Love, Loss and the Bridge in between

They say home is where the heart is and if that's true Evangeline had many homes. She left pieces of her heart in many different places. Now one of the biggest pieces was six feet under with her parents.

As she walked to their graves, the leaves shriveled up and the grass cried out or maybe not. It was all dark and sad out in her head, but it was a beautiful day, to be honest. The leaves were spread out, hugging the trees and the grass was that money green- the kind that's fresh and grabs your attention. As she walked closer to the tombstones she felt like the grass was pulling on her legs or maybe it was her mind since a part of her didn't want to go but she needed to. She needed to talk to them. She needed help. She left another part of her heart in a different home and no matter how much she tried to move out and sell the place she couldn't because that place did not belong to her. It wasn't hers to sell or give away it was someone else's and she hated that but loved it at the same time because they haven’t kicked her out just yet. As she got closer, she stood over the grave and embraced the cool breeze...

“Hi...it's me ...your little raindrop. I’m doing okay. I hope you guys are doing good”.

She sat down wiping some dirt away as she placed marigolds on the grave. It was one of her mother’s favorite flowers and hers as well.

She crossed her legs looking at the words: Wilma Kamaria Williams and Zion Raphael Williams. Turning to her dad's grave she sighed

" I guess you're happier now huh dad, being with mom. You always did say she was the reason you got up in the morning. I just never realized how serious you were when you said it”.

She felt the sadness creeping into her chest and looking down, she played with the grass and continued "I guess part of me wants to ask you why- but I know why and I hate that I know why because now I feel like all my homes are gone and I have nowhere to go or turn to ….nowhere but one place and I can't go to that place because my heart is still there. YOU make me afraid of that place”.

She started pulling grass out of the ground out of frustration. “That place that has been my home for four years now is turning into this haunted house that I fear if I go into it I will end up six feet under too and you guys know how much I hate haunted houses. So why do I still think about that place? Why am I still so tempted to go to it even though I’m so afraid?”.

Feeling alone Evangeline moved closer to the graves and laid down on her back. Looking at the sky she took a deep breath. “I love you guys so much. But I’m also so mad at you guys for doing this to me. I just...I need advice...what do I do now? Should I just try to go back? I’m so scared and I just need you guys to tell me something or give me some kind of sign, please…. I miss you guys”.

As Evangeline got up and left she couldn't shake the bricks on her shoulders. She felt tired and sad and just wanted to crawl into her home or her old home since she now lived in this tight apartment where she had no piece of her heart. The apartment was a dull gray color and the windows could barely open. The second-floor window had some scratches on it like the glass had been broken and glued back together.

At least the neighborhood was kind of nice. There were beautiful willow trees in the park and a garden with some of her favorite flowers, like magnolias and sunflowers. There was even a lily pond and some french marigolds...wait, she thought, since when were there marigolds there. She walked closer to the garden to get a better look and standing there in the garden was her home holding marigolds.

“Hi,” he said. She was shocked and couldn't comprehend how he was here. Her home was in front of her with his arms open, holding their favorite flower. She couldn't help but look at the sky “Wow you guys work fast thank you”

“ What?” Noah asked.

“ I really need to stop thinking out loud” replied Evangeline, to which she got a laugh. A warm laugh that shook the foundation of her home. It hadn't changed at all. She couldn't help but look him over. His curly dark brown hair with the left side always messier than the right. Those brown eyes with gold specks that were clean and powerful, like strokes from a paintbrush, were covered by beautiful long black blankets every few seconds hiding the artwork that was those eyes. His mouth still naturally had a little curve to the right it was like he had a resting smirk and his jawline still sharp enough to cut a brick, she used to joke.

Evangeline stood there observing him from his brown jacket that blended in with the trunk of the willow tree he was leaning on, to the black Mickey Mouse shirt she got him from when she, for the hundredth time, dragged him into the Disney store that one time last spring. It hugged his chest nicely, complimenting his dark skin. She had only got it because it came in pairs and right now she really wished she was wearing her Minnie Mouse one. She didn't realize she was staring for so long until she heard his smooth voice warming up her ears as if they were drinking hot cocoa on a cold winter night.

“ Please say something.. And not just hi,” he said

“ What are you doing here?” she replied “ I mean not that I don't want you here. It’s cool that you are here how is everything you look really nice your beard game is strong I see not that it wasn't strong before it's just you shaved last time I saw you- how long ago was that? My wow look at the time it's crazy how fast time goes I should probably head inside- right yea,I should head inside”. Evangeline took a deep breath after that marathon her mouth ran. This was just like when they first met; he always left her in scrambles, she thought.

“Rainey...please. Can we talk?”

“Ok”, she replied, and together they walked into her apartment that felt even more tiny and crappy now that they were both in it.

“Wow..this is a nice place you got”

“ Thanks”, she replied, even though she knew it was a lie. It wasn't nice.It was horrible and lifeless and they both knew it was nothing like her old home; it was nothing like him.

“Um..this came in the mail for you, Cleo told me where you were uh...Your sister, Blossom, is pushing up her wedding... it's in two months.”

“ok”

“Yea”

“Will you go with me, Noah? Like be my plus one”

“I was hoping you would ask...I miss you”

“I miss you too”

“Then why did you leave?”

“Noah”

“I'm serious Evangeline...I just you just left no explanation. One minute I’m on one knee giving you a promise ring”

“Noah” replying Evangeline rolling her eyes.

“Okay an engagement ring but it was a promise nonetheless to be by your side and you just ran”

“ I just”

“You didn't even give me an explanation you just ran and then you came back and packed up your stuff while I was at work no note or anything gosh Evangeline why?”

“ It isn't that easy”

“What isn't that easy? You hurt me, Rainey...I mean fuck!” He replied in frustration rubbing his face “You hurt me, you just left like it was fucking nothing like I meant fucking nothing to you”

“I needed to think I needed to get away from everything. I’m alone in this world now and I…”

“You’re alone? You. are. alone. So me standing here in front of you right now means your alone? I get it okay, You lost your parents, trust me I get it your talking to a fucking orphan for goodness sake my mom died two years ago remember and what did you tell me?” Noah spoke in frustration taking a seat by the table.

“Noah I” Evangeline replied softly walking closer to Noah.

“ What did you tell me Rainey?” He repeated looking up with sad eyes.

“I told you it was okay we would get through it together but..but” Evangeline threw her hands up and continued as her eyes began to water “ THIS IS DIFFERENT OKAY! I DON'T WANT TO GET THROUGH IT! I JUST... I don't know okay, I don't know what to do and I don't know what I want and I just need space.”

Noah and Evangeline stared at each other for a while both with sadness in their eyes till Noah finally sighed, standing up he looked at Evangeline with longing and said

“ I...fine. You can have your space I think I need some too, I need to clear my mind of us for a minute, I just...You’re right we need space, goodbye Evangeline” and with that, he made his way to the door. Evangeline, stood staring as he got up to left. It felt like he was giving up on her and them and she didn’t know what to do. Looking anyway but at him, she looked down at the floor cursing when she noticed the wedding card on the floor. She didn’t want to but knew she needed a date and although she didn’t wanna talk about it she had to. So quickly running after him, Evangeline grabbed Noah’s arm before he could enter his car.

“Shit…. Noah wait...will you still come with me….to the wedding ..I just ..if I show up alone..”

“I get it. I’ll come, I said I would so I will and when I SAY things I mean it they aren't different nor do they change, just text me when your ready” He replied with sadness and drove off. Evangeline stood there watching his car drove off and could do nothing but whisper what she should have told him “ I just need time Noah. Please don’t be mad at me. I just love you so much...I'm scared”.

Picking up the Marigold flowers, forgotten on the floor, Evangline made her way into the kitchen putting them on the table in a vase. She sighed looking at them and walked towards them. “You are so beautiful” she whispered to the flowers, softly touching the petals. She couldn't help but think about the person who gave them to her and knew while she didn't have the courage to call him and apologize for how she handled everything, with time she would find the strength to get her home back.