Forbidden

My breathing was labored, uneven, as I let myself collapse. The smell of hay surrounded me, the sharp edges sticking into parts of me I'd rather not think about reminding me where we were.

"That was-" he panted, pausing as he tried to collect himself.

Fast, I thought. Instead of voicing it, however, my response was simple. "Yeah."

A thin sheen of sweat covered me despite the damp and dusty air in the crumbling old barn. Its walls were barely held up thanks to years of disrepair and neglect, making it more open than was probably safe, but it was still the best place to meet when one didn't want to be seen.

When you didn't want to get caught.

Running a hand through my hair, tangled now with sweat and who knows what else, I pushed out a breath. "I'd better go. It's getting dark...." A glance out one of the windows, cracked in places and fogged with age, showed the dull orange-red of a setting sun. If I was caught outside after curfew, not to mention caught outside my district, it wouldn't be hay stabbing into me I'd have to worry about.

I started to sit up, my eyes flicking around nearby for my clothes, but arms immediately wrapped around my waist to halt the movement. Despite my attempt to resist, I felt my lips quirk of their own accord. "We still have time," came the whisper from behind me. A feather-light kiss was dropped on my bared shoulder. The feel of hands trailing along my sides and up to brush the edges of my breasts made goosebumps rise on my skin. I swallowed.

"You know what will happen if they find us," I tried but those fingers traced the curve of my breast and a shiver that had nothing to do with the breeze whistling through the dilapidated boards moved over my body. A soft murmur is the only indication he heard me. I'm not even sure at this point if I heard myself. The feel of his hands is the only thing I can focus on. The rise in the peaks of my nipples is all I can feel. Warmth pooled low in my belly and I struggled to remember why I need to leave.

Without warning, I'm suddenly on my back, looking up into the greenest eyes I've ever seen. A low mewl of need escaped my mouth but was quickly swallowed by his own covering mine. Sparks flew. Electricity burst over every inch of me. Fire. All of the above. I knew I needed to leave, knew how forbidden this was, but my body betrayed me. Just like it had every other time we'd stolen away to this barn, searching for something we weren't allowed to have.

Love.

The sun had set by the time we finally came up for air. I had lost count of the times we'd come together, exploring sweat-soaked skin we knew as well as we knew our own. The feel of him filling me, stretching me, was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I ached by the time we were truly spent but it was the most delicious ache, right between my thighs. I wasn't sure I would be able to move but knew we had to. If anyone caught us, if they knew.....it was too horrible to consider. I couldn't, wouldn't, let it happen.

We parted, separately as always, never daring to be seen leaving the barn at the same time. I left first, trying to ignore the way every single cell in my body screamed at me to turn around and go back. My mind drifted, thinking not only of the many climaxes I'd enjoyed but also of the consequences of that pleasure. Sex was not supposed to be fun. It was not meant to be a choice at all. Women had been brutally massacred and mutilated for daring to orgasm, in fact. Seeking out a partner that was not assigned to you was treason in the highest form. What happened to the men was worse. Those who weren't attracted to the opposite sex at all....well. My mind shied away from that line of thought. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes as memories struggled to fight past the wall I'd erected. But I couldn't let them through. This world held no mercy for the weak. I could only assert my small rebellion by daring to choose.

It would have to be enough.

****

The next morning, I got out of bed feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Maybe this world didn't have to be a prison. Maybe finding joy in what small things we could would make it better. We'd had a heat wave the past few days, comparatively speaking, and it was nice to see the blinding sun obscured by clouds. The barn wasn't far though I knew I couldn't go until my chores were finished.

By the time I started making my way across the aged yellow-green grass, the clouds had darkened. I smiled. Maybe a storm would come, giving me the excuse of staying longer to stay out of the rain. Nobody wanted people to risk catching a cold, after all. Humming softly to myself, I let my mind drift. Would it be like yesterday? The heat moved over me like butter sliding over a skillet as I imagined. I quickened my pace, eager to ease the ache forming low.

The crumbling walls of the barn greeted me over the next rise, causing me to hurry forward even more. The huge double doors stood open which was not a normal occurrence. Our meetings required the utmost stealth, the utmost care. We never left the doors open lest someone walk by. It didn't happen often but that didn't mean it was impossible. Despite my sudden unease, I pushed the worry aside. He was probably just early and eager. He wasn't nearly as cautious as I was.

As I approached, the smell was the first thing I noticed. The barn was old, housing all manner of mold and excrement from whatever animals took shelter inside from time to time but this wasn't a smell I could attribute to animals or environmental decay. It had a copper hint, a rusty odor that was familiar but also difficult to place. Pausing, I sniffed, trying to make sense of it. Had it been there yesterday? My brain struggled to bring forth a memory of it but there was nothing. Only the fire of his body moving in mine, the sounds from us both as we came together. Surely such a smell would have stuck out in my mind.

Pulling the doors open wider, my foot seemed to stick to the hay beneath it. Glancing down, it was like everything froze. My stomach seemed to fall straight through my body, landing in a heap at my feet.

Right on top of the bloody puddle I was standing in.

My hands began to shake and I suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe. I knew, with a sudden and painful clarity, what this meant. Swallowing back the bile rising in my throat, I was vaguely aware of a droplet of wetness bouncing off my cheek. The haze that seemed to have settled around me shifted and I wondered if it had started to rain finally. The thought brought a bubble of laughter up with the bile, the sound choking off in a hysterical half-sob at the absurdity of it.

Stepping inside, my eyes immediately landed on what I both feared would be waiting for me and yet hoped against hope would not be there. His beautiful body, still in the same place I had left him the day before, was mangled nearly beyond recognition. A scream echoed around me, strangled and desperate and wild. It took me several long moments to realize the sound was coming from my own throat.

Red painted everything in sight, every surface, every fixture, every single damn piece of hay. Slowly, I took in the script scrawled on the wall behind where he lay. Game Over, Rule Breaker. My chest tightened, knees losing all ability to support me in an instant. Before the new liquid consistency of my limbs brought me to the ground, I felt a solid weight connect with my lower back.

I didn't even fight as men in masks surrounded me and forced a cloth into my mouth and a sack over my head. I welcomed the pain that came from their boots, from the ropes they wrenched around my wrists. And I welcomed when I felt reality slipping away as a darkness entirely unrelated to the cloth blocking my view pulled me under the most.

All actions brought consequences. I just hoped I would wind up like him rather than any alternatives.