Accepting and Forgiving Dishonesty is the Highest Form of Trust in a Relationship

I don't often write about relationships or give relationship advice. This is mostly because I do not like to read such articles. All too often I find them boring, cliché ridden regurgitations of relationship truisms, revealed as if for the first time ever as holy wisdom obtained from the hand of God himself. They are typically penned in a sanctimonious tone by an author who knows for certain that their relationship and life are far superior to your own. Therefore, I approached this particular story with more than a little trepidation. On top of my disdain for the genre comes the controversial assertion made in the title, about which I can hear reader's howls of disapproval in my head even as I type these words. "You are telling me if I catch my partner lying to me I should just accept it? So, you are saying is is OK for my partner to lie to me?" are but two of the questions that would certainly be hurled my way if hurling questions over the internet were possible, and if anyone actually read anything I write. Fortunately or unfortunately neither of those things is the case, but I will still answer the questions, and yes, that is exactly what I am telling you, and for once I am telling you the answer in non run on sentence format. Of course there are some important preconditions, and possibly one or two run on sentences which describe them. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good run on. Nothing says, I have a lot to say, and I want it to be very precise, with minimum chance for misinterpretation like a good, long, run on sentence.

First, I would think that it goes without saying that this only applies in long term relationships. But I will go ahead and say it anyway, and I would not suggest to anyone that this applies with someone they just met or barely know. Those in long term relationships should have already established my second important point which is that your partner must be an honest person. If they have not been that is probably a sign that your long term relationship is not as healthy as is should be, and it might be time for a change. In any event, this advice only to persons you know very well with whom you have had a long term relationship, and who you know (believe) to be a genuine, honest to goodness, honest person. The kind of person who would never, ever, start a sentence with the words "In any event" or maybe they would. Who can say in this topsy turvey world in which we live, where up is down and left is right, and machines can learn and dogs don't bite. Not me. Not I, not you, not them, is it a chicken or is it a hen. Damn you ghost of Dr. Seuss get out of my head. lol!

So the next time you catch your long term significant other in a white lie or even a much bigger untruth, do yourself a favor and let it slide without much of a fuss. I am not saying to forget about it, or pretend it did not happen, but simply make a note of it and move on. You owe it to your partner to trust that they had their reasons, and that these reasons were justified. It is only if you see a pattern of these sorts of lies should alarm bells begin to ring and action be contemplated. Trusting your partner requires trusting their judgement, even when they are dishonest. You either believe they are acting for reasons which are justifiable, aka you trust them, or you do not, aka you do not trust them. And you can't get out of this by saying, but what is justifiable to them may not be justifiable to me. In truth it may not, but again, this comes down to trust, you have to trust that it is, and if it is not, eventually this will be revealed in other ways. Ways that do not involve you questioning the judgement of your significant other whom you purportedly love and trust more than any other. It is a very hard thing to do actually, to trust someone so much that you accept their dishonesty. But, love is hard, and so are relationships. Trust me. lol!