Miss Pig

In a grove of woods atop a mountain deep in the forest, there lived a farmer. A simple man with his wife and their five children. He worked day and night to feed his children. There came a day when he saw he needed to buy livestock. He had cut wood and saved money for the whole year. He gathers his Family up, and they head off the hill into town to the auction.

The townspeople were cruel to the poor Family, shunning them, some making faces at them. Others were grabbing their children and rushing away from them. The children stood with their Family, dirty-looking blackened hands, watching everyone around them. One lady said, "They could do with a good bath." The children's mother overheard this and swooped them up. "Ignore them. We are not here for them." The children, jarred by this encounter, turned away and focused on their father.

A man stood at a podium and started to talk and talked faster than any of them had ever heard, even quicker than Momma when she was mad. Finally, victory! Our father has won a bid! They looked to their Mother. "Which one did he win, momma?" She replied, "I'm not sure. But I think it's the red-haired pig." The children looked at her with a grim face, "Why would he want a pig?" Mother says, "Never mind."

They tie the pig up like a dog and begin their journey home. Strangely the pig goes without complaint. The Family arrives home, and Father is amazed about how well behaved the pig is and says, "Can you believe that?" Mother says, "Actually, No, I cannot. I have never seen anything like that before."

The following day they wake up to the pig lying on the porch. Mother nudges Father, "You have to see this." He springs to his feet and walks to the porch to find the pig lying on the floor. "Well, how about that." The pig springs to its feet as if it were saying, "Good morning!" The man stands there bewildered. "Ok, you seem like a good pig." and he reaches down to pet it. Everyone holds their breath in fear that the pig would bite him. However, the pig greeted the hand with a loving snout. "Well, you are a friendly one." "Papa, can we pet her too?"

All the children race to the porch and begin to pet and love the pig. It is instant love. The pig is an instant hit. Then the pig does something unexpected. When it sees the baby of the Family crawling on the porch, the pig jumps up and rushes over. Mother and Father both hold their breath for a second. The pig passes the baby and puts its snout against the gate, and closes the door. Momma grabs Father's hand. "Did you see that?" "Yes, dear, I did." Mother says, bewildered, "How is that possible?" Father says, "I don't know," equally shocked. I have never seen anything like this before. I never heard of a pig being that smart before. If I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, I wouldn't believe it.

They sit for a while. I guess we can forget our plans. Father looks at Momma and says, "Yeah, that's out at this point." But it's a she, so there is hope.

They sit for a while watching the children with the pig. Momma says, "It's like a dog." I know I was thinking the same thing. At that moment, one of the children throws a ball. Which rolls to the edge of the porch, and the pig rushes after the ball. They waited for the ball to explode. It did not. They looked around to find the pig carefully carrying the ball to the child.

This pig is the most fantastic thing ever. Mother says, "I know I can't take my eyes off it. How did we get so lucky?" Father says, "I don't know, I'm not normally a lucky person." She beams at him and says, "Thanks a lot." He stutters for a second. That's not what I mean. "Watch how you say stuff, Mr.," Mother says, scolding Father.

Summer rains come, and the pig makes herself a nice wallow away from the yard, and the pig can be seen watching over the children. This particular day the baby, now walking, decides to go on an adventure alone. The pig sees this, was not having that it promptly jumps up, grabs the baby by the seat of the pants, and drags the baby back in the yard.

A mother seeing this stands there in awe, "Father, I saw it with my own two eyes. The baby was going for the woods. The pig got her by the seat of the pants and drug her back into the yard." Father says, "You don't say." "I still can't believe it!" "That pig is worth its weight in Gold." Father, we love her, that's for sure. I agree. We are not going to let anything happen to her.

Winter comes, and the pig happily stays in her area watching over the little Family. Father dashes in the door, "Mother, I have enough money now to get another pig. We'll get her a companion." Off the Family goes to town, this time wiser than they were on the last trip.

Children bathed, cleaned up. They all give the pig some love on the way down the hill. Will we be back, ok? The baby hugs her. This time the townsfolk are not so bold. Father enters the area where the livestock is being sold. The man starts to talk wildly fast again. Hurray! Father has won another pig. This time it's a male pig. It's blond. Far larger than our girl at home.

Father thinking this pig would be similar to the female, places the rope around the pig's neck and was the first mistake. The pig takes off through the crowd, father hanging on for dear life, trying to get a footing. Mother says, "This is not going to be an easy trip home." The male pig squealed the whole way home. Dogs came after it several times, making Father's job far harder. Finally, at the edge of the night, we arrive home, our lady pig sitting at the steps awaiting us.

The instant she sees the male pig, she becomes insulted and walks off. However, the male pig has a change of attitude and becomes more agreeable and follows her.

She will have nothing to do with the male pig. The following day everyone still exhausted is greeted by their familiar face standing in the door. The Family hugs her. "Good morning Miss Pig!" She beams with love and walks over to the gate, and closes the door.

Meanwhile, the male pig watches from the yard. Father says, "We will have to make a lot for that one. "He won't be like Miss Pig." Mother agreeing sits down with a cup of coffee to Father and says, where will you get the wood? The large leaning oak that around the corner. He gets up from the table and grabs a huge saw that was hanging on the porch. He walks off, disappearing into the woods. Miss Pig watching the children, follows behind, closing the gate, ensuring no children slip through the gate.

As he walks, the saw bobs up and down, creating a unique rhythm. After several hours, a massive crash and a tree fall can be heard—Mother dashes out the door. Father and Mother return moments later. Father says, "I'll start cutting the slats up tomorrow to make the boards." Mother says, "I'll have to help. That is too much for one person to do." He smiles at her and says, "I would appreciate that, dear." Father says, "Wait, who will watch the kids?" Mother says, "Miss Pig." They both break out into laughter. Father says, "There are words you don't hear every day." Mother adds, "Words I never thought I would ever use, but there they are for the world to hear."

The following morning they get up, and as always, they are greeted at the door with Miss Pig smiling face waiting for them on the other side of the screen door. "Miss Pig, I have a chore for you today. You get to be a babysitter while I help my husband cut slats for your friends' new pen." Miss Pig, seeming to understand, sits down, her tail curls (The equivalent of a dog wagging his tail), and she gives a huge pig smile welcoming the chore. Mother pets her on the head. "You truly are better than any dog" she bends over and hugs Miss Pig, and she welcomes the love and affection. The male sees this and just lays in his wallow. The couple then heads off into the woods.

The children play on the porch with miss pig having a wonderful time. Mother comes around the corner from time to time to check on them to see if everything is ok. The couple works for hours making slat aft slat. Mother says, "This is like washing clothes on a washboard." Father says, "only a lot harder." She adds, "Not that much." They carry their stack of wood to the edge of the porch and neatly stack their wood. Miss Pig stands there watching and opens the gate for them as they get closer. Mother says, "That pig never ceases to amaze me. Did you see that she opened the gate for us?" Father laughed, "Yep, with my own two eyes."

The climb the steps mother says, "We have to do that again tomorrow too." Father laughs, "Yeah, for a week maybe." Mother lets out a huge sigh.

The next day they get up. Mother, stiff but moving, goes to the porch, and Miss Pig waits with her as usual. "Good morning Miss Pig." she gently rubs her head and scratches her ears. Miss Pig looks up at her and smiles and loves the admiration. "Are you ready to babysit today?" Miss Pig "Grunts" Mother presumes that means "yes."

Mother and Father both disappear into the woods again for another day of creating slats. Today, however, there would be a stranger visit the Family, A "Town'er ." He walks up to the edge of the porch and starts to open the gate, and Miss Pig jumps to her feet and then rushes the gate. The grown man jerks his hands back. The children come to the screen door. He asks them, "Where are your Mother and Father kids?" The oldest points to the woods where they cut down the tree. Miss Pig stands between him and the children, ensuring he does not come on the porch.

He steps off the porch, "How about that leaving child alone with a pig on the porch? That's just wrong." He goes off into the bush looking for them, to which he does not find them.

He then goes back to town and reports this atrocity to the town Sheriff. "What, those folks don't bother anyone. Why did you go up there in the first place?" The Sheriff adds, "You can't just barge onto people's property and complain about them." Then one of the ladies that saw the Family from the first visit when they bought Miss Pig chimed in, "I saw them those poor kids were nasty when they were in town one time, it was awful they looked like they hadn't had a bath in a month."

The Sheriff says, "Ok, I'll go check on them, but don't go back out there again." He promptly drives out to the house to find the children in the home, Miss Pig on the porch, and several stacks of lumber in the yard. "They must be building something." He approaches the porch, and without warning, Miss Pig jumps to her feet and slams the gate shut before he can put one foot on the porch. The Sheriff, shocked by this, almost falls, catching himself on the railing, "Whoa! Where did that come from!" The children laugh, the oldest says, "That's just Miss Pig. She won't hurt anyone. She's a big baby." He opens the screen door and steps out. She promptly puts him back in the house. The Sheriff says, "Where are your parents?" The child points to the edge of the woods, "Just out of sight right there they are cutting slats for the hog pen."

He saunters off the porch, "He was right that pig is dangerous. Who leaves their children with a pig?"

He cuts the corner to where he can hear talking and sawing, the couple laughing, telling jokes working hard, making slats. They turn around to see the Sheriff and are stunned. "What can we do for you, Sheriff?" He responds, "I had a complaint about you leaving your children alone with a pig. It looks like it's true?" Mother chimes in, "Yeah, but that's no ordinary pig, and we are just around the corner, and I check on them every few minutes." "Still, mam, that's illegal," I called social services, and they will be here shortly to take your children.

The Mother screamed with despair. Father shouts, "What are you crazy!" The Sheriff says, "That's child endangerment!" The rush back to the house, the Sheriff blocks them off from going into the house. Social Services pulls up, and two ladies get out. Both large women older, pancake makeup too thick, blue eye shadow, and beehive hairdos. They approach the porch. Miss Pig moves between them and the door. The Sheriff says, "Call the pig down, or I'll have to put the pig down." Father looks at Mother, "How would we do that?"

The Social workers light cigarettes and say, "Is there a back door?" We can go through the back door. They circle the house, the boar having seen these ladies dashes between the women scaring them one falls into his mud wallow, putting her cigarette out and destroying her hairdo. They grab the children, who by now are all screaming and crying. They put them in the car while the Sheriff retains Father and Mother. Miss Pig stands on the porch, squealing in dispair. The Sheriff says, "You'll need to get a good attorney."

The Family knows they cannot afford one. Then he places them in handcuffs and wheels them off to jail. A week passes, and the Judge requests to see the Mother and Father. The Jailor opens the door and takes the husband and wife into the courtroom. The Judge enters, "Please be seated,"

I have called this particular case to order because I took the time to have Social Services and the County Attorney talk to the children. They told the same story word for word, "I want to see this pig." The Family, confused by this highly unusual request, says, "Ok, Miss Pig is our house." "Sheriff, will you oblige us by driving us all out there?" "Yes, your honor." Shocked by this bizarre request.

The Judge gets in the SUV with the Mother and Father. They drive out to the house. Miss Pig is lying at the steps waiting on the arrival of her Family. "Has someone been feeding them?" The Sheriff said, "Yeah, I did. It was the least I could do." Moments later, a car pulls up with their children. The Judge gets out. The children get out Miss Pig is wildly excited and starts doing circles, then zooms through the yard, happy to see her Family. The children all gather around Miss Pig, hugging her, and she dotes on the admiration. The dash to the porch, she follows them. The youngest struggling to climb the steps stops Miss Pig, gets behind her, places her muzzle under the baby's behind, and lifts the baby to the next step. The Judge sees this even gasps. He looks at the Father and Mother and says, "Did you see that?" They say, "Wait, she does even more." At the top of the steps, the pig places itself between the baby and the steps. Then closes the gate behind it when the baby is safe. The Social Workers and the Judge all gasp in disbelief. The Sheriff stands there in disbelief as well as the Judge and Social Workers.

The Judge says, "We are dropping the charges. We are sorry to have bothered you, folks. If anything, we need to find a way to help you, folks, out." Father and Mother both beam with gratitude and appreciation. "Your Honor, we just want to live and be left alone." The Judge replies, "Then your request is granted." The Judge gets into the sheriffs' SUV and can be heard saying, "I never saw anything like that before in my life. I am still amazed.

The Family lived happily ever after until the boar and Miss Pig had babies, and then there were 12 babies running around doing amazing and sometimes naughty things. We'll save that story for later.