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Insect decide.

What are ya?

By Russell Ormsby Published 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 5 min read
20
Insect decide.
Photo by Tobias Verstappen on Unsplash

"What the hell is wrong with you bee?”

“You’re in my way worm.”

“I am eating and I certainly am not a worm.”

“Then what are you worm?”

“I’m a caterpillar. There is a distinction,”

“What stinks worm?”

“Your ability to see clearly.”

“So, are you gonna be long, worm?”

“Oh go away. I obviously got here first. I am still using this marigold so go away.”

“Okay, bye-bye worm.”

“Ow, ow? What the hell is going on under me?”

“Sorry worm,”

“How did you manage to crawl under there ant?”

“I didn’t? You crawled over me?”

“So you weren’t the first here worm?”

“What did you come back for bee?”

“Because you lied.”

“But I didn’t know I was lying at the time?”

“At least you admit to your lying.”

“?”

“You’re a strange one? Most worms I know hide their heads in the ground before telling such barefaced lies?”

“I didn’t know it was a lie at the time? For the last time. I am a Caterpillar. Ask this damned ant below me, he should be able to clear it up. Tell the bee what you see down there ant.”

“Um...What bit should I be looking at worm?”

“Do I have legs?”

“I know there’s feet.”

“Well tell this idiot bee what I am.”

“She’s obnoxious bee.”

“I am willing to become a carnivore ant just to crunch on your head. You are starting to piss me off.”

“From up here you look like a worm, worm.”

“From down here you look like a blowfly, bee.”

“Can you get off me worm your feet are starting to make my eyes water. My antennae are trying to retract back into my head like a mammals proboscis on a cold day,”

“There, now get outta there.”

“Thank... gawd.”

“You had better move worm.”

“Why should I bee?”

“Something bad might happen to you if you don’t”

“Take your best shot bee, these hairs on my back will irritate the shit out of you.”

“Are they any good against that sparrow?”

“AARGH!”

“I would hide my hairy back if I were you worm.”

“Yeah you know what’s worse than being an eaten worm? Being an eaten and then coughed back up covered in phlegm worm.”

“Shut up ant. Why haven’t you gone home?”

“I want to see what happens when that sparrow sees you.”

“You won’t see anything the sparrows flown off to the next paddock. Oh what does this moron want?”

“Who worm?”

“That jumping jack ass spider leap frogging his way over to us.”

“Hey y’all, watcha doing?”

“How many of us can you see today with all those eyes spider?”

“Just the six of you?”

“All the paddocks in the world we get the only one with a cross eyed jumping spider? How you manage to jump onto anything is beyond me?”

“I creep up as close as I can get to my target. Trying not to make a sound that might startle them. I begin to feel what my target feels, I become as one with my target. Our breathing becomes as one. Our heart rates beat as one. Waiting until just that perfect opportune moment. Then like a true predatory hunter I flex my body ready to bound. Then just before I leap... I close my eyes and hope for the best. Most times I miss, or the target walks away while I’m still mid-air with my eyes shut?”

“From your cross-eyed point of view spider, can you tell this dim-witted bee what type of animal I am?”

“Well, I never really thought about that to be honest, bee? As far as I am concerned she doesn't look like she would be very enjoyable to eat. Looks kinda rubbery.”

“Rubbery?!? My silken flesh would melt in your mouth.”

“Sounds fattening? I’ve got my figure to worry about worm.”

“Can’t jump too far with an ass full of melted flesh either spider.”

“It’s an abdomen bee. Yours is definitely an ass.”

“I think I would make a fabulous centerpiece for any high-class banquet.”

“My mum would eat me if I brought you home to feed the family worm.”

“Why? Are you ants too well-fed? What about you bee? Don’t you think I would make a most delicious plate?”

“We don’t use plates worm. We bees are more partial to the amber liquid.”

“I know? Bee go and entice that sparrow over here. If the sparrow eats you worm we know you are right, you are delicious.”

“Just take my word for it ant. And why are you still referring to me as a worm? You saw my legs?”

“I couldn’t see your legs? My eyes were watering because of your feet?”

“You can’t have feet without legs.”

“Can you have legs without feet worm?”

“Yes, horses do.”

“Then how come you can’t have feet without legs worm?”

“Because it would look ridiculous? Or you'd leave a snail trail? So none of you twits know the difference between a worm and a caterpillar?”

“Yes. I consider that caterpillars taste nicer.”

“How would you know spider? I was under the impression that you didn’t like caterpillars?”

“Oh, I don’t mind caterpillars, not at all. I just don’t think that I could stomach you? You know the rubbery thing, brrrr.”

“Oh get over it. Here comes a dragonfly we’ll get his opinion.”

“If you think it’ll help worm.”

“Excuuuuuse...me.”

“He shot past you pretty quickly worm?”

“There’s someone that gets around all over the paddock. He will definitely be able to get you, idiots, straight without a shred of doubt. Hey, grasshopper!”

“Yes, worm?”

“Carry on...Well, who else can we ask to clear this up.”

“Well, dunno worm. Hang on worm, here comes someone making his way up this marigolds stalk now.”

“Ah, finally another caterpillar. Hello stranger.”

“Greetings all. Did you know that this is the tallest golden marigold in this whole paddock?”

“I notice that you have an elongated body just like me sir.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You also have legs just like me?”

“Yes, I do that too.”

“You even have hard mouthparts just like me?”

“Ah-ha.”

“So can you kindly tell these three flea brains what you are?”

“Yes”

“Well?”

“I am what’s called an inchworm.”

“See worm.”

Next story...

Welcome home, Alien.

Previous story.

Saving Taurus.

Fable
20

About the Creator

Russell Ormsby

Hello, let’s escape to somewhere different.

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  • Colleen Millsteed 2 years ago

    Hahaha this is hilarious and well written.

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