A piece of cake.

"Okay start from the beginning, You broke into Willie Wonkas Chocolate Factory? Hang on, hey angels! Demons! Come listen to this, another 'death by chocolate' story."

"Stop pushing demons, we have a right to be here too."

"So what? I did something wrong to end up here."

"You're just lucky that your master has eccentric tastes or you would be nowhere hideous one."

"Speak for yourself chicken wings."

"Are you trying to insult me? Bat wings?"

"Okay, knock it off you lot find a space somewhere. Away from each other."

"Tell the angels to keep their wimpy rainbows out of our faces."

"Please inform the demons that it's not just a rainbow it's a spray of holy water. It's not wimpy, we dare them to cross it."

"Nothing a good fart can't penetrate angel. It will knock you into a stupor."

"Giveth thee thine mightiest effort pawn of Satan! Alas, the blood of the holy shall conquer thee!"

"Gabriel, watch your language."

"Sorry Michael...Give it your best shot demon. Holy water will sting your ass."

"Are we ready yet? Everyone, settle down."

"How about a slice of chocolate cake while we get comfortable?"

"Are you serious demon?"

"Yes? Where are you on your plane of existence at the moment angel? Heaven?"

"Yes?"

"Where you can have whatever your hearts desire?"

"Yes? So what?"

"If you don't want us to disrupt the story that we are about to listen to....get us some cake."

"You do realize that you are a word that we are not allowed to use don't you demon?'

"You mean a clever f**ker? I know, but I can't help it. Also, some of us want some popcorn. Oh and about a dozen large colas. Skip the ice, makes them watery, gross. Are you angels allowed to add a bit of alcohol to drinks?"

"Only wine."

"Only wine? Wine mixed with cola? I suppose that could work?"

"And all this is with your chocolate cake?"

"You get up to speed pretty quick angel, well done."

"Anything else?"

"Well hey, if you're going to be so generous we could use an air conditioner in our dorm, it gets a bit humid where we are, some burn soothing cream, fireproof undies..."

"I was being sarcastic."

"Damn, that's the trouble with you lot, build a person's hopes up then it turns out that you were only joking?"

"We don't joke around when it comes to you, demon."

"So you weren't trying to be funny? Cool, I forgot to also ask for a..."

"Don't bother...here's your cake now shut up. I hope it kills you."

"Too late."

"Okay, our new intake is ready to speak. Keep it down, everyone. As you were saying earlier you broke into Willie Wonka's Chocolate factory ."

"Yes."

"You didn't know that it had been recently closed down?"

"No."

"What enticed you to go inside?"

"The music, I could hear music. The kind of music that reminded me of my younger days as a child when I used to go to the county fair with my family. The kind of music that promised you cotton candy, ice cream, chocolate."

"Was that your doing Siren?"

"It's the sort of thing that I would do to attract people to me but I don't recall this loser?"

"Will you demons shut up? So you went to investigate the music, I take it?"

"Yes."

"After you broke in, did you find the source of the music?"

"Not just then, but what happened next...absolutely floored me."

"Take your time to explain what happened."

"I crept into the vat room, where they keep their large vats of chocolate fudge. Some had been oozing their stuff out down the side and onto the floor, it beckoned to me to come and sample it. I took slow shakey steps across the floor because I could still hear this faint music coming from somewhere."

"What happened then?"

"I slipped on the chocolate and landed on my ass."

"And..."

"I got back onto my feet again?"

"That's what floored you?"

"Yes."

"So what brings you here?"

"Oh, that's a different story."

"Well tell us that bit?"

"I followed the music into the cake room the place was empty except for this most magnificent cake left all alone. It had five tiers, each tier decorated in different intricate patterns and styles. Patterns, colored with the many different shades of chocolate from a rich dark to an enticing white and all the coffee colors in between. I was spellbound by this thing of pure symmetry, design, and beauty. How its very grandeur celebrates the purest of human craftsmanship, achievement, and endeavor. All bound up in one of human kinds noblest inventions...a cake. I felt as though I was in the vicinity of a unique and rare, finely sculpted masterpiece."

"Then what did you do?"

"I ate it."

"All?"

"Not quite, I had to stop for a breath."

"What happened next?"

"I found myself running around looking for a toilet. After all, I never stopped to think how long that cake might have sat there."

"And that's what brought you here?"

"Be patient I am getting there."

"Okay, so the food poisoning didn't kill you?"

"No, as I was running around I noticed that the music was coming from behind this strange door."

"Did you open it?"

"No? Are you not listening? I already needed to crap. But I did find the toilets down in this dark and spooky part of the factory."

"I know the place. I think Peeping lives there? Probably wouldn't have noticed him?"

"Who?"

"Peeping, Peeping Tom?"

"Knock it off demons. Okay, continue,"

"I did go back after about an hour or so..."

"An hour or so? What were you doing? Trying to fill that toilet bowl to the brim? Poor ole Peeping, he wouldn't have liked that one bit."

"I'll block you demons if you don't keep it down and you won't be invited to come to listen in again."

"Okay. Keep your robe on Pete."

"So after about an hour or so you went back. To that strange-looking door. What was so strange about it?"

"Instead of looking like a door, it looked like something else?"

"What?"

"A window."

"A window?"

"Hahahahaha!"

"I said, shut up demons."

"Could you see through it?"

"Not really, the glass was dirty, covered in a coat of dust."

"It wasn't a glass door by any chance? Hahahaha!"

"I am losing my patience demons. Did you investigate what could have been behind the door?"

"Yes, I went up to it and knocked. But there was no answer. "

"Then what"

"I pushed the door open and noticed where the music was coming from. A stereo sitting in the corner of a fully furnished but dusty office, playing on a repeat cycle. I jumped with fright when I noticed that there was a figure sitting in a large office chair staring straight at me with wide open eyes and mouth."

"Was it Willie? Because I did see him when he came through here earlier with his own 'death by chocolate' story.

"Yes it was Willie and correct he was dead, It looked like he had eaten some poisoned chocolate drops or choked on them."

"He choked on poisoned chocolate drops. The closure of his factory was just too much for him so he decided to end it all by swallowing poisoned chocolate drops after leaving the world his greatest chocolate accomplishment, a five tiered cake that he had created. Then he changed his mind. He choked trying to cough it back up. So, the shock of seeing his lifeless body staring back at you is what brought you here?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"The next day I was in the loading yard telling my boss why I had to spend the morning at the police station. When a shipment of chocolate bars fell on top of me."

"And that's what did it?"

"No, I went to the hospital. It was while I was in the hospital."

"Tell me."

"The doctor said that I was lacking energy and recommended to the nursing staff that I should be given a cup of hot chocolate before bed. I got my chocolate just when a policeman came back to interview me. I took a sip, it was far hotter than I had expected it to be. My instant reaction was to spit it out. But it went down the front of the nurse who stepped back flinging her arms up, that hit the cop in the face who fell backward grabbing his weapon for some reason, then accidentally shot me between the eyes and...here I am."

"???"

"Hahahahahah!"

"Shut up demons."

"Did you learn something from this, angels?"

"Yes, you can never be too sure about anything."

"How about you demons?"

"Yes! He's a funny guy!"

Next Story...

To see or not to see?

Previous story.

The Barn Ark.