True Love

I wake up on the couch and see a text from Jerry. He had to go into town for something and would be back in a couple of hours. I wish I didn’t miss him. All I wanted, these past few days, was him close to me. I can’t shake this drowsiness for some reason. I stumble into the kitchen to get a drink of coffee and I pray to the Gods that it does the trick. I stand by the window and look at the barn in the back. How the hell did I get in there and what the hell is going on? Everything feels so real to me but I must be dreaming.

I grab my coffee cup and walk out back. I stop under the pear tree that is between the house and the barn. They are looking really good. I reach up and pick one and take a huge bite from it. So juicy and sweet. I grab another one, as the first one is being held by my teeth, and sit down on the ground with my back to the tree. The sky is so beautiful here. The way the clouds always seem to be floating by and the deep blue in the back of it. I could just sit here for hours, dreaming about our life together. This soon turns to sadness as I remember bits of whatever the hell that was in the barn.

I get up quickly and walk to it and peer inside, slowly. I look around and try to see if anything looks familiar to me. There is no hay on the floor and nothing in the corners. It looks like no one has ever been in here. How, how did I crash my face on the floor and feel hay on my face? Maybe he picked me up outside of it. I remember the eyes in the corner and whip my head around the whole barn to try to see if it was still there but I get dizzy as I try to focus too much. Ugh, this headache needs to go away. I finish the first pear and stumble back to the tree to sit down.

As I finally relax under the tree, I start to feel really dreamy. I can’t be tired still. I can’t be. Why did I even wake up today if this is what I will be doing? I should just stay in bed until this passes. That seems to be the only safe place tha….Whoa, girl. You can’t spiral like this, even if those things are true, you have to remain…...shut up and go away. I just sit there dazed as the clouds seem to be coming in again. I look up at the clouds and back down and suddenly it is dark again.

I hear rustling as the wind comes through the barn and moves the branches on the tree. I slump a little more, thinking about Jerry and Sandra. How could I not see this? I wonder if she followed him here, NO!! STOP THAT!! I can’t help it, she is gorgeous and why would he want me anymore. I curl up and must have tipped over on the ground. My head feels heavy again and dreamy. I hear footsteps somewhere but I can’t move my head to see.

“Who’s there?” I manage to mutter this with no care at all in my voice. “I don’t want to be bothered anymore. I just wan…” I drift off as my eyes are heavy and I close them, for what I think is a moment, and find out that when I open them again, those eyes are over me again.

Where is your protector now? I wonder, I wonder what he is doing now? Or, better yet, WHO he is doing since you are here. He laughs hard at this and it makes my skin crawl and I whimper as he leans in closer. Poor, poor little piggy. All alone and scared. Come with me and I will make sure you are protected and safe forever. You know this to be true. What does he care about you for? He has Sandra now. She does things you are too scared to do. Men are always the same. They only want one thing and you can’t give it. Poor, poor scared piggy.

I try to move but can’t. I am frozen in place and all I can see are those eyes. Piercing into me and bring on thoughts of despair and sadness. Why fight it anymore? I thought I had something worthwhile and it is right.

I pass out again and wake up under the tree still. I sit up and just slam against the trunk and wipe my eyes to get them to focus. Why can’t they focus anymore? Why is everything so distorted? I try to stand up but fall over and roll a little as I thump down on the ground. I decide to crawl over to the house but only make it halfway there when I catch something, I think, in the distance. Everything is so hazy but it looks small, in the distance. I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of dread. I start shaking and everything starts spinning again. I look up and the thing is moving slowly closer and closer to me. I hear a deep, guttural noise coming from it and the panic ensues. I scream and try to move toward the house faster and faster but I can only go a little at a time until I fall down again.

I fall backward and the wind gets knocked out of me. As I am gasping for air, I turn to see that thing sprinting towards me, and then it leaps into the air, headed straigh….”BABY!! WHAT HAPPENED?!” Jerry had returned and he must have heard me screaming. Why? Why does he always have to come in at the wrong time? Fuck me.

I sob, “I don’t know. I swear I saw something coming at me from the trees. I don’t know what’s going on.”

He grabs my hands and smiles at me. “It’s ok baby. We can get through this, I promise.” He leans over and kisses me on the forehead. “Let’s get inside and settle down for the night.”

“Ok, baby. I would love that.” I say as I grab another pear from the tree to snack on.

The next day, Jerry did not leave. We spent the whole day together and just laugh and fucked the day away. I swear, if this could be like this all the time, I would never have to worry again. We are even having dinner in the barn tonight, I can’t wait for that. I can’t wait for all of this to go away and we can be happy. I know we can, deep down. In that place th….

You keep off your lips, right? That dark place that no one on Earth knows about, right? Do you really think he won’t find out and run? I hear a deep, darkly, guttural laugh that seemed to go on forever. Your misguided optimism is very funny to me. You know how this should go. You know what you must do. Just do it already. Make a bath and join me. You don’t really think he wants to lick that gash, do you? That’s my girl, give in and end it.

I freeze on the bed and try to have the willpower and strength to move and get going with the night. I just need Jerry and this thing will go away. He’s downstairs getting an after-sex snack. I need to flirt him into the bath with me. I go to stand up and fall back on the bed. What the fuck? I know I came hard but this has never happened. I just want this to end. Do NOT tell me that I am allergic to fresh air, because I will level a city. I fall onto the floor and just lay there for a little while.

When I come to, I make my way to the bathroom to run a bath. I have no idea what that thing is but it is not ruining this perfect day. I stand there and check my body for any “stray” hairs anywhere. Satisfied, I get into the bathwater and just let it take me. It reminds me of this time I went to the beach with a friend of mine in High School. We would just lay there and let that sun bathe us and tan us, almost, perfectly. Feeling this water, I had a sudden, dreamy thought and it was like I was not upstairs anymore but, somewhere else entirely.