Attraction isn't a Choice

I’m sure at some stage we’ve all asked the question of a potential suitor - “so what do you look for in a guy/girl?” The more I think about it, the more this seems like a pointless question. The answer is usually a generic response of niceties like someone who’s fun, caring, affectionate, loyal, honest, blah, blah, blah. We’d all agree that these are traits that we’d probably want in a partner, but trying to provide a logical answer based on a list of adjectives for something as seemingly illogical as attraction is rudimentary at best.

Like most things related to human relationships and the mating dance, I’m sure the subtle hand of evolution has hard wired us to respond to certain signals without us really stopping to ponder why. Why do girls like buff guys with big muscles? Why do guys like big-breasted women with curves and long legs? Why do we want people who we can’t have?…and why is power often considered the ultimate aphrodisiac?

Despite all our sophisticated posturing and logical thought processes deep down we all know there’s something raw and primal inside that we can’t control. And when that mate comes along and pushes those buttons the evolutionary cogs of attraction start turning all on their own and before you know it you’re already thinking about fucking them over the dinner table before you’ve even finished your starters.

Now if you could write down the ingredients of this recipe and bottle it, you could sell it for millions all day long because this is actually what we’re looking for. Of course there are other things to consider, like the adjectives mentioned above, but they are more like the basic ingredients to a cake – flour, sugar, butter, eggs, etc. But it’s the fire that creates the magic. So a list of adjectives will never be able to describe what’s really going on here.

What I do know is that attraction is not a choice; it’s an emotional response to certain character/physical traits and behaviours that we deem as desirable both consciously and subconsciously. How we choose to act upon these emotions is the choice. During the initial stages of attraction the brain is still in the race. In most cases it can apply the breaks if need be, but there comes a point when emotions will completely dominate our decision making process or lack thereof. We don’t need to understand it from a scientific point of view like the men in white coats with thick mustaches but I think it’s useful to be able to objectify these emotions when the madness kicks in.

I find being conscious of this mating dance allows me to enjoy it more freely without the apprehensions of embracing that warm feeling in my gut. To be frank, I’d say this may be more applicable to women than men as they typically stand to lose a lot more in this equation; they are ultimately the one’s left holding the baby if things go south. So from a female perspective,I suspect they have a lot more to consider than just the fear of rejection and bruised emotions when they decide to spread their legs.

I’ve come to the conclusion that you either have what they are looking for or you don’t, so asking the question or even trying to answer it is counterintuitive. With that being said, the subtle clues are there if you learn how to read them. As I have a keen interest in the beauty of this mating dance, I pay close attention. Life is a lesson. Attraction is a beautiful bitch.

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