Curiosity Killed the Sub

Spontaneity gets me into trouble all of the time. I can be so reckless with my decisions that I have often joked about a need for a life supervisor. Others have joked that I have a natural magnet for trouble in me, while less fun people inform me that my decision-making skills are poor. Whatever the perspective, I know for certain that I have a knack for the strangest, funniest, most awkward situations possible. You're reading words from a girl who elbowed a fist bump from a healthcare worker after trying to force a handshake during a pandemic. I promise, none of this is an exaggeration. I'm just gifted.

Along with my spontaneity, I have a penchant for all things dark, mysterious, unusual, and taboo, which probably does not help my inability to control my snap decisions. One of the things "darker" things that I am fond of is BDSM (for those who aren't aware, BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism and Masochism). My sexual personality probably has the best safety net for my magnet because I get to discuss and plan boundaries with my Dom, ensuring that anything remotely close to "dangerous" has a full safety plan to correct any potential issues immediately.

My BDSM fascination began fairly early in my sex life, and one of my more extroverted friends (who was also submissive like myself) started searching for other people like us. Luckily for me, she had excellent research skills, and discovered an upcoming meeting for locals who enjoyed the darker side of sex. We set it up for me to drive with my two best friends (all subs, and I point this out for a reason we will get to later) and anxiously awaited the night of the meeting.

The night came, and we found the location of the meeting with ease, since it turned out to be an enormous building on the campus of a university in town. I parked and we all walked up together, anxiously chattering and shivering from a mixture of the bitter cold and our nerves at meeting people like ourselves. We went up an enormous flight of concrete steps, opened the large, heavy doors, and stopped dead in our tracks.

Before us was a hallway larger than life itself. Doors were closed everywhere, a few elevators were nearby, a night cleaning lady was giving us a strange look, and a nearby lobby held multiple sets of tables and chairs with no one sitting at any of them.

We looked at each other nervously. Where were we supposed to go?

The nerves of being completely lost and unable to sort out further directions created a giggle fit among all three of us. "What if we ask the cleaning lady?"

I smacked her arm lightly. "How do you propose we do that? Ask her where all the kinky people go? We just need to look for someone who looks...kinky."

My other friend cracked up. "How do you know what looks kinky or not?! They're not going to meet up in a freaking college building in ass-less chaps!"

Our laughter echoed through the large, empty rooms and hallway, and the cleaning woman got on an elevator. We ended up laughing harder because we were fairly certain she left due to the noise we were making. We walked all the way to the end of the hallway, looking for signs of people meeting, to no avail.

"You'd think there might be a sign or something, you know, to tell people where to go." I started to check university bulletin boards when my friend started another giggle fit.

"Yeah I'd put up a bunch of signs screaming THIS WAY TO THE HORNY PEOPLE!"

That was when a random student exited a room, gave us a dirty look, and headed for the building's exit with an armful of books.

If we didn't stop ourselves from laughing like drunk buffoons, we were never going to find our destination, so we decided to hit the second floor and see if anything obvious came up.

Success! We walked off the elevator and right down the hallway, there was a room with double doors wide open and a large amount of people inside. Some were dressed casually while others were a little more business casual. There were men in pink tutus and feather boas, women in leather, and everyone was entirely comfortable as they were. It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen.

Until the anxiety kicked in.

I'm a sub at heart, and I always have been. I wanted desperately to move forward into that room, but the little paranoia kept squeaking in my ear that someone else needed to go first.

"Go. I'll follow." I didn't tell either friend in particular, I just whispered it loud enough so that one or both would take the lead.

"No, you."

"No way. You. I'm not going in first."

"Are you serious right now?"

"I'm so serious. You go first."

"I can't. Oh my god, I cannot deal with this. How are we going to get in there?!"

"You just walk in the door, it's not that hard." My logic tried to come out, but it didn't get us very far.

"Then walk in the door, Danielle."

I was somewhat offended but, again, I couldn't help laughing. "No way! Why is this such a thing, we are seriously never going to get in there. What are we going to do, stand here the entire meeting and just act like we meant to do that?"

My friend cracked up. "This is so bad. This is so, so, bad."

"It shouldn't even BE this bad! Someone just walk in!" I laughed through my exasperation, starting to wonder why I ever agreed to this in the first place. We clearly needed help in a way we weren't finding.

A few people walked off the elevator and headed straight into the meeting room.

"It's literally that easy. Just go."

"I can't do it. I don't want everyone to stare. Now we've stood here long enough that they'll DEFINITELY stare when we walk in!"

We went back and forth like this for the longest time. Several people exited the elevator and went straight into the room without hesitation, and yet all three of us submissive women had no one to take control of the situation and get us in there. It was frustrating, but we couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous the entire situation was. If it was going to happen to anyone, it would definitely happen to me.

Eventually, a man in a suit came off the elevator with two women. He had dreadlocks down to his waist and an air of strength, and I could tell immediately that he had to be a Dom. He happened to notice us standing in a weird little football-like huddle and loudly asked, "Were you looking for the kink meeting? It's right here, you can go ahead and go in."

"Okay!" We all three replied in unison, and thus, the day was saved.

It might not be the worst thing to happen to anyone, but for anyone who has anxiety, you know how these types of moments can feel. Anxiety is a frustrating mental health issue that definitely played a role in all of our capabilities to enter a room; however, with the right people (who happen to be kinky subs like myself), the right attitude, and the right approach, anxiety can turn into one of the funniest memories you have.

It's like my good friend once said...

"It's all about perspective."