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Cum As You Are

Unlocking The Secrets Of The Mysterious Female Orgasm

By Alexa LovelyPublished 7 years ago 8 min read

To be honest I didn’t think I would do this post but since starting a blog about sex I got to thinking about the fact that plenty of people are still mystified about the female orgasm and that definitely includes a lot of women as well as men. Sorry but if they did then we would not be living in a world where a lot of women have never even had one. Yep a lot of ladies go through a lot of their lives and sometimes their entire lives without having a proper orgasm let alone a full on g-spot electrifying one. Here are a few things to consider when trying to figure out the female orgasm. Alexa hopes this helps more ladies get over some of the body image and stress issues that make it hard to let go and have the sexual experience they deserve and that the men reading this will use this information wisely too!

Size Matters But It's Different Than You Might Think

There are all sizes of people out there and as much as a lot of people don’t want to talk about it, the size you are in your genital area has a big impact on sexual satisfaction. This goes for men and women. Women can have big or small genitalia just like a man can. How all this matches up can influence how a person goes about having a positive sexual experience. The Kama Sutra talks about this a lot, classifying women and men into three different size categories. Just like a man can have a small, average, or big cock, a woman can have a small, average, or large “yoni”. The good news is that there is someone out there that is “ahem” a good fit for you and at least some of this is about personal preference not actual body size.


Sex was better in my 20s and in my 30s than when I was younger. Let’s be honest about the time it takes a woman to get off. It often takes a girl a lot longer than a guy unless he is holding back. Being young, excited, horny, etc, leads to sex ending pretty quickly combined with her own lack of experience in knowing what she wants. This is a cruel trick of nature but it is what it is. Foreplay helps out a lot. Oral sex on a lady can help give her some extra stimulation before intercourse that can make all the difference when it comes to the big moment.

We Are Often Shy About Saying What We Need

Ok not all women are like this and I like to think it has become less of a problem but plenty of women regardless of how long they have been in a relationship have hesitations about saying what they want. This is understandable considering we are still dealing with a lot of women that grew up in households where sex was not a “proper” subject or they are simply afraid of the reaction from their partner.

Taking control of your sex life involves being able to communicate desires and needs. This is not an easy thing for a lot of people but the benefits are well worth it. There is a good chance you were worrying about something you shouldn't have and that your partner will appreciate knowing and doing what makes you happy and satisfied. Don't expect everyone you sleep with to be a mind reader.

Letting Go

To have an orgasm you have to surrender yourself to the moment and act and this is a mighty hard thing for a lot of ladies to do, especially with all the demands of the day to day plus having an orgasm with someone is just so darn intimate! It can be hard for many to let go enough to relax and not think about obligations but instead concentrate on physical pleasure and intimacy. Doing something that relaxes you and gets you in a good frame of mind before sex can be a big help. Destressing can get easier over time as you discover what really gets you in the mood.

Body Image & Functions: Let's Just Get Over It People

There have been plenty of women that have been embarrassed about the functions of their bodies, especially when it comes to sexual climax. One of the reasons why some women never get to a G-Spot climax is that they confuse the feeling with that of urinating. The embarrassment of this is enough that they literally hold back their orgasm.

Female ejaculation was once a more taboo subject but now that it has been discussed more openly than before, a lot of women have stopped being so embarrassed when it happens. Think about it from the perspective that a lot of people are just going to be happy they were able to make you cum that hard. There is and excellent chance that your partner thinks a lot more positively about your body than you ever imagined! Being comfortable with your self is a bigger turn on than you realize!


The importance of lubrication cannot be stressed enough. Even if you are really turned on there is often still need for lubrication, especially if you are having an extended session of sex, using condoms, toys, etc. Hormonal birth control and where a woman is in her cycle can also play a role in the body’s ability to grease the works. Dry sex is painful sex and that is a sure way to makes sure a woman doesn’t want to do it or at the very least gets little pleasure. Just remember that water based doesn’t last forever so you got to reapply often if you are making a long evening of it.

Sometimes It Takes Getting Comfortable With Your Partner Over Time

Look I know that relationships can be complicated and not everyone settles down with a single person and all that jazz but in my own experience I was not able to have an orgasm through intercourse until I met my husband and we had sex a few times. This was more than 12 years ago when I was 21 years old. I don’t think I am alone in saying that getting to know what you like and what works takes time and it can vary based on the people involved. This is sometimes one of the reasons why so many people actually don’t get the pleasure they expect out of a lot out of one night stands or a few hook ups.

The other person might be exceptionally good and caring in the sack and it still takes a few times to get in the groove so to speak. This goes back to that whole letting go concept and also being comfortable enough to not be so self conscious that your pleasure is affected. So if you are wondering why things are not working out the way you would like and you have only slept together a few times, don’t beat yourself up too much over it.

The more I had sex with the man that would be my husband during that first month of our relationship, the better I got at having orgasms because I knew my body better and so did he. We had sex more in the first month of dating than I had my whole life previously. This was actually what changed my mind about sex in general. I really had no idea really what got me going until my relationship with him. Before that I just didn't have the experience to know my body well, communicate what I needed, nor had I ever had a partner that cared what I got out of it. I am saying this because I think it is important to stress the importance of practice when it comes to getting to know your body and what makes it feel good and being with someone that is not just in it for their own physical pleasure.

Clit Stimulation Versus Penetration: Enter The Vibrator

When it comes to orgasms, most women need some clit stimulation to actually send them over the edge. If penetration is just not getting you past a certain point then you might try using a vibrator. There are a lot of different ones out there. A cock ring that vibrates on a male partner might be all you need. Luckily they make them that recharge via USB so no more battling with tiny batteries that don’t last. Be warned if your partner is well endowed though because cock rings can run small. If they are really stretchy this is less of a problem.

There are plenty of other vibrators out there that are suitable for couples or if you are flying solo most of the time you may want a slightly different model. It may take some time to figure out what vibrator style does the most for you so if the first one doesn’t work out then you should try something else. Better yet, just order two or three different ones and take them for a test run. 9/10 you can find some fun use for even those that are not what you expected.

Values & Fear

One thing that has a huge effect on women’s view of sex and pleasure is how they were taught to think about sex during the formative years. If a woman is taught that sex is something to be ashamed of, a sin before marriage, or other beliefs that make it seem negative, they can have a mindset that they are wrong to get pleasure from it and often have deep feelings of guilt. This is a truly terrible thing and I like to believe that it is becoming less common but I think it is safe to say that this is still the case often enough that it keeps some women from experiencing one of life’s pleasures. It can be hard to overcome ingrained thoughts and behaviors but if you can then there is a lot the world has to offer.

adviceeroticrelationshipssexual wellness

About the Creator

Alexa Lovely

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