Humor

The Book Club
“Spinoza! Whose bright idea was it to choose Spinoza? Spinoza was Jeeves’s choice of light reading, if you recall, but Jeeves had a brain the size of the Albert Hall. What earthly chance have I got of analysing a single word Spinoza says? Or even understanding a single word he says. I’m a poet not a bleedin’ philosopher.”
By Malcolm Twigg4 years ago in Fiction
Drakath’s Hoard of Lost and Abandoned Children
The cry of a human infant was very distinctive. Soaring high above the forest, Drakath heard it and swiftly banked into a dive, narrowing in on the sound. He ignored the curse and near-yank on his horns from his passenger at the sudden change in motion, landing on the lowest branch capable of holding his weight, craning his neck down as far as he could.
By Natasja Rose4 years ago in Fiction
Laughing at a Funeral
From complaining about his parties to accusing him of giving her dogs diarrhoea, Nick would forever be the bane of Mrs Handbag’s existence. The old cow had to be at least in her late eighties, perhaps it was time for her to move on to the next life.
By Chloe Gilholy4 years ago in Fiction
Uh, Huh, Huh?
Alvin Pratt was so convinced that Elvis was still alive he had made it his life’s work to track him down. That he did so perpetually wearing the full gear and a lop-sided sneer, rather detracted from any credibility he might have carried, but Alvin was never one for short measures – except when dispensing drinks in the pub he ran with his wife, Effie.
By Malcolm Twigg4 years ago in Fiction
Two Sides of the Coin
"Two sides of the same coin, you and me." The speaker sat scuffing his heels on a cloud top, sorting through a bag of sandwiches and trying his best not to listen to the attempts of his companion to master a relatively simple piece for harp and solo falsetto.
By Malcolm Twigg4 years ago in Fiction
Unethical
The infant, barely old enough to crawl under their own power, gurgled happily, reaching for the bright scales and shining cursed bracelet just above it, heedless of the fact that those items were attached to a dragon.
By Natasja Rose4 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 48
It was then at that time . I caught a glimpse of who was doing the water attacks while hiding in the forest . It was a fish guy wearing similar black bandit clothing as the bat . They must be a duo of a team , I wondered . They also must have the same idea the guys who jumped me before had . Sneaky cowards !Waiting to ambush adventurers when they are tired or wounded . The worst kind of beings to be alive in my eyes . Too bad we’re well rested and feeling better than ever . I was glad to finally see our water shooting foe . Even if it was slightly because of the water in my face . However the water stream attack he did sent me stumbling . These guys have very annoying and dangerous powers . We have to figure something out and fast .
By Terrence4 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 47
We traveled for half of a day taking small rests before actually planning on camping . It was getting dark soon . We came upon a nice den that may have been abandoned . The den looks like it was made by a Drox ( Gerbil looking canines with the size and mannerisms of foxes from our world ) . The nest was a decent size , it was probably made for a large Drox family . Since we had extra protection there wasn't a need for us to be taking shifts sleeping tonight . After receiving gifts from their king himself . We felt perfectly comfortable around the soldiers we were once fighting .
By Terrence4 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 46
John was the second one to find a weapon after looking around . He chose a black spiked club . King Fault explained that it had the power to pin down one enemy that he points it to for 30 seconds . John has to be physically stronger than the target for this ability to work on an opponent . So it's perfect for him . The weapons ability only has a one time use . The weapon itself is legendary black steel that is unbreakable by usual means . John thanked the king . " Thanks sir ! I've never gotten a gift so amazing in my life ! I'll remember this forever , especially after we were just fighting ! Sorry I'm getting a little emotional " John went on a little walk to calm down from his excitement .
By Terrence4 years ago in Fiction
The Method Mission
One day, three friends named Jericho, Hunter, and Lita were at their favorite hangout, the Palace of Sweet, and were discussing their science project, which was to give a synopsis of the scientific method. “What are we gonna do?” Hunter said. “We must present a diagram and outline of the scientific method by Thursday, and today is Tuesday, and we haven’t made any progress.” “Chill, dude,” said Lita. “We still have a day and a half to figure something out. Yeah, but when it comes to the scientific method, we all are wearing dunce caps. Oh! I just wish there was an easier way to learn more about it since the science books give little information,” said Jericho.
By Kylecovey Smith4 years ago in Fiction
(Dragon Breath)
DRAGON BREATH Dragons aren’t really the monsters they’re made out to be - they’re more like naive and very gangly, playful, puppies. However, there was this tendency to incinerate anything within fifty yards with their excitable and uncontrollable fiery breath. Now that was an unfortunate trait.
By Malcolm Twigg4 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 45
The king said, " let’s see if I remembered your names that Rose taught me earlier . That leaves John , Illdred , and Bulls Eye ?" We all said yes while nodding in agreement . He continued on to say , “ good well you 3 go ahead and pick your weapons then . Each magical weapon here is elemental or gives you an edge in battle . They all have different usage rates depending on the weapon and there are two different charge types . I'm sure Rose is as at least acquainted with the basics of enchantment magic . Light or dark magic is used to either add an element or and extra effect for the weapon . In even even rarer cases the weapon can transform different aspects of the holder . Weapons that are enchanted using light magic can be charged with sunlight . Weapons made with dark magic can only be charged during moonlight . Early waxing phase is enough light to charge dark enchanted weapons . Late waning phase is as well . Enchanted weapons can not be charged during their use . In fact they have to be sitting still for a few minutes before charging begins . So it's recommended not to hold them at all when you're ready for a charge Just ask me any specific question when a certain weapon catches your eye . Take your time looking around . When it comes to weapons I do believe in love at first sight .
By Terrence4 years ago in Fiction