Saving Taurus.

"H ere comes the Bull, lookout.”

“Why?... oof!”

“That’s why.”

“Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I did?”

“Why didn’t you warn me before he got here Cat? Not as he is shoving his horn up my ass trying to get past?”

“That was funnier Ram.”

“Do you want me to head butt you?”

“Head butt me? What did I do?”

“It’s what you didn’t do...soon enough. My ass hurts now.”

"Why don’t you head butt that Bull up the ass now while he’s not looking? Give him a taste of his own medicine.”

“Nah, I’d rather not stick my horns near that ass let alone my head, It doesn’t look too clean. It’s got digested grass all over it. Runny digested grass too, can you imagine the splash that would make on my head?”

“Oh no here comes that dopey canine.”

“Hah, hah, hah, what are you lot up to? Hah, hah, hah,”

“Why don’t you catch your breath dog? So you can pull your tongue back in. Your drooling all over your feet.”

“Ignore him Ram, he’s pretending that he has been working.”

“Hah, hah hah, I have been.”

“Chasing cars is not a job. Is it Ram?”

“No, that’s more like a hobby.”

“Yeah, one that's gotten out of hand.”

“But your chasing shadows hasn’t, Cat?”

“Who chases shadows Dog? They are real. Until I trap one. Then they melt into the wall or the floor, they are cunning. But one of these days I’ll catch one you’ll see, then that will show up how stupid you really are won’t it?”

“Whatever cat. Anyway, I found out that the farmer is selling Taurus.”

“Taurus the Bull?”

“No, the goat Cat. Who, do you think? Of course the Bull.”

"I don't believe you Dog."

"Well google it if you have to."

"He's selling Taurus online?"

"Yes...The clothesline."

"I'll scratch your eyes out Dog if you roll them at me again."

"It's bad enough that you repeat everything I say back to me Cat. But you repeat it back as a question. The point is not whether the farmer is selling Taurus online? It's the fact that he is selling him."

"Tell the farmer my ass appreciates it."

"Aw Ram, he's not that bad. I've known Taurus since he was just a little bobby calf. He used to let me ride on his back as he frolicked around the farm."

"More like the poor little guy was running around in terror because something leaped onto his back then started driving its claws into his neck and refused to let go?"

"Put whatever spin that you want on it, Dog. So what's your plan to save him?"

"Plan? I didn't say I was going to save him?"

"Why not? Don't you like Taurus? Is it because he's bovine? I thought that there was something that I didn't trust about you Dog."

"What? You don't trust anyone."

"Especially dogs. One minute we cats are like that sexy friend that dogs have no chance of winning among their own species. Next, they just want to chase their sexy friend's tail around the house? When they can't catch that they end up chasing their own tail?"

"Bah hah hah hah."

"Stop laughing so hard Ram your balls are bouncing off the floor.”

"Shaadaap Dog. They're called sheep dags the farmer hasn't had a chance to clip them off yet."

"I know what they are Ram, round balls of digested grass that stick to a sheep's rear end."

"Look this isn't helping Taurus's case at all."

"Have you got a plan Cat?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"Make you come up with one."

"Aw, why me?"

"So if it fails I can blame you. Why else?"

"Okay, how about we rustle him?"

"Shake him up. What for?"

"Kidnap him and hide him."

"Why didn't you say that?"

"Because that's what they call it when you steal cattle."

"Why have a different word for it?"

"It's like if a cat gets killed by someone it would be called murder. But, if a dog gets killed, that's different...it's referred to as an assassination."

"Why?"

"I suppose because we would be missed more."

"Pft. When a dog gets killed it should be called, no big loss... Look, get back on track Dog. How will we rustle Taurus out of here?"

"Ram can unhitch the gates, I'll lead him out and you can be our lookout"

"Where shall we take him?"

"Down to the back of the farm then hide him in the bushes."

"How will we get him across the open paddock unseen?"

"We dress him up like a horse?"

"Good idea Ram. We can place a horse cover over him. You can pretend to be his jockey again Cat."

"Idiot."

"Why can't we do it at night in the dark Dog?"

"Because he might be gone before then Ram."

"Well, you had better hustle then Dog?"

"It's rustle."

"I said and meant...hustle, as in get your tails moving."

"Okay, Ram go do your magic, unhook that gate. I'll guide Taurus by that rope hanging from his nose ring."

"I'll run ahead and ask the horses if we can borrow a coat. Shouldn't be too long."

"Woooh, come on Taurus it's for your own good! Stop swinging me around in circles I'm getting dizzy. Ram heeelp!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Tackle him or soooomthing!"

"Are you bloody crazy?"

"Who are you calling lazy? I can't do this by myseeeelf."

"What? You're mumbling."

"It's hard to talk through clenched teeeeeeth?"

"I got an idea."

"Whaaaaaat?'

"Let go!"

"What?"

"Let...go!"

"No!"

"Why?"

"It'll huuurt."

"No, it won't. Just try it."

"What if you're wrooong?"

"Well let's find out."

"woOOof! Ow, that hurt, really hurt."

"Well? I told you it wouldn't hurt. I didn't feel a thing."

"Why should you? I was the one who got sent flying into the fence post."

"It can sometimes be painful to watch too. But it's okay, not this time. I'm good."

"What's the big deal Taurus? Do you want the farmer to sell you? Well? Talk? Talk! Say something!"

"He's over there Dog you're speaking to the post beside him."

"My eyes are still spinning."

"You are such the idiot Dog. The farmer selling me? No, he's selling my studdly services to the lovely lady cows on the farm next door."

"What?"

"I think your ears might be a bit too tender for me to explain what happens next Dog. "

"So, the farmer sold your dumb ass on the web to the farmer next door? Like some kind of...gigolo from a porno flick?"

"Dog, get your facts straight. They pay El Taurus well for his unique services."

"There ain't anything unique about what you do? We can all do that.”

"But to a cow?"

"I suppose that could take a special skill, like having a blind spot between the eyes."

"Stop trying to make me sound like some kind of cheap floozie Dog. You walk around in a collar but yet you mock the porn industry."

"What? We started the trend?"

"Kissing feet? No wonder the farmer sends you to fetch his slippers I always thought that he was just being a touch overbearing. But you love it?"

"Hmm, I suppose I do? That warm scent of...Hang on, we're getting off track now. Taurus I had such high hopes for you. We all did. Especially that Cat. But... male prostitute?"

"Don't make it sound as bad as you think it is Dog. Learn a few things. I feel there's nothing wrong with what I do, I will make a few cow senoritas happy mothers of newborn calves one day. Besides, that sure beats having the farmer and his helpers jack me off into a glove like they normally do.”

"Okay, Taurus you're starting to talk too much now."

"You had better tell the Cat that Taurus won't be needing that coat now Dog."

"Yeah, where is that cat Ram?"

"Dunno Dog?"

"Cat! Cat!...Here puss puss puss!"

"Oh no, you didn't Dog."

"Oh, here you are. Why does that call always work so well on cats?"

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