WIT

I'm currently parked along the road, literally waiting for the earth to swallow me whole. A few minutes ago, at Total Petrol Station, my navy blue work dress did that thing.

There I am at Total, catwalking to the boot to pick up that water that is put somewhere in front near the engine to wash the front window of the car. I open the boot. I bend a little to look for the fuel tank. I'm in white heels and my legs are all shiny so you know I'm looking good from the back. I find the fuel tank BUT because I'm near a market selling potatoes, I continue bending for a few more seconds because behind me is a good-looking man in a white V8. I tell myself "Let man witness my childbearing hips in 3D"

Then suddenly, a demonic wind just blows past me without warning. Before I can gather sense, my blue dress is resting safely on top of my head. The good news is that I had smeared enough lotion, even in areas where the sun does not shine. Even more good news, I am dressed in my good underwear. Not the parachutes I wear five days a month, no...not those. I'm wearing the ones that say ' I'm a good Christian girl who will make you call your mother in soprano'. The ones that 'Mama Ndungu' picked for me. There is no need to ask about petticoats because I was one of those who collapsed that business.

So now, I can hear hooting behind me. Why are the people hooting? They are hooting because I have realized the blue dress is on top of my head. I am fighting to pull it back down. The wind is like naaaaah, the dress is staying up. There is a matatu driver on the other lane shouting in Kiswahili " madamu unatuzuia" ( madam, you are blocking the way). The white V8 is still there, behind me, and my dress is everywhere except resting below my knees.

After what seems like an eternity, I have left the petrol station, leaving behind a whole bunch of people dying of laughter. Just when I was about to capture for myself, a V8 riding man...village witches struck again. Ah, no weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Also, dear V8 dude, I'm not crazy, I swear(licks one finger and points it to the sky).😩 Which of my village people is after me now?