved in together. Everything was convenient for us. We both were working, I had to finish school, we were finally together after being long distance. It was the best experience I had and I can't wait to live with my future husband (wherever he is). Further down in the relationship, his attention was going somewhere else, emotionally. This dude literally was talking to another chick in front of my face and didn't give a fuck. So I took it upon myself to go through his shit and found the conversation. I didn't give a fuck and packed his shit up and left if waiting for him at the door. When he got home, he said, "Oh you did some spring cleaning?" Yes, negro, of your shit. Since you can't be grown and have a conversation with me and tell me where your void is, the door is right there to have conversions with other people because it isn't with me. We made up, he stopped for a little bit. But then it happened again, with the same person. Now I'm sitting here thinking to myself, bitch go take care of your kids and your husband and leave mine alone. No one cares about the fuck shit you do in your bathtub when you're masturbating. Go let your husband take care of your shit. And yes, this did happen. We didn't last after the second go-round.

My lesson was learned when I was still going through my heaux tales. I still kept giving these dudes my attention and my worthiness. They did not deserve it. Though I didn't have to pack up these other dude's shit, I had to pack up their feelings for me. I was okay with being told I was their girl and dudes were out here telling other women the same thing. I was out here showing them I am wifey material, giving these men what they wanted. And what did I get in return? An orgasm that I gave myself with my own toys. I didn't want that extra baggage anymore.

Ari's Tale + Put It Down

Have you ever had dick that spoke life to you? You didn't care how he talked to you in any kind of way, but you know that his dick was the best? Some may think this is toxic, but it isn't. If he is showing you that he can be a man and follow through on his shit, let the toxicity run through my bones. Have you ever had dick so good that you don't step out on the nigga like you're in a relationship? But there was no indication of a relationship created? If you said yes to any of these questions, you are entitled to receive compensation.

I've had a few good dick sessions with some men. They put it down good but there was still something missing. These next few words are going to show my transparency as a woman and it shows my truth and how I feel about this current day.

I finally hung up my heaux ways and wanted to grow. I was learning so much about myself and I still had my older gentleman friend around but he knew my intentions. He wanted to keep pursuing me and I turned blue in the face telling him no. I needed to be by myself and see how my next chapter in life would be. I wanted to look for a man who had good qualities to him and didn't bullshit around. I wanted him to not get upset with me because I decided to work all the time, or didn't care about my weight or the other flaws that I have within myself. I wanted to have a man that I could talk with but understand that sometimes I need my space. All the issues I had in my past, I didn't want that with this new man, as one would expect. Long story short, I believe I may found him.

I was on Instagram one day and I saw this dude and said to myself, "Hmm he's really cute. I don't think he'll pay me any attention but I'll add him back. He sent me a message after I accepted him and the rest was history.

When I tell ya'll that I would do anything for this man, I really will. If he wants the clothes off my back he's getting it. He showed me how to be a friend, how to take my time with growth. He understands me in ways that I didn't know how I understood myself. He caught on so quickly to how I am as a woman and he accommodates that. He knows that I don't listen to him (I do everything he says, eventually) and he still continues to deal with my bullshit. You would think that I get dick all the time from him but I don't and I am not upset with that. With everything going on in the world right now, it's impossible to do so. I care more about my health than getting what I want. That's why I have my toys and that's why I created this blog. It has been a year since I got that dick from him. I could literally go out and continue my heaux ways but it's not worth it. I know how to be patient. I know how these fuck boys will treat me. My girls see how my face brightens up when they say his name or when I think about him. He gets all of my time, I make sure that he gets what he needs and wants. I make him cookies and cheesecakes, put on lingerie, take pictures and send them to him, and so much more. I hate making him upset so I do what I can to be on my best behavior. Lastly, I have fun with him. He's that best friend, that lover, and that homie. But he is a man who I have grown to love so much. I can truly be myself with him. If the universe is parallel to each other and we end up being together forever, I am taking it for $1200, Alex (Jeopardy reference)! If things don't work out, it's fine too. I have my contingency plans in place (and no, it's not back to my heaux ways). But I thank him for allowing me to still grow and not rush into things. I can go on and on about my feelings but ya'll don't need to know all of that. He knows what it is.

On It

When Ari Lennox said, "take this water and hydrate, bitch," I felt that in my soul. When she said "I need more than a text message," I felt that too. We are too grown to deal with any bullshit. You prove to me why I should ride that dick. And I'll prove to you why I deserve that dick. The freaky things that entered my head when I first heard this. It was replaying it in my mind for free. I thought about that one time in August in the hotel room in New York and it was in my face. It deserved to get spit on. This song is nasty and I like it nasty.

Pricetags

This one is quick and short. My own money makes my pussy wet. I don't need a man's money to get what I want. I can see if you're married and money is equally distributed amongst each other to spoil. But ladies and men who are not married, get your own bread and treat yourself.

Get Like Me

I was going through a point in life where I am here giving out my worth but I didn't feel appreciated because I didn't appreciate or love myself. I wondered to myself as well, why do the girls on Instagram with the big, gigantic booties get all the attention? I get to the point where I am like I need to put myself out there. Why are men attracted to the false pretensions? I am sure these women have their own bullshit they dealing with and they are not being real with themselves. On the other hand, the hopeful girl like me doesn't get the attention, we look boring or not entertaining enough. I think I know why men do this. And someone please correct me if I'm wrong! If we as women do not show confidence in ourselves and know that we look good no matter what, why would a guy show his attention? There are plenty of other women out there who boast their confidence and they're appreciated more. That's why they continue to win. I realized that I don't need to be jealous of other women because I know what I have and it's pretty damn good. Instead of showing jealously, I show appreciation to other women. I look at their asses and say to myself that my ass will look like that (one day). If I show my true self on the inside, my beauty on the outside will shine through. I don't need to bring attention to myself and reach for clout. And that's all a man wants.

Of course, I didn't get into all songs because some of them don't relate to me. These songs really stuck out to me and I felt the need to say something about it. I have grown so much in the past decade. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have the connections I had then and now. Thank ya'll for allowing me to tell my shit.

Next Week: I will be back on my toy reviews. I wanted to get my sexy time on with Mr. C and show him my toys. So I will release my review for the OhMyG by Ioba toys. It's going to be a juicy one. Happy New Year everyone and let's keep the bullshit on the down-low.