Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned

My need for sex and companionship was at odds with public health rules

My first week of isolation during COVID-19 didn't go so well. You see I'm a hotwife and social isolation really interrupted my life.

Before COVID-19, I would meet one to two men each week for fun and pleasure. This is where it gets a little interesting, you see I'm fitting in these dates around work, marriage, and motherhood.

A hotwife is a married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals.

Oh, Father, you look so confused. You haven't heard the term hotwife before? The Urban Dictionary describes a hotwife as "a married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals. Often, these relationships are in pursuit of fulfilling the husband's/couple's fantasies."

You see Father, I am a happily married woman who enjoys a very healthy sex life inside and outside of my marriage. I am ethically non-monogamous. In fact, I love recreational sex. My husband is fully aware of my deep-seated need to engage with other men for companionship and sometimes sex. While I respect the institution of marriage, I'm a firm believer that recreational sex is good for my mental health.

Hotwifing has made my marriage stronger.

My husband encourages me and fully participates in my hotwife experience by helping me vet the men and sometimes couples I find on Tinder and Feeld. In fact, hotwifing has made sex better and my marriage even stronger.

Father  -- you look uncomfortable  --  breathe.

You see Father, last March I didn't know how long we were going to need to isolate. The world was going crazy. Some people started to panic buying toilet paper, flour, and cleaning products.

I stocked up on SEX.

I reacted differently. Instead of filling my cupboards with products, I did what any self-respecting hotwife would do - I stocked up on SEX.

Father, as the walls of isolation began to lower, I suspected it might be a while before I could hunt and play as a hotwife again. I knew I had to bank some sexy time so I began booking evenings with my regulars and then went on Tinder and Feeld to book a few more.

By the end of that first week, I had gone out with six different men. Two were regulars but four were potentials. Yup, you heard me. Six men over six evenings. Of course, like any self-respecting Catholic girl, Sunday was my day of rest.

One man or woman cannot fulfil all of the needs of another human being.

Being able to actively pursue sex outside of my marriage makes me feel alive. Having the full consent and encouragement of my husband is like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae.

Hotwifing has given my marriage a jolt of adrenaline and makes me feel alive. I firmly believe one man or woman cannot fulfil all of the needs of another human being. We all need people in our lives to help round out our social, emotional, and intellectual needs.

The concept of humans having to isolate themselves from each other to prevent the spread of this virus terrified me. Humans are social creatures. I wasn't scared of the virus, I was terrified about the effect isolation might have on my mental health.

Hotwifing makes me feel alive.

For me, being a hotwife allows me a few hours each week to escape the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood. In addition to giving my life balance, it also gives me energy. Having the freedom to pursue relations with other men makes me feel alive.

Social isolation might try to kill me but I'm going to put up a good fight.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

© 2021 Belle du Journey