The Barn Ark

The sudden cold snap had forced the farmer to house his animals all together in the old barn.

He breathed deep when he swung the large double doors open to allow his animals in. He always loved the smell of old hay barns. They have their own warm scent of hay, aged timber and a slight mix of bird phosphorus a distinct odour from his tractor shed which always smelled of oil and soil. The warmth from what ever stored hay was still left in this old barn was very noticeable when compared to the temperature outside.

The loft inside was still sturdy, some of the chickens and the rooster made the effort to perch themselves up there near the roof irons where small shafts of light shone through the dust here and there. The larger animals were brought in next followed by the rest. The farmer pushed the tall wooden doors closed, swung the latch then headed back to the farmhouse leaning into the blustering wind.

"Okay, Okay, everyone settle down. Can we have the cows to the back, sheep in the middle, and fowls up the front? Thank you. Now listen up."

"Hang on Dog, where do you want us to sit?"

"If you pigs can find a space between the sheep and the ducks that should work out. Now is there anyone else?"

"How about me?"

"Get out of here mouse. You're not even a farm animal?"

"More of a farm animal than the cat is?"

"He has a job like the rest of us...not that he is any good at it. Cat! Why I am I here talking to your work?"

"You want to make an issue about the mice Dog? Why don't you chase them instead of the farmer's tractor every time he pulls away? You look ridiculous. Besides, I need my power naps."

"What exactly are you powering up to do?"

"Sleep."

"Sad excuse for a farm animal"

"Mouse? Why are you still here?"

"Because I might get stood on in the stable? Horses can get a bit skittish when I'm around? Besides, the cats still here? Well, kind of."

"Okay, you can stay this time, but be careful of the cat. He might fall off that rafter he's asleep on."

"Okay, Okay everyone. Don't start getting restless we will..."

"Mrs. Duck, can you please keep your kids from walking around like some kind of synchronized swim team? It's driving me nuts."

"Oh, I'm very sorry Mrs. Pig. Come here children come and huddle around mama."

"Thank you. I’m trying to breastfeed here, My piglets think it's some kind of floor show to go with their meal and keep trying to stretch their heads around to watch?"

"Are we ready yet everyone?"

"What are we getting ready for exactly Dog?"

"If you get off that ledge and come a bit closer you might get up to speed Goat."

"The lights! The lights! Who put the lights out?

"Can someone take that grain sack off that cow's head? Hey, you chickens' up in the loft watch what you're doing up there."

"Don't expect them to listen to you Dog. There is a reason why they are still called by their juvenile name although they are fully grown, adults?"

"Thank you for your input mouse. Okay, has everyone finally settled down?"

"Go ahead Dog, who do you have a bone to pick with?"

"Bahahaha! That's funny Drake!"

"Shut up sheep."

"Sorry Dog."

"Now, the thing I've been wanting to say is...Damn? Is anyone else feeling itchy?"

"Is that what's so important?"

"No, it's not, what I meant to say is...Hang on a minute Goat, I gotta catch this little beggar."

"You're getting it Mr. Dog! Keep hopping around in a circle you'll catch up to your back yet! Now try going back the other way.

"Will you ducklings leave Mr. Dog alone? can't you tell he's having enough trouble as it is? Humping around in circles on his behind."

"Sorry, mum. We are just trying to help Mr. Dog."

"You going to be long Dog? This show is getting mighty boring. Especially the part where you make us watch you scratch your butt on the barn floor."

"Oh, our comatose feline has woken up?"

"So give me a reason to stay awake Dog."

"Mice."

"Do you have to swear at me? That four-lettered word just rolls off your tongue, doesn’t it? This is why I would rather sleep."

"Your laziness has nothing to do with it?"

"No need to be nasty Hog. That's rich coming from someone who spends the day doing the backstroke in a mud pool. Disgusting."

“Don’t take him seriously Hog, after all, he thinks that we are a dirty word.”

“Thank you, Mouse.”

"It's not a mud pool for your information Cat. It's a mud spa."

"Are we ready now?"

"Dog we have been waiting for you?"

"Sorry, Ram. I might be able to get started now. Ahem!"

"Furball? I hate those it can take forever to finally cough one of those slimy things up...”

"Cat will you shut up and let me get started?”

“Whaat? We can’t hear you now the rain has started to hammer down on the barns tin roof!”

“Well get your tired butt down here!”

“Whaat?”

“Oh never mind, stay up there. Useless anyway.”

“It's okay, don’t get excited, we have all seen lightning before.”

“But not from the inside of a dark old barn? Spooky.”

“What was that?”

“What was what Bull?”

“That?”

“What?”

“THIS!”

“Bull! Calm down! Stop charging around you’ll hurt somebody!”

“Ducklings! Ducklings! Come to mama!”

“Little pigs, little pigs! Come to mummy!”

“Bugger this, I’m getting back up on the ledge!”

“Bahahaha!”

“What’s so damned funny sheep? Bull! Knock it off before you knock this old barn down on top of us!”

“There’s a creepy crawly on my nose.”

“It’s only a damned cricket!”

“I got it! Yum.”

“Thank you mouse, that’s a handy skill that you have there.”

“Without me keeping the insect populations down, there would probably be nothing to keep in the barn?”

“Okay everyone the rain has stopped, Bull has settled down now listen up.”

“Zzzz.”

“Can someone throw something at that cat to stop it snoring?”

“Okay Dog we are all listening.”

“As your self-appointed union delegate, it’s my solemn duty to inform you that we shall be spending the night in this old barn.”

“???”

“???”

“???”

“You don’t say...”

“Shut up cat.”

Next story...

A piece of cake.

Previous story.

The Barn Ghost.