21st Century Spanking Manual

Spanking, as a form of consensual foreplay, has been around since Moses had breakfast but times have changed. It's the new prudence these days and you have to smarten up if you want to have fun.

So, here is a MANUAL for spanking in twenty first century. The editors have subjected spanking to a full risk assessment for YOUR complete moral protection. You are welcome.

We have identified the issues:

ETHICAL HEALTH SAFETY AND SECURITY

ETHICAL

Qn. 1 Have you ever been naughty? Yes or No answer only, please.

If Yes proceed to HEALTH.

If No proceed to HEALTH. If this was a court of law they would be purjuring themselves.

HEALTH

Qn. 2 Have you had any fatal conditions recently?

If Yes do not proceed.

If No proceed to SAFETY.

SAFETY

Ask your subject if they lie down over your knee in the correct spanking position. Say the word "Please". Advise them that is for inspection purposes only at this stage.

Note: The manual has been constructed of the basis that the subject is wearing non-gender specific trousers and underpants. It is composed for the poly-sexual audience but presumes they are dressed. The word trousers is used advisedly and may refer to slacks, jeans, jodpurs or whatever.

Qn. 2 Is the person more than two metres off the ground requiring scaffolding, safety rail and/or harness?

If yes measure again.

If no proceed to SECURITY.

SECURITY

Inform the subject:

"I am examining your posterior region for evidence of dangerous devices. We have heard references to explosions down here that would at least take off your finger. In the first instance I am looking for any unusual lumps or proturberances. Hmm...no, it all looks pretty normal. Well, fairly normal.

"But to meet requirements I will make a tactile examination."

Feel the back of the right leg first. Proceed upwards over the gluteal region.

"Yes, that all seems within guidelines, now the other side."

Feel the back of the left leg and proceed upwards over the gluteal region.

"Yes. That is acceptable. Now the manual says to take particular care with this crevice region down the middle. I will give it close attention."

Feel along the crevice region between the gluteals. Just how far you feel depends on how good a friend this is.

Do this carefully. But at some point, especially if there is sign that your subject is squirming, announce: "Yes, that seems perfectly acceptable," and give them one sharp whack! Not hard. Just sharp.

Stealth and suprise is all important.

The sensual effect of the examination and the one surprise hit should be enough to proceed to FOREPLAY such as pulling off your pants if coitus is the desired effect. We do highly recommend the activity following 21st Century Spanking should be kissing sa bocca.

If you wish to proceed with further whacking, or if the subject asks for persistent whacking, then it should be acknowledged that you or the subject is a crazy fucked-up person. First of all abandon the fucked up. Who cares about the past? Crazy is OK so long as no one or no thing is getting hurt though you may well consider COOL instead. Like me. Nothing crazy about me, babe. Coool.

Consolatory Note

If you have read this manual then as a spankee you cannot be suprised by that final whack. However you will have the tingle of anticipation in the sure and certain knowledge that your spanker may well get you when you least expect it.

Part Two

For advanced players.

After delivering the mild whack in part one you may wish to consider further security asessment.

Thank your subject for their co-operation. So you can be conscientious with your duty of care ask them to reach underneath themselves and undo, belt, buttons an/or zips at the top of their trousers.

Advise them you will need to take off their trousers for closer examination.

"I am not going to take off your underpants. I am not a pervert you know."

It will take a lot of manouvouring to pull the top of those trousers down to the knee region without, of course, any displacement of underwear.

Once again, thank the subject for their co operation.

Now, the first thing you do is pull open the underpants and have a good peek. Go on, you deserve it. That stuff about not being a pervert. Rubbish. We all are. Sort of. But, take a look at the vastness of the calepypgia that is presented to you.

The editorial committee of this manual has considered sponsoring prizes for artworks in the form of odes, impressionist paintings etc. extolling this particular view of the buttocks from above when the subject is on the knees in the spanking position. This particular view could be compared to early morning sunrises, or ducks flying low over a lake. Lovely.

You may wish to utter words of praise for what you are seeing. Part of the human condition is that we want our bottoms kindly spoken of.

Now get back to business. Clear your throat. Shake your head.

"Now, I am looking at the area where that blow to your buttocks occurred for any indications of marks or damage to the skin. Yes, yes, I can see a little redness. (Lie if there is not any. ) If you are agreeable I am going to make some tender caresseses to the effected region to ease any associated suffering."

Editor's Note

Tactile areas of higher intensity such as the regions to the right and left of the lower butt crack are erogenous zones. They are directly connected to the love motor in the brain referred to by science as the cingulate gryrus in the limbic area. Kiss, cuddle, groom, copulate, being cared for, caring for, are nodes on this brain structure. The diesel cylinders of that love motor. By caressing your subject's buttocks in a gentle manner this should cause pleasure nodes to fire and love associations to occur in your subject.

If you undertake this activity for sensory pleasure only then, literally, you are the poorer for it. But ah! well.

"Now that I have your underpants open I can't help noticing that the crevice area I referred to before is far more extensive than I first thought. I feel it is my duty of care to make further examination for security purposes."

You will then proceed to feel the crevice area. Do this slowly, carefully.

Clearly the first thing you will encounter, apart perhaps for some lint or lost bus tickets, will be the anular feature. The alimentary exit point.

Editor's Note

The editors have studied the possibility that your subject has an explosive device located in the rectum. As a Risk Assessment we have conducted a thought experiment on the matter and have come to the conclusion that any such device would cause far more harm to the subject than to the spanker. Ain't gonna happen. Therefore your duty of care does not require you to stick your finger in the bum hole. No correspondence will be entered on the subject.

Upon passing the above mentioned structure you arrive at the perineum. The editors regret that a more gender nuetral term is not available but perineum represents NO MANS LAND with respect to this manual.

We cannot precede beyond the perineum. The editors only have amateur knowledge of the structures that occur in those distant, and rather controversial zones.

Once again, having your subject in the state of squirming, you desist for a moment, and, then, deliver two hard whacks. Two. Yes you crazy fucked up thing. Two quick smacks on their bare arse. You may indulge in evil laughter as you do this but we regard this as a dubious variation.

Proceed to FOREPLAY as above.

Editor's Final Note

There are no editors. This article is quite fake. It has nothing to do with the real world and is not at all a manual of instructions. Do not spank. Bad for you. Bad for subject. If someone gets hurt or offended we accept no liability. You should not have done it.

sa

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NO

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