The Dark Side of Chocolate

Why didn’t anyone tell me red velvet is basically chocolate cake dyed a deep crimson color and layered with smooth cream cheese icing? I’ve typically been one to choose vanilla over chocolate, and I’d proudly profess my aversion to the cocoa bean byproduct. I once took a chocolate making class as an elective in college and It only made me dislike chocolate even more, especially dark chocolate. I learned all about the process of how it’s made, from the harvesting of the cocoa bean in countries like Ivory Coast and Ghana to the table of master chocolatiers in Germany and Switzerland.

But it’s not just the slice of undercover chocolate cake that would make my stomach turn. It’s uncovering the dark side of chocolate, pun definitely not intended. When you eat chocolate you are inadvertently consuming the forests of West Africa. You are eroding the fertile soil of the caostal land. You are participating in the over working and under paying of the cocoa bean harvesters and I simply can’t stomach it.

Now, I understand that so many industries operate in a similar fashion. Its practically impossible to avoid the exploitation of consumerism. But for some reason, for me, it’s chocolate. How can something so sweet have such a bitter process of creation? Yes, there exists fair trade chocolate and products that you can buy, but where can I buy a fair trade Reece’s cup or chocolate milk? How can I be sure that me buying this chocolate bar will truly mean fair wages and rights for the workers behind the product? I’d much rather just stay away from it all, and blissfully and most likely ignorantly enjoy my vanilla and strawberry flavors.

I’ve spent so many years successfully avoiding chocolate in all its many forms including but not limited to sauces, infusions, shavings, drizzles, powders and mousses. It hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it, at least for the sake of my mental health and moral compass. But who would’ve thought that an absentminded comment from a stranger at a friend of a friend’s wedding, on a random Saturday evening, would send me guilt spiraling over chocolate of all things?

The woman seated across from me at our randomly assigned table had no clue what she was going to do to me when she shared her quirky little baking tip on how she uses a special combination of butter and oil for the perfect amount of moistness in her cake. As she went on, she began to brag about only using the top cocoa brands in her red velvet cakes. I froze in that moment. I didn't want to react, because apparently everyone knows that red velvet has cocoa in it. I simply wish someone could’ve warned me about the lies that hid within the walls of the bundt pan of that red velvet cake. Most of all, I wish that she didn’t say anything about cocoa being the main ingredient in red velvet cake at all.

Maybe it was my fault for not questioning why the cake was red in the first place. Maybe I’m upset because I’ve never have any desire to even try red velvet before today. I let my guard down and I hate that. If I never came to this wedding I wouldn’t have been in this situation at all, I would have just stuck with the carrot and coffee cakes that I was used to. That decadently sweet, whimsically iced red velvet cake was unfortunately one of the best things I’ve eaten in such a long while.

I hate how guilty I feel about how much I enjoyed that slice of cocoa cake. I’m even more sick over the fact that I went back for seconds, granted it was before I knew the ugly crimson stained truth. And I know, it's just chocolate. But for so long I was able to take all of my anger about capitalism, climate change, wealth hoarding, global warming, deforestation, (you name it I’m angry about it) and pin the blame on chocolate. It allowed me to function relatively normally and be able to enjoy all the other non-chocolate things in life. But now I am undone, unravelling, deconstructing all during the couple’s first dance.

But through all of the anger, and the guilt, and truthfully the sadness… deep down, secretly, and very quietly I’m wondering, what would happen if I went back for thirds?