The Depression Demon

I watched you as you got ready today. I saw the flame in your eyes. I stared at the peaks of hate that you have formed around them in the shape of bags, all for me. What happened to standing strong? What happened to being true to yourself? What happened to you?

“Ms. Dee?” followed by the unsavory bang at the door. “Ms. Dee? I know you are in there! We can hear your music 2 floors down; would you please take it down a notch! Other people are living here.” You never liked being told what to do. You continued unconsciously to the kitchen with the broom in your weary right hand. That must be the 10th plate that has been the victim of your delusion this week. You swept the plate up unknowing that I was still hanging around. What has happened to your shine? Where is the hope?The life in you? “Dammit” your mumbling curses always tickled me. You were never big on using swear words, you said that it was for the minds with limited vocabulary. You don’t say much these days so, swear words flow from your weakened lips like a shallow creek to an open river of contempt. Do you miss me yet? The knocking has yet to subside as you sweep the remaining shattered pieces of your favorite fiesta plate into the dustpan. “Shut the hell up” Your voice is so small now a days. You know Mrs. Timb wouldn’t hear you over the full sound of Big Sean and E-40 belting their disdain for that once special someone. You grabbed your phone after emptying the dustpan into the garbage bag sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor; with two swift taps, you paused the music and made your way through the living room that doubles as your bedroom and to the front door.

“Mrs. Timb, what a pleasure to see you at my front door… again.” You are so beautiful when you choose sarcasm.

“Well, if you would be more considerate of others, I would not have to keep coming to your door.” Mrs. Timb has always been a nosey bitch. She wears that same purple knitted cardigan with the pulled strings by the breasts and those damn granny glasses sitting on her nose.

“You should really consider staying on the 1st floor and the hell out of my business.” Right before you lose your cool, you always tend to send a very indiscrete message. “Good day, Mrs. Timb.” Came from your lips bluntly as you went to shut the door. What happened to your smile? What happened to your kindness?

Her arm extended from her shoulder as she demandingly placed her hand against the door; “You used to smile. You used to be so kind.” Mrs. Timb truly seems concerned right now.

You gathered your breath, casually stopped your movement, and with that flame in your eyes you told her; “I’m sure at one time you weren’t so obsessed with what others were doing. I’m sure at one time you had a life of your own. One where someone cared about whether you woke up in the morning or not. Or on the other hand maybe you’ve always been miserable, lonely and in the next persons business. Either way, you worry about you and staying on that first floor with your cats and shitty attitude. Let me worry about my smile.” That wasn’t very nice of you. “Good day.” You sound so harsh.

You were offended by how right she was. I could tell by the way your shoulders hung after you heard the door shut. You put your back against the door and slid to the floor. With your knees to your chest and your arms wrapped around them, you silently sobbed the way you always did when no one was watching.

I told you to get up, so you did. I told you to walk into the bathroom and look at who you are becoming, so you did. You turned on the light in the only room with a door & you peered at the woman looking back at you. You saw the mountains forming beneath the eyes that were once plains of grace and joy. You saw the product of hateful thoughts and crude words spoken. I whispered in your ear sweet nothings and watched as your eyes shut and the remaining vitality in your being floated away. You can’t go backwards now, too much has been done.

” A few years back I remember seeing this creature. I was visiting family in a small city set off in the mountains. It wasn’t quite dark outside, so I felt comfortable going for a walk to take in some of that famous mountain air. I made my way through the relatively new apartment complex and down the street to the main road. I passed by a shopping center on either side of the road and a few places to eat. It didn’t seem like many people were fond of walking around this part as I was the only one that was gracing the sidewalks with my steady stride. There were cars passing me but still my surroundings seemed so quiet.”

“I walked for about 30 minutes, then it dawned on me that I still had to make my way back. It was getting dark and I knew a good portion of the way back would be a bit unsettling as I was going to be strolling in an unfamiliar town, in the dark. Smart move I thought to myself, I hope the mountain air was worth it. “

“Halfway through my thought I was silenced by the sound of fast paced footsteps behind me. Shocker, right? You guessed it, they started to sound like they were getting closer. I, being the quick thinker I am, pretended to be cracking my neck and turned my head just enough to see from my peripheral vision a small guy running to catch his bus. I exhaled a bit, but still I wanted to get back to my family and off that street.”

You adjusted your position on the blue velvet sofa bed and continued as you stared off into space.

“I was coming up on the home stretch. I had passed the shopping centers and few places to eat, and I was making my way through the apartment complex. I got to the steps of the apartment building, and I let out a silent sigh of relief. Home free I thought to myself. I wasn’t quite ready to take part in conversation just yet, so I took a seat on the steps. That’s when I saw it.”

“It was around my height. It had glassy eyes and a mouth of razor-sharp fangs. The slight bit of hair on its head was wiry and dark. It wore an oversized black duster coat and no shoes. It was colorless, just a figure standing directly in front of me. I know I should’ve been scared, but I wasn’t. I was intrigued. It wasn’t intimidating, it was more so inviting. Its fingers stretched like putty to grasp my hand and I couldn’t help but to reach back.”

I remember that day, that was when I first laid my sights on you. You didn’t mention how the whole walk you thought of how tired you were of being alone. It must have slipped your mind how you thought about running away in that moment. You told me how you wanted to get in the car and drive, you never wanted to be seen again. You begged me to grab a hold of you. You didn't mention that part. Did you forget? I am here now, and you will never be alone again.

You paused your breath and for a moment I saw the old you. The you that walked down that road and the you before you grabbed my hand. It was as if you were looking right through me. You paused, and you said in the most helpless manner “Why won’t you just leave me alone.” .