Finding Yourself Through Sexual Meditation

By now, we've all heard about the benefits of meditation. It helps you relax, reduce stress, and even focus easier. But, there isn't just one type of meditation. In fact, standard meditation doesn't work for everyone. I'm one of those people. Sitting still and listening to a soothing voice instruct me on how to breathe actually makes my anxiety skyrocket to the point of a panic attack.

I've tried mindfulness and breathing exercises. I said mantras until I hated the sound of my own voice. Did you know your own voice could get on your nerves? Found that one out the hard way. What I hadn't tried yet - sexual meditation.

What is Sexual Meditation?

It's exactly what it sounds like. Sex, but meditative. Some people refer to it as tantric meditation, but there's a bit more involved with tantric. However, the same principle applies - finding a relaxing, centered state of mind by getting in touch with your body, literally.

The hardest part (no pun intended) for me was remembering this is all about the journey, not the big O. Seriously, there's zero pressure to orgasm. If you've ever been stressed, tried to masturbate, and given up frustrated because you couldn't finish, sexual meditation might be just what you need.

Isn't It Just Masturbation?

No. Not at all. That's what I thought at first. But, after your first successful session of sexual meditation, you'll feel the difference.

During this type of meditation, you focus specifically on sensations. You don't fantasize, you don't watch porn, and you don't sext with someone. This is completely about the physical feelings. Your mind becomes so engrossed in the feel of your fingers against your skin that you can't think of anything else.

It's Masturbation, But Insanely Better

Sure, we could just grab a toy and get off in a few minutes, but that high goes away just as quickly. Imagine having that orgasmic high for hours, even if you don't actually orgasm. Not only does it feel amazing and help you discover new ways to touch yourself, but it leaves you with this peaceful zen that lasts long after your meditation session is over.

Discovering Your Sexual Zen

You only need one thing - a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Feel free to put on a little mood music or light a scented candle. When I researched sexual meditation, experts recommended instrumental music to avoid getting too focused on lyrics. Some soft instrumental guitar tunes worked well for me. And yes, I tried a playlist of suggestive music that usually turns me on, but it was way too distracting for this purpose.

Start by turning the lights down or even off. The fewer distractions, the better. I found that adding a blindfold amps up the sensations and keeps me more focused.

Next, slowly take your clothes off. Focus on the sensations of the fabric brushing your skin. There's no rush here. Take your time. Even the sound and slight vibration of your zipper going down can make your mind and boy react in new ways when it's done slowly and deliberately. You're seducing yourself, so enjoy it.

Once nude, lay down however you want. The idea is to just get comfortable. Some people say they have better results when sitting in a chair or just leaning back against a bunch of pillows.

Then, slowly and gently touch yourself. Don't make a beeline for the sensitive bits. Remember, it's a journey, not a sprint. Your goal isn't orgasm, though it's a nice way to finish.

Set a time for your sexual meditation session. I set my timer for 30 minutes the first time. I'll admit it didn't go so well at first. I kept thinking of my usual fantasies and then telling my brain to shut up. In fact, most of my first session was trying to get my mind to be quiet and not just going with my usual techniques to get off.

I tried three sessions my first week. It wasn't until my third session that I finally got it right and discovered sexual meditation was a life changer for me.

I didn't get off any of those three times. However, by the third session, my mind stayed focused on the feeling of my fingertips on my lips, how my hair brushed against my neck as I breathed, and the pattern of goosebumps that appeared as my fingers trailed down my side.

Experiment with different types of touch. Bounce back and forth between feather-light touches and deeper, massage-like touches. Touch yourself everywhere you can. Touch your face, neck, arms, legs, hands, butt, chest, breasts, and of course, genitals.

The key is to take it slowly and just enjoy how things feel. Imagine it as a long, sensual massage that gets you mind completely off of any stress. I don't think my mind has ever been that quiet and relaxed.

Now, I meditate sexually at least twice a week. It's much easier to enjoy touching yourself than sitting still and breathing while your butt and legs go to sleep. Since starting sexual meditation, I have fewer headaches, I sleep deeper and better, work stress doesn't get to me much at all, and I love my body more than ever, flaws and all. Plus, my anxiety has lessened, which is a surprise.

No, you probably won't "finish" every time, but if you feel more relaxed and content afterwards, that's what matters. It's a no pressure environment. You can even use it as a tease for yourself, building up to a fun orgasmic night alone or with someone.

Give it a try if standard meditation isn't working for you. Or, do it alongside other types of meditation. You have nothing to lose and it feels great.