Turn the Page

“I wish you would let me come with you,” Todd whispered to Julie as he watched the train approach the station.

It would be their first time apart since they met at the start of the fall semester. During the holiday season in December, when they decided to forgo their planned trips home to see their parents and take a romantic vacation together at a skiing lodge, they had no idea she was pregnant. They both understood, though, that this break would have to be different. As much as they wanted to run away together, it was time for Julie to go home and for the truth to come out.

“You know I have to do this alone,” Julie replied. “I don’t want your first time meeting my parents to be when they’re angry.”

Todd knew she was right but was concerned about her having to break the news of her pregnancy alone and was very aware that Julie was also worried about her parents’ possible reaction. After all, they sent her to college to get an education, not to have a baby, especially not with someone she just recently met. It was a comment she had said to him several times over the past few weeks.

As the train approached the platform, Julie gave Todd a long, loving kiss and comforting words that two weeks wasn’t really that long. Todd waved goodbye as she stepped on the train, still blowing her kisses as the door closed behind her and the train left the platform.

--

“Turn the page!”

The voice in my head is as loud as the rattling of the tracks as I am jolted awake. I’m overcome by a sudden surge of motion sickness as I feel my bed whip around a corner. Wait a minute, why is my bed moving? Struggling to open my eyes to get my bearings, I am stunned to discover that I am on a train.

I fight to get to my feet but fall back due to my ongoing dizziness. My second attempt is more successful as I grip the seat back in front of me to steady myself. I then realize that, strangely, I am wearing my pyjamas. Why am I on a train in my pyjamas? I search under the seat and in the overhead for a bag, ticket, or anything to give me a clue. There is nothing there. I am on a train in my pyjamas with no luggage, no ticket, no itinerary, and nobody anywhere to tell me what the hell is going on.

I decide to move to the next car to seek an answer or to see at least if there is anyone else here. The train is moving way too fast, and I am being thrown about the carriage as I make my way to the doors separating the cars.

“Turn the page!”

There’s that voice again, and I have no idea where it's coming from. I wonder if maybe it’s from the lead car on the speaker. What are they trying to tell me? I'm getting scared but feel like I have to get to the front of the train to find the answers I’m looking for.

As I approach the door separating the cars, I hit the button and hear a hissing sound as the door begins to slide open. Suddenly a hand slams against the window from the other side. The shock knocks me backward. I land with a loud thud.

--

I grab my book off the floor, realizing I must have dozed off. After placing the book back on the bed, I get up to go to the washroom to splash some cool water on my face and try to remember what happened. I know it must have been a nightmare, but I can't recall what startled me.

I get myself a drink from the kitchen, climb back into my bed and pick up my book again.

“I wish you would let me come with you,” Todd whispered to Julie as he watched the train approach the station.

It would be their first time apart since they met at the start of the fall semester. During the holiday season in December, when they decided to forgo their planned trips home to see their parents and take a romantic vacation together at a skiing lodge, they had no idea she was pregnant. They both understood, though, that this break would have to be different. As much as they wanted to run away together, it was time for Julie to go home and for the truth to come out."

I soon get the feeling I have already read this page, and as I quickly skim to the bottom, I realize there was also a train in my dream, but I can't put all the pieces together. I flip the page of my book.

--

"What the hell was that" I scream aloud while attempting to regain my footing. I consider running in the opposite direction, but there's nowhere to go. I am in the last car. I sit in the closest seat, attempting to catch my breath and regulate my heartbeat, keeping my eyes firmly on the door ahead. I hear the voice again.

“Turn the page!”

I have no idea where it’s coming from, but it’s freaking me out every time I hear it. I build up the courage to walk to the door again and tentatively peek through the window, waiting for that hand to appear on the other side. After a few moments nothing happens, so I hesitantly push the button to open the door. It moves slowly like it's jammed on something. Through the gap, I can see a man lying on the floor on the other side. I’m not sure if he’s asleep or dead. I reach down to attempt to revive him, terrified at the same time of being grabbed by I have no idea what.

He doesn't move as I nudge him, so I struggle to shove him out of the way so I can get into the car. After several attempts, I am finally successful. Successful, but wishing I had failed. The horror, on the other side, is something I'd prefer not to have seen.

There are at least ten people in this car. They all look dead. They are slumped in various positions on the seats and on the floor, and some have a white foam substance oozing from their mouths. Some have pained looks on their faces as if they died in agony, and others look shocked as if they have seen the devil himself.

I have no idea what happened here, but I am absolutely terrified. My legs are shaking. I can barely stand. My entire body is quivering. Only when I feel my teeth chattering, do I realize how bitterly cold it is here.

“Turn the page!”

That voice. It sounds more urgent than before, and I realize for the first time that it's a woman's voice. She's almost screaming at me.

“TURN THE PAGE!”

There’s a smell in the air. Whatever that odour is, it's burning my lungs. It's a smell I don't recognize, and I’m finding it difficult to breathe. I feel my legs buckle underneath me and am sure I’m about to pass out. I know I have to get out of this car before I lose consciousness.

I can barely stay awake. I crawl on my hands and knees, climbing over bodies along the way. I know I have to get out of here now. As I near the door, my weakness intensifies. I attempt to climb over yet another body but fall on top of him. My weight landing causes a loud expulsion of air from his lungs.

“Oh my God! This one’s alive.”

-

The sound of my own voice jolts me upright. The ruffle of pages, as I inadvertently fling the book across the mattress, awakens me fully; once again, I am in my bed. I know that must have been one hell of a dream, as my heart is pounding so furiously I can feel it in my ears.

I grab a drink of water from the night table. My hands are shaking as I bring the glass to my lips. I struggle to remember what it is that’s got me so terrorized, but can only recollect a few brief flashes of the dream I had. I tell myself it’s probably best to turn out the light and try to sleep, but it doesn't take long to realize I am still wide awake. Once again, I pick up my book and flip through the pages, trying to find where I left off....319, 320,321.

--

“Turn the page!”

My voice? Is that my voice I’m hearing? Why am I telling myself to turn the page when I am stuck on a speeding train, surrounded by dead and dying people, and well on the way to that stage myself? What page, and what does it have to do with anything? I am completely confused about the voice, about everything actually. All I know for sure is that I have to get to the lead car, and I’m not even clear as to why.

Whatever chemical is in the air feels like it's shredding the cells of my lungs. My breathing is getting shorter and more rapid. I’m having difficulty standing as the dizziness is overwhelming. The only thing I can think of is that I need air.

I grab a bag from amongst the luggage scattered over the floor and throw it at the window. Nothing happens. I try again. Still, nothing happens. I know I need to find something stronger, so I search for a hard object I can use. There’s a hockey stick under the seats. I grab the stick and slam it against the window. It’s not working.

I feel myself getting weaker by the moment and barely have the strength to swing the stick again when I hear a voice behind me. It's a woman. She's alive, and she's visibly pregnant. Oh God. The urgency I feel to get air into this hellbox has intensified as I listen to this woman's barely audible voice begging me to save her baby.

"Try the skates," she says. "If there's a stick, there might be skates."

I never thought of that. This woman, in her deteriorating condition, may be thinking more clearly than I am. I search the bags under the seats near where I found the stick and discover she was right. I find skates.

I put my hands inside the boots and slam the blades into the window with all the strength I can muster. I hear a loud crack and continue pounding the blades against the glass until the window shatters into a million tiny pieces.

The sudden incoming wind blows me off my feet as I continue to gasp for air. The train seems to be moving even faster now. The wind is howling from the broken window like a hurricane.

Several people in the car begin coughing and gasping as the life-saving air enters their lungs. I soon feel my breathing improving and my heart rate returning to normal. I pull myself back to my feet and grab the skates again, smashing the next window, then the next.

I know there are more people here who need help, but also know I have to get to the front car. There has to be a reason this train is moving so quickly with no indication of slowing down. I rush through the doors to the next car. It's empty. I don’t have time to keep smashing windows. I know I have to get to the front. It's all I can think of.

As I rush through the train, I discover that most of the cars are empty. Unfortunately, there are a few that contain people in the same tragic condition as those I passed along the way. I want to stop and try breaking more windows, but I don’t have time. I need to get to the front before this tin can of chemical soup goes completely off the rails and slams into the city.

I can see the cityscape ahead as I look out the window. I have no idea how much time we have, but I am sure this vehicle needs to slow down soon to avoid a disaster. I need to get to the front, but my legs are getting weaker, and my still burning lungs are slowing me down. I'm not sure I can make it in time, and even if I do, I have no idea what I will find when I get there.

“TURN THE DAMN PAGE!”

--

The voice is so loud it shocks me out of my sleep again. My husband runs into the bedroom with a worried look on his face, demanding to know what's wrong. Did I say that out loud? I tell him I have no idea; it must have been a dream. I assure him that I am okay. He notices the open book on the floor beside the bed and reaches for it. I tell him not to bother; I will get it. I tell him again that I am fine, and that he can go back to watching the game.

I am completely exhausted and in dire need of sleep. I consider picking up the book first to mark the page where I left off, but I'm too tired. I know when I was flipping through pages earlier, I stopped at 321. Confident that I'll remember that and too exhausted to even reach the floor, I leave the book where it is and turn off the light.

-

"Mom, I'm home."

I awaken to a faint knock on the bedroom door and the voice of my daughter Maria.

"Mom, are you awake? I'm here. We came for a visit."

I jump out of bed, rush to the door, and wrap my arms around my only child, who has obviously decided to surprise us with an unplanned visit. Since she moved out of the province for a new job, we only get to see her for vacations and holidays. It had been months since her last visit.

Although I am thrilled to see Maria, I can’t help but feel curious as to why she’s here first thing in the morning with no prior notice. I feel concerned when she tells me not to worry and that everything is fine now.

“What do you mean, now?” I ask as my heart rate begins to increase.

"It's ok, Mom. Don't worry, I’m fine. Didn’t you see the news?”

I have no idea what she's talking about, and let her know that. She tells me that she and her husband Rob travelled from Montreal on a train overnight. There was a failure in the ventilation system causing diesel fumes to seep into the carriages.

Three people died, and twelve more are in hospital. Even the train's engineer was affected and fell unconscious in the locomotive. For a while, the train was basically driving itself, speeding out of control. They were fortunate, she said. Ten more minutes, and they would have crashed into Union Station.

This information is not relieving my anxiety at all, but Maria promises me that both she and Rob have been thoroughly checked out and are fine. I insist she follow up with her own doctor when she gets back to Montreal, and she assures me she will.

I ask my daughter how they stopped the train and get an eerie feeling when she tells me about a woman who broke out the windows and revived the driver.

“And you know what was weird, Mom?” she continues. “I don’t know if the gas was affecting me or what, but she kind of reminded me of you.”

I give my daughter a curious look, then a smile as I pull her in for a big hug.

I'm not much of a religious woman, but at that moment, I feel a need to bless myself and thank God, and whoever that woman is, for keeping my daughter and son-in-law safe. Maria suggests I get dressed and join her Dad and Rob downstairs, where I can see the rest of the report on the news.

As she stands up to leave, I notice the bump in her belly. She sees me staring and smiles.

"Yes, Mom, I'm pregnant. We wanted to tell you and Dad in person."

While brimming with happiness for Maria and her husband, who I know have been trying to have a baby for a long time, the reality of the scare they had on the train hits even harder. I feel tears welling in my eyes as I again hug my daughter closely, never wanting to let go.

She leaves the room to head downstairs. I tell her I will follow shortly, and I will, as soon as I can pull myself together and shake this eerie feeling I can't explain. As I walk toward the bathroom to brush my teeth, I notice the book I was reading. It’s still lying on the floor beside the bed, open near the last pages. I reach to pick it up, and the word “pregnancy” stands out like a sore thumb.

I get a sudden feeling of déjà vu as I read the words on the page.

As the train finally pulled into the station, Julie said a prayer of thanks, relieved that she was one of the lucky ones that made it home alive.

When Julie noticed her anxious parents waiting at the gate, she felt a brief tinge of worry about them noticing her pregnancy, but soon realized that would be the last thing they would be concerned with at that point. Their gratitude that their daughter survived a terrorist attack would far outweigh any anger they may have possibly felt in a different circumstance.

As I join my family in the living room, I hear the sound of the news report coming from the television.

“It was a terrifying ordeal for passengers of Via Rail route 321”

“Turn the page.”

The voice sounds in my head. I am completely unaware that I said those words out loud until I see my family staring at me and hear my daughter's voice.

“Mom, what are you talking about?”

"What do you mean, Maria?" I reply.

"Mom, you said, 'turn the page.' What are you talking about? Why did you say that?"

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. I just feel like there’s somewhere I need to be or something I need to do.”