My First-ever Stand-up Comedy script

Note: My English is very Bad Emotionally, Physically and Grammatically.

Hello,

Today is my first-ever Open Mic, If I bomb today please laugh because it’s

completely scripted.

So I asked one of my friends Should I tell our real story or a fictional story.?

He was like, “Bro, don’t be like Media, just be the truth.” am like “Ok let’s go,”

You know that in every friend's group, there is one guy who f*cking pays all your bills and brags about that later, I don’t like those people…

But unfortunately, That’s me…

Recently I and friends went to Goa. And that’s completely produced by me. These f*ckers, you know, didn’t have money. The entire trip, I cared for all of them with my stole — Hard-earned money…

See. We are of three us, let's introduce my friend Nani, He is moreover an Innocent Guy,

And my other friend name Sai Kiran, is like a Desperate guy because once I asked him? Do you know anything about black holes…

He was like “yeah bro last night with Julie on the bed” … I was like “oh ok fine, just leave it…”

And another guy is moreover chill and cool guy, yes you right that’s me… Maybe I was Neutral.

See, I am like a person who wants to be an Innocent guy… But common guys by the time this trip our age is 16, so you know the desperation.

The three of us went by Plane…

Yes, I paid for that….

And now we are in Goa, And by night our hotel manager recommended a pub…

We went to that pub it was happening unreal theme… means you have to wear a face mask that will cover almost your face… not a corona mask (Its pre-corona time)

And they gave us 6 passes for each person… means 1 drink per 1 pass

So went inside…

(Smile) yes, I even paid for this too…

So we went Nani and me was sitting in a corner and Sai Kiran was already taking a shot and Dancing with chicks…

After some time. I want to pee badly I was going to the bathroom Saikiran also came with me… and We both saw one horrible thing…. In the corner of the Bathroom, A 60 years old Guy was making out With a young lady…

I am like… “What the f*ck is happening here…”

Sai kiran like … “Yes… the f*ck is happening here bro…”

So In my mind, I want to go pee badly… Should I go inside... or should I go out… should In or should out… Outside it was F*cking dark, and it was 2 AM, and I am 16, and I am scared...

Yes, that’s right, I went inside… I completed my task... and I come out.

This Desperate f*ck in Sai Kiran was… Recording that shit…

While they’re making out…

I am like, “are bro, what’s wrong with you…”

I drag him outside the bathroom… and we are going to tell this story to Nani... And by the time we are going towards Nani… A lady went to Nani she kept her hand on his shoulder… and he was like just removing her hand and going outside seriously.

We were running behind him.

And I asked Nani what happened, and he is like

“According to the bible I am not allowed to go these places, I came Because of you, but now I can’t resist here I am going to the room you guys can enjoy…”

Saikiran was like bro, “what’s wrong with you? Ok, fine, give me the drinking pass then.”

Am like… “Yes you want to be the Innocent guy, Even if Girls intimate you, just be the same f*ckin Innocent guy... Why can’t you control it? that’s your problem…”

Nani was like... No sorry, I am going...

Am like… Ok to make this scene more dramatic, I was like dude I paid all this because of our friendship… I don’t care about money… I care about my friends. I paid all this because We three of us can enjoy… you know what, do the f*ck you want… Now am pissed off, and I am going to the room...

I have thrown my wallet on the road and am like F*ck you guys… And I was going seriously towards the hotel…

Nani: Common bro... I mean sorry.

I am like F*ck you... And am going seriously…

Sai Kiran was like: “Bro, I didn’t find your drinking pass in the wallet”

Me and Nani.: we both are pissed off and both throw our drinking Passes…

Even now I am getting BP because of this f*ck-in idiot Sai Kiran

He didn’t give a f*ck about our fight... He wants that fucking drinking pass.

And I went to my room, Nani also came… He was pleasing me… But I have slept on the bed that sits.

Saikiran was like, Enjoying at party…

And he was like When chicks came to hug him... They used to say 8000 per night, and he was like doing negotiations for 2000…

She was like f*ck you and went…

This desperate f*ckin idiot… Went to all chicks to take a free hug while negotiating.

If somebody says 9000 he’s like 2000…

But somehow he managed a girl who accepted his 2000 deal…

Out of excitement he already gave 2000rs to her.

And she gave him a piece of paper... On that paper number, 3 was written... he was like “what is this?”

She was like… “That’s your token…”

Sai Kiran was: What the f*ck I don’t want like this… I want to be the first… Just give my money back…

And she was like... “Sorry, there is no refund for cancellation.”

Because of this scam, he was broken, and he drank even more...

In the meantime, Nani went outside and buys an Apple pie for me to apologize... And we both become friends again,

Yes, Apple Pie is an emotion.

By the time this happening, it’s 4:30 AM

So Nani and I went to the pub… But this time Nani sat outside, and I went inside…

Saikiran was like fully drunk and dancing… and he saw me… he was like “common bro…”

So now am ready to dance… So many times I’ve seen this only in Hollywood… this is my time now… And I was about to dance…

The music stops.

The security guys came inside, “It’s 5 AM, Pub is closed. Everyone, Please Exit.”

I am like what the f*ck...

Saikiran was like went to that token girl

she was like… “Have you seen a line on that paper…”

And in that paper… There is a small line which is written at the bottom… (Subjective to Pub Timings...)*Am like… See, I don’t care about that. Give me the passes?

He was like “Completed bro…”

Ok fine, give me that 2000 bucks…

“Completed bro…”

Then, I gave him a look that I was imagining... (I killed him, I was crying at his funeral and I stabbed his body again with the knife...)

And both going outside... Nani also came to meet us...

Again That Old Guy passed in front of us. With another chick...

We three of us looking at each other…

And again this f*ck in idiot Sai Kiran Was like…

“All the best Old Boy…”

And that Old Guy was like saying “Thanks, son.” By revealing his facemask…

And we three of us yelled out loud… Because that’s Sai Kiran's “Grandfather…”

Thanks, guys, that’s my time,

You’re a great audience.