The Runaway

You’ve done the unthinkable, you’ve pushed me away. All the pain and fear will no longer stay. The toxic memories that have been haunting day after day, have now broken me to where no one can slay. I put my trust and faith in you all, yet you still couldn’t help me, y’all made me fall. I thought I could listen, overcome my flaws, but all I kept hearing, is that it’s all my fault. Released panic with slight bitter rage, I come to you all, through the words on this page. Things overcame me, words with spears, be a man, grow a beard, have a girlfriend, so you’re not weird. Family words that came from a distance, it’s all too much for my anxiety, what if I went missing.

My safety is uncertain and without aid, I just hope I don’t lose everyone, who prefers to push me away. If you try to come to find me, on your own accord, I pray you don’t kill me more, with your backhanded words. Too much for my brain, the anxiety and depression, trying to convince me which, is the right way. Left for dead or didn’t exist at all, so much for living my life, when all I did, was care for you all. I give and I give without much take, I never even had a first date.

I hate it. I don’t like not being with you. All I can think of is your smile, your laugh. Your kindness to the things not everyone notices. But I notice. I see the good that you are. I want to be with you through the bad. Hold you and help you make things easier. You have such a way with words that we could make a book together if we wanted to. I think about how you approach things. How you live in the moment encourages me to do the same.

I hate how much I want you. Not just something casual but something more. You make it so hard to forget you but I don’t want to. I want to experience love, pleasure, and happiness with you. I want to have a fight with you just so we can make up and grow together. I want you to give us a shot. I want you to risk what we have built for happiness that’s unknown to us. I want you to be afraid of what might come of this. It shows how far we have come and how much you care. Wanting something more for a better future and breaking through the what-if. I want you so much that I hate it, but I love you.

All talk and pity are what people will think, that just goes to show who’s real, and who stinks. With these words that make it so hard, the life yet lived has become detrimental to you all. Working on myself to help me grow, seems like the only place to go. Making sure that I'm happy and healthy, I have to make a change to be strict on my happiness. You’d think with my age that I’d have no right, to post this up, within all’s sight. The truth of it all, I wasn’t raised quite fully, screws were loose and a brain tumor made me looney. Much like some that have it all crazy, with baggage heavier than mine, some became not so kind. I was switched from something so bad, so now I became a force of magic and fans. So I’ll leave this here for all to see because I have to leave everything behind, so we can be free.