Freedom

It was the willingness to explore a world Jade had never thought about that had led her here. Divorce had moved her down a path that she had never hoped to travel. After five years of doing the right thing, being a good military spouse and the poster child for being healthy. Jade found herself right back in the same spot that she started—alone and unhappy.

Timothy, her ex-husband, had been a keeper by all her families’ standards. He was the complete package. The poster child for white upper middle-class white America. .He was educated, good job, high sex drive and the willingness to explore all avenues of adventure that were presented. However, Timothy turned out to be an arrogant bastard who thought he was better than most, drank too much, and had the nerve to tell her it was over by wrapping her birthday present in divorce papers. In the end, he ended up with the house, the dog, their cats, and their life. Jade ended up with a broken down vibrator, a new job, a new life, and a new state to live in.

A trained psychologist, her experience began as a research project concentrating on what connected people to their sexual fetishes. Her idea was to show that people who engaged in acts of bondage, Domination and/ or submission, and sex involving pain were mentally unstable. “The again, “she wrote. “Marriage in itself is a lot like BDSM. In both cases what we see is one partner endures for the other. Except in marriage you get cheated out of the orgasm. How fucked up is that?”

The underbelly of society is what she deemed her subjects—until she got to know them. One was a graphic designer, another stay-at-home mom, landscaper; one of her favorites was a social worker, another—a third grade schoolteacher. When asked why each got involved in their lifestyle they each replied, without hesitation, because they wanted to.

The stay-at-home mom was the biggest mystery. Didn’t they have some kind unwritten law against something like that in suburbia? Wasn’t everybody supposed to have kids in soccer and make their own oh-so-cute Christmas cards? Her online was pretty tied up. As she explained why she choose that name she ran her hands through long black hair and smiled, “ Well, I’m forty and have three teenagers, their schedules always come before mine. And my husband says I look good in a rope corset with my hands tied above my head. Get it—pretty tied up.”

“Clever. What is the attraction?” asked Jade. “Where you abused as a child?”

“I’ll answer the first one, but you ought to have more respect than to ask the second one. That’s just wrong. I would think you’d have come to that conclusion. How many degrees do you have? Aren’t there like twenty of us talking to you? I suppose the saying is true.”

“And what’s that?”

“Just because you’re educated doesn’t make you smart.”

“That bitch,” Jade thought to herself. “No wonder your husband likes that ball gag so much.” The psychologist felt bad about the last comment before it even started.

“What’s the attraction?” Jade repeated.

“What’s the attraction? It’s a lot of things I supposed,” she smiled. “I do it for the endorphins, the stress release, there’s peacefulness that indescribable. It’s kinda like that kind of tired when you’ve just finished a fifteen-mile run.”

Each interview exasperated Jade’s curiosity. She began to look fetish websites, bondage and domination being the ones she was most drawn to. Jade might have called it research but her research alway ended in masturbation. Each new website enhanced the wetness between her thighs until her hand slipped slowly from desktop to inner thigh, and from inner thigh to warm wetness. She analyzed her reactions and episodes of self-gratification and termed them part of her study.

Jade filed all her subjects by their on-line names. It seemed easier to remember them that way. The social worker called herself erotic happiness. Ms. Erotic established herself as one of the Jade’s favorite research subjects with her off handed jokes and blatant honesty. Jade admired the easy way that woman had about herself while at the same time being intimidated by the amount of self confidence the woman displayed. In Jade’s opinion the woman really didn’t look like all that much.

It was the kind of confidence, that when channeled in the right direction, exuded a kind of sexiness that Jade wanted for herself. But how to get there was the question. In one interview Jade commented on Erotic’s amount of self assurance and asked how she got to that place in her life.

After a few moments of silence Erotic replied with a sly grin, “Let your self be tied up just once, with clothes pins attached to the lips of your vagina as hot candle wax is being slowly dripped on your nipples—you’ll realize you can endure almost anything and that alone is a very beautiful realization.”

“Why do you engage in this activity,” asked Jade as she looked over the glasses that were sliding down her nose, wiping away an auburn wisp that had escaped her barrette.

“Activity?” Holly, the social worker, replied as a smile spread across her tanned face. “What I do is more than just an activity—it’s a choice. You want to know why I like being tied up and spanked.”

“Well it is somewhat odd considering you work in a domestic violence shelter.”

The social worker just smiled, unshaken at the psychologist’s remark. After a long pause she replied,” Yeah, I know it’s ironic. I mean, I would so kick any man’s ass that try and hurt the women that I advocate for. However, I’ll let the right dom spank my ass all day long.”

The social worker could see that Jade was unnerved by her last statement. It amused her that people so rigid could become so scared of words—when really—what scared them the most was a world they didn’t know. “Oh, I think you don’t really want to know why I’m involved. I think you want to know more about how to get involved.” Leaning forward the social worker grinned as she slid a manicured hand under Jade’s skirt. Resting her hand between Jade’s legs she whispered, “I think what you’re wanting to know is how can I possibly tortured, shared, and marked—and still be comfortable with myself. Yes, that’s what I really think you want to know.”

“What gives you that impression?” sputtered the psychologist. Jade knew she should tell her subject to remove her hand but she didn’t want to.

“It’s in your eyes. You can deny it all you want—but it’s still there. You really ought to put an ad on a few web sites. I’ll give you some addresses,” said the social worker sitting back and removing her warm hand from between Jade’s moist thighs.

“That won’t be necessary,” clipped Jade, secretly hoping to find the same websites on her own.

The social worker told her story. Afterward she left a note.

Here are some sites to post a personal ad. Although you said you weren’t interested. I think you are more than excited that I gave you this information. And if I had to bet—you’re standing there smiling right now. Have fun and above all be careful there are a lot of freaks out there.

Kisses and spanks,

Erotic_happiness

Jade smiled then tucked the paper into her handbag for further consideration at a later time.

Three days later it only took the Jade ten minutes of courage to pen every pent-up sexual desire in a paragraph. As she wrote, Jade could feel years of sexual fantasy and oppression come to a boil. She had done her research. She knew what to look for. Keeping her options open Jade decided to start as a switch. After all, if she was going to let someone spank her ass the least, she could do is return the favor. Every one of her subjects had told her that in order to know the dominate role you must first be the submissive. Only dish out what you could take was the carnal rule.

“How else will you know what your sub is enduring for you,” replied the third grade teacher. Graying hair and slightly overweight, he looked more like someone’s grandfather instead of a man who tied and tortured willing women for fun. “Domination is not about beating someone no more than submission is an act of self deprivation. It is about another kind of sensuality. It is the kind of sensuality where every cell of your body is alive with awareness. In order to be a good Dom you have to learn how to take your sub to another place, to allow them to let go and travel. In order to appreciate that you need to travel there yourself.”

“Travel?” questioned Jade unable to wrap her mind around the concept of associating pain with pleasure.

“It’s impossible to explain unless you experience it for yourself. But I will tell you this much—once you let yourself go you will find amazing places. If you want I can give you the name of a friend of mine. Tell him I sent you and that you’re a newbie—he’ll help you with your curiosity,” smiling as he remembered when he had the same look that she did. The look that said I’m not interested but tell me more. He could tell she was hungry for details by her parted lips and her quickened breath as he began to describe a “session” with one of his subs.

‘Thank you but that information isn’t necessary for my research,” she interrupted.

“But isn’t it?” he replied with a look that made Jade quiver.

It started with a personal ad.

I want be able to explore freely with someone who I can trust.

I want a Dom who will show me off and share me with his friends, as well as, take pictures to add to my collection. I want a man who knows the sensualness of this lifestyle. Man who can appreciate a sub who is both sexy and intelligent. I need a Dom who can push me past my fears and help me step onto unknown planes. I want a man, who knows that as I build confidence in our world I build confidence in everything else that I do.

And a short reply

Really like your profile...experienced and considerate...you sound like a wonderful woman...want to meet a wonderful man?

The site was one that catered to adults with taste for fetish and fantasy. She was searching for a combination of Dom and lover—partner and protector, a man who would guide her in her exploration. She had asked for a picture but she received an email instead.

Last weekend, I'm on the plane coming to Anchorage. There is this lovely dark skinned stewardess walking the isle. I saw her beautiful chain link bracelet and commented with interest on the creativity. She sees the silver “story of o” ring on my thumb and the small silver lock and key on my necklace—her eyebrows rise. The next thing we know she is hanging from the doorway to the bathroom in my Captain Cook suite...legs kept wide with a beautiful leather spreader bar as I bring her to yet another climax.

Why wasn't that you?

As her eyes scanned and rescanned the computer screen her pulse quickened. Her mind played the scene described as the wetness between her thighs roared in her ears. His language suggested that he was more than a novice. His eluded skillfulness suggested he would be the one who directed the journey. A smile escaped pouted lips as she sent her reply

I WANT THAT TO BE ME!

Tell me where to meet you and I will gladly be there.

Anticipation started with the click of a mouse. So many what-if’s, what if he were married, what if there was no attraction, what if this was just a game for him—what if he turned out to be total disappointment. In the weeks since she had posted her ad she had met everything from a politician that was a closet cross dresser to a man who reminded her of an uneducated Aleister Crowley. A week went by before he returned with an answer.

Pick a place. I will choose the time. Sit quietly in the darkest corner and wait for me. You will see me enter. I will be wearing a scent best described as cloves and green grass, look, feel, smell as I approach you. You must know my smell. Study the ring on my finger—a silver penis crown adornment—touch it! Taste it if you like. I want you to know it. If my wishes are granted, the round silver ball on the ring will be flicking across your nipples, running the length of your inner thigh, engaging the engorged secret that is hidden, and exploring every inch that is you. You will be allowed to take off my jacket, see and touch my body, heavy muscled shoulders and strong thick arms. Say nothing until I ask you to speak. I will ask you if this is what you like. If this is what you desire. Speak now, a few words only, address me with respect and I will smile.

If your answer pleases me, I will allow you to explore the heavy surgical steel, intricately carved ring pulling and choking my manhood. I will put on my jacket; in the right pocket you will find your collar.

After a moment Jade paused to catch her breath. It only took four minutes for her to put the final plan in motion.

Would you like to meet me a jazz bar by the name of Angelo’s? I have rented a suite at the Hilton in order to ensure us absolute privacy. I hope all this pleases you. I will be sitting at the table to the left, in the darkest corner—just as you requested. Does Saturday night after seven work for you? I hope to see you soon.

With a click her choice was made. Jade was going to see what all the hype was about. At least that was what she said to herself out loud. However, in the deepest depths of her desire she knew this was something she had to do. Something she had to experience. In small moments she would secretly admit that she had always been intrigued by the taboo but was always to conventional to explore such untraveled territory. Within minutes and much to her surprised Jade received a text message.

ANGELO’s @ 7 p.m.

THIS FRIDAY NIGHT.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU TRULY

WANT MY PET. ONCE YOU START

THIS THERE

WILL BE NO TURNING BACK.

“Man do these people ever take this stuff seriously!” Jade thought to herself. “Like, I’m really ever going to get that deep into this. This is just a research project. Okay. so it’s the most unconventional research project in sociology history but it is what research is—research.” As she walked out of her office Jade could have sworn she heard someone whisper in her ear “yeah keep believing that.”

Minutes rolled into hours and hours into an eternity that Friday. Even though she had a full schedule to keep mind occupied Jade often caught herself staring at the clock for an indication that the day was moving along. During the afternoon her mind drifted into possible scenes of what was too come. So much so that she let a support group run itself and was told by several subjects that she wasn’t listening to them. One of them replied, “I know how it is. I get the same way when I’ve smoked to much chronic. It’s all good.” Even though she hadn’t smoked weed in years, her nerves told her that today was the day. Jade praised an invisible Jesus when her best friend said that he had just picked up a bag of the “bomb-diggity.” Better yet—his apartment was five minutes away from her final destination.

“How goes the research project. Did you figure out the fascination of getting one’s ass spank while being tied and gagged?” laughed Joe his multi-colored dreds swaying in the breeze like an exhale in an open window,

“It’s more than that,” replied Jade, more defensively than she intended.

“Is it now?” asked her friend with a look of surprise. “Oh hell, Jade you’re up to something aren’t you?”

“Why whatever do you mean dearest?” smiled Jade inhaling. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“My ass you don’t know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the way you do you’re research just blows my mind. Need I remind you of the time you were doing research on hate groups? Let me jog your memory baby girl. As I recall, you thought you would have better references for your paper if you joined some KKK group out of Alabama. I think it was Alabama but don’t quote me on that.”

“But my grade,” laughed Jade.

“Hold up, I’m not done. The best part of it was you tried to talk me into calling them, just to chat with them, because you said and I quote—you’re a white male they’ll like you better—unquote.”

“Well they would of.”

“Damn, when’s the last time you’ve ever heard of somebody calling—the Arian Nation—just to chat? Like never, I love you girlfriend but whatever is wrong with you ‘tis no small thing. Which leads me to my next question what have you got up your sleeve this time around and don’t act like you still don’t know what I’m talking about,” exhaled Joe as he handed her the bong.

“I’m meeting a man who claims to b a dom.”

“A what?”

“A dominate male. You know the person who does all the tying, gagging, and spanking.”

“Why?”

“Just to see what it’s like.”

“What’s what like? Are going to let a man you don’t know tie you up? Damn Jade, we’ve been friends for years and never once have I had that kind of offer. I’m a little jealous.”

“Shut up! I’m just meeting him for a drink.”

“I’m sure.”

“You just think you know everything.”

“No, I just know you.”

Two hours later, in the darkest corner of her favorite bar, she waited for fate and fantasy to take shape. It had taken her over an hour to decide what to wear. “Desirable yet professional,” Jade repeated over and over until she decided on green dress that gathered at the waist and showed swells of breasts as they breathed captured in lace. Sipping her Appletini, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was already somewhere in the bar watching her waiting for him. As she fidgeted in her chair she was startled by the sound of her cell ringing.

“Hello.”

“Are you there?” asked a deep raspy voice that spoke of cigars and jiggers of whiskey. “Are you as I asked you to be?”

“Yes,” exhaled Jade softly.

“Good girl,” answered the mystery on the other end of the line. “Here are your instructions. If you have panties on you are to take them off and put them in your handbag. Order your self another drink and wait for me.”

In the snap of a second, he was gone, leaving Jade to grasp the wholeness of the situation. Without hesitation she removed red satin panties and ordered another drink and waited. Five minutes passed—then fifteen—after twenty Jade concluded that she had been played with. As she began to reach down for her discarded underclothes, she felt a hand run up the back of her neck and slowly caress the curve of her head. In an instant whatever was happening in the bar no longer registered as Jade tiled her head to the left as if to offer her neck to warm lips and calloused fingertips.

“My dear, how lovely you look this evening,” he whispered in her ear as his caressed traveled to her shoulders and grazed the curve where dress met breast. “And you smell divine.”

“Thank you,” Jade murmured trying her racing pulse. Research, Jade this is research.

“Do you mind if I sit across from you?”

“Not at all.”

The voice transformed into man as he sat down across the small table from her. Jade couldn’t help but notice green eyes peering from an angular face. His black hair seemed a loose bundle of curls. A mixture of arrogance and self assurance exuded from the grin on his face. He seemed to be looking through Jade, unpeeling her layer by layer as if she were indeed a forbidden fruit. “You are very lovely.”

“Thank you.”

“So tell me pet,” he asked his dark hand covered hers. “What attracts you to this lifestyle?”

“The mystery of it all I suppose. I think it’s a good thing to explore worlds you don’t know anything about.”

“Is that all?”

“For now.”

“What are you expecting to happen?”

“Nothing really. I have no expectations therefore I am never disappointed.”

“Why did you agree to meet me?”

“Curiosity.”

“Is curiosity the reason that you took your panties off in public? Did you do it because it’s something that you would have never done alone? Is that what you need pet, someone to tell you its okay to do taboo things. Be honest with yourself.”

“Maybe you’re a little bit right.”

“I’m sure I’m more than a little bit right.”

“How’s that?”

“You’re, here aren’t you? If I had to guess these thoughts have been lingering in that over-educated head of yours for a long time. You say this is research, but I’m thinking that it became more than research the minute you agreed to meet with me”

“Perhaps.”

“Finish your drink. I would like us to go to a quieter place.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean I just met you and,” stammered Jade as excited by the prospect, as she was scared at the notion.

“And what,” he whispered in her ear putting her shawl over her shoulders.

“And I just met you so”

“Are you afraid of me pet?”

As she opened her mouth to answer Jade realized that she had never been as lucid as she was at that moment. Without hesitation she removed herself from her chair and followed the smell of green and clove out into the parking lot and into her yellow SUV. Before she could get herself situated, Jade felt her head being pulled back by a fistful of her hair as his other hand spread her thighs and probed the wetness between, thick lips grazed over her taught skin leaving her shivering.

“Isn’t this what you wanted —to see what it is give someone else control—to see what it really means to be dominated.”

A barely audible yes escaped between pulses of panic and pleasure. A small disturbance erupted from the back of her mind. Every stroke of his finger on vulnerable flesh slid her further from reality. Jade felt his hand readjust on her scalp; pulling her down onto his exposed sex the soft skin of his manhood caressing her face and tracing her lips as he whispered softly of earning the privilege of tasting him.

“When you are with me you are to understand that nothing else exists outside of this moment. The only thing that matters is what I expect from you. As long as you belong to me there will be rules. You do want to belong to me don’t you pet?”

Before she could stop herself Jade nodded yes as she was being pulled to an upright position. Still holding her by her hair he kissed her gently as if to reassure her of her safety. His free hand moved up her shirt and slid her bra over swelling breast. “Tell me what you want, what do you expect?”

“I don’t know what to expect,” Jade replied leaning her head on his chest as his fingers search for everything that was exquisitely taboo. It had occurred to her that she was still in the parking lot of her favorite bar. She didn’t care. Nothing else existed beyond what was happening at that moment.

“What do you want then?” he asked.

“Freedom,” she relied.