love like you

My writing origins started in fanfiction, so it's time to return to my roots. Here is a SemiShira (Haikyuu!!) fanfic.

Standard disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this work; this is a work of fiction. The depictions of the characters will not be canon/fanon. The art used for the cover belongs to its original owner. The title is based on the song, 'Love Like You' from Steven Universe - take a listen here. There are mentions of death, overstimulation (non-sexual), current events (semi-fabricated), vomit (non-graphic), and depression - read at your own risk.

If there are mistakes, look the other way!

Enjoy and shoutout to my first subscriber - highly appreciated!

The living room was covered in the shadows of the night; the shining beacon was the blaring white light coming from the TV. His body sunk into the couch like cement brick into the ocean. His eyes were empty like an abyss with glassy browns burnt onto the TV. His fingers trembled as he involuntarily flicked through the channels on the TV. His brain melted as it tried to absorb the information, only to disappear a second later.

Another variant killing millions?

A new disease found in a place with no medicine?

Another school shooting?

Another humanitarian crisis in place no one knew existed before today?

Time to hop on social media; don't forget to change your profile pictures, tweet your prayers, use your hashtags and then forget all the deaths a week later as if they were a speed bump in your road called life.

All this information flashed like lightning without the energy to match - his heart raced as he tried to pause, only to catch a shaky breath in his throat. Then, like a body without a soul, he was empty.

A soft click entered the space, the vacuum of the living room broken by a soft, "Hey Kenji,"

Kenji perked his shoulders and turned his head slightly; his eyes made the difference. He'd recognize the neon pink boa, military green trench coat, and black ripped skinny jeans anywhere on the planet.

You dress like you're blind.

"Yes," Kenji's voice hoarse from lack of usage. The person entered further into the room. Kenji's fingers still clicked through the channel.

12 people have been hospitalized-

Kenji…

Leaders in Saint Kitts and Nevis are calling for an emergency shutdown-

Kenji…

Another 345,271 people have died as a result of Swine Flu, the variant called-

The remote was snatched from Kenji's hand. The person kneeled in front of him, deep brown eyes scanning his face for any sign of life. Kenji's stare at the TV darkened as he continued to read the news stories at the bottom…

Child predators, anarchists, new insurrection, the election was rigged,

People are dying, and you're not helping them - why aren't you helping them, you pathetic good-for-nothing piece of-

A snap broke the stream of thoughts, and the hand pulled away to reveal a pair of concerned brown eyes that stared back at him. A soft sigh came from the person in front of him as he stood back up; the TV flicked off to plunge the room into darkness. The remote's soft clank against the table was the only indication of movement in the room.

"Kenji, talk to me," the person spoke as you would to a toddler having a tantrum...

Or a person on the brink of jumping off a bridge.

Kenji swallowed and turned his head in the direction of the voice.

"Can't see," Kenji forced out under his breath. A soft light clicked on next to them, the lamp from their housewarming.

Who did they get it from again? He was always so good at remembering little things like that.

He started to thump his forehead with the bone of his wrist. Why. Can't. I -

The guy grabbed his wrist before he thumped it again. Slight pressure was added as a warning to cease. Kenji swallowed and let his wrist be held.

A thumb glided across Kenji’s palm. The compression was still heavy in the air. His lungs felt weighted down by anchors of guilt. Taking shallow breaths was his salvation.

"Eita," Kenji whispered as Eita turned his head to meet Kenji's eyes. I can feel them. Eita's eyes are bright with warmth in the cold darkness of the room.

I can feel him staring into my soul. It burns. "I'm sorry," He mumbled the rest, unable to keep contact without feeling light-headed. Eita squeezed his wrist to hold Kenji together. Then he turned on his heels and guided them toward their small kitchenette.

He heard a slight shaking from Eita’s hand. Kenji's eyes flashed toward the other hand; the scratching plastic must be coming from there. Kenji shook with the small skip in Eita's step. Kenji sighed.

"Here," Eita pulled a chair from the small table while holding the white bag. Kenji's eyes flashed up to Eita's and then back to the chair. He lowered himself in the seat, and Eita squeezed his wrist for a soft reassurance. Kenji turned to face forth in the seat, sliding the chair back against the table.

"I'm going to let go now. No more hitting yourself, okay?" His voice tingled with fear and confidence - Kenji's mind has a habit of playing tricks, and he fell for them too quickly in this state.

Kenji nodded, lips pursed together and eyes still glassed with nothing in the works. Kenji's head fell to the table with a bang. Eita motioned under the sink as a white light flicked on. Eita turned and rested a white bag on the table. He then kneeled and grabbed a candle from under the sink.

"Thought we put these in our coat closet," Eita questioned as he set the candle in the middle of the table. Kenji sat his head up with his hands, resting his elbows on the table for leverage.

"I thought I moved them all from under there. Must have forgotten one, I'm sorry Eita," Kenji's voice broke as his eyes started to water, tears on the brim of his eyelids as he let out a deep sigh.

"Hey, nothing to apologize for. Came in handy since the next candle was in our room," Eita's voice was filled with a glowing sun type of warmth. Kenji sniffled as he tried to breathe the heat, his heart heavy with icy walls and cold breezes.

The white light turned off, and the kitchenette’s walls lit with pastel oranges and yellows. The smell of birthday cake filled the air, along with a small chuckle from Eita as he placed a lighter back in his pocket. Kenji's eyes crossed over to catch what the fuss was about.

Sorry, sorry. I had ice cream the whole time, and it was soft when I got it, so I'm hoping it's still eatable,"

"Why ice cream? It's too cold for that,"

Eita's eyes perked up, with combative comments or praise up for debate. The tips of his ears started to turn a soft pink, and his cheeks turned the same color as if his body was having a “reaction” to Kenji. Kenji knew what it was - he was blushing - be romantic, he couldn't reciprocate the feeling, you fuckup.

Please leave me alone, Ei.

You don't have to clean up my mess.

Leave me broken.

Like a glass vase smashed against a wall, Kenji broke. And he really didn't want Eita getting hurt picking up his pieces.

Kenji turned his head to meet Eita's eyes. Kenji could feel his breath escape his body as Eita's eyes warmed his heart, the walls melting away. No.

"It's always a good time for ice cream! It tastes good," Eita's voice jumped as he flashed his ‘rockstar’ smile, pearly whites on display like he was modeling for a poster, cheeks rosy, and pecan browns scattered with specks of gold. Goddammit.

"Filled with sugar,"

"Can be made into many different creations,"

"If you're into that sort of thing,"

"Plus it's a sweet treat people associate with happiness, joy, fun and love-"

"People who have had it,"

Eita huffed and stood up from his seat abruptly. Kenji swallowed as he forced his eyes forward.

Should have quit while you were ahead. I should have been in my room forever ago.

Fuck.

Why am I always ruining everything?

Kenji jumped from his thoughts as a bowl clicked against the table, and two spoons rang in the bowl followed. Eita dragged his chair out again and sat down with a thud.

"Well, we're going to enjoy some of this sugar-filled, tooth-rotting, vomit-inducing treat," Eita opened the ice cream container and scooped out a chuck of vanilla. Wait. We?

"What do you mean 'we'? I don't want any ice cream," Kenji affirmed.

Eita shook his head at nothing, still scooping vanilla into the bowl, "Yes, you do," He closed the container and stood up. Kenji looked down at the bowl and then forward again at Eita.

You idiot.

Just let me rot, please? Is that too much to ask?

Eita sat back down again, opening the lid on an unfamiliar jar. Kenji glared over at him through his peripheral vision.

"Hot fudge - I haven't had any in forever," His smile graced his face again as he stood up with a slight skip toward the microwave. Kenji turned his head to watch Eita - whose head nodded to something in his head: an original song, a cover, a song he enjoyed… Kenji didn't know. But he liked it, no, he loved it.

His fingers tapped against the counter as he stepped back from the front of the microwave, and his eyes fell on Kenji. Although a bit of heat rushed to Kenji's cheeks, making him feel lightheaded, he turned his head away from Eita.

Eita sighed, "My dad used to make the best hot fudge sundaes ever for Akita and me," The microwave beeped, and Eita turned to open the door.

Kenji cleared his throat, "Dish towel on the oven handle,"

"Thanks, doc," Eita smirked at the nickname as he grabbed the towel from behind.

Kenji grinned to himself; Yeah, I didn’t want to treat your burns while I’m spiraling.

As Eita sat back at the table with the hot glass of fudge, Kenji looked back at him with a concentrated gleam of chestnut in his eyes.

Eita slowly poured the fudge over the vanilla ice cream, "Whenever we had a bad day: three scoops of french vanilla, one jar of chocolate fudge, and a pitch of peanuts. Whip cream and the cherry were Akita's favorite. And we'd sit and talk; we vent about our shifty teachers, school bullies, or life in general. And he listened,"

Eita stopped once the fudge only stuck to the inside of the jar. Eita sat the jar down and grabbed a spoon from the bowl as he pulled the rest of the fudge out of the jar for the ice cream.

"So why did you stop having them," Kenji questioned with an increasing gleam of chestnut in his eyes.

Finally, someone I can help. Someone I can save.

"My mom didn't make them the same. I come close, but," Eita took a moment to catch his breath, "Could never make them as good as him though - thinkin’ he used a secret formula or somethin’," Eita joked, but the dip in his voice said it all.

Kenji nodded at him as he finished the last coat of fudge on the ice cream. You couldn't see the vanilla as it drowned in fudge.

This will rot your teeth.

This will make you sick.

If you get sick, all those people who count on you will be done as a person… then what will you do?

"So," Kenji blinked as his vision set onto Eita's face; soft brown eyes, soft scowl, and pastel pink dusted across his cheeks. The walls bounced off shades of oranges and yellows against his cheekbones, jawline, and neck at the perfect angle.

He's so angelic. No wonder people scream about how he’s saved them.

A small smile crept onto Eita's face, and a small strand of ash blonde fell against his forehead. His eyes flicked up, and he huffed at the piece, rolling his eyes when it didn't fall back into place.

Why do you love me? Don't you think I'm a waste of your time? I've been so busy with work lately that I don't remember when I said I love you. I've given up so much, yet the world is still fucked. I think everything would be better if my brain were shut off. Or smashed with a hammer to never be replaced. I've given up so much, yet I have nothing to show. I feel so empty. I'm so sick and don't know how to fix it. And I'm scared-

Kenji blinked. Once, twice. His vision cleared as he felt Eita's hand grace his cheeks to wipe something away. Did he say all of that aloud? Had he been crying?

Eita pushed the bowl closer to Kenji as he continued to clear away tears from both cheeks. Kenji looked down at the bowl of empty calories, fuck it.

He grabbed a spoon, scooped up more chocolate than vanilla, and slipped it into his mouth. Kenji hummed as the sweetness activated his tastebuds - it's been forever since he's tasted and not inhaled something. Kenji continued to soup up fudge as tears silently slid down his face. Eita caught most of them as he sat silently with watchful eyes.

Kenji swallowed another scoop of fudge, resting the spoon back in the bowl, "I'm feeling under the weather, not sick or anything. Just the weather," Kenji mumbled as he turned his head toward Eita. Kenji's throat tightened as he met a pair of tearful brown eyes like his own.

Goddammit, Ei, I didn't want you crying too.

"Fuck, I'm sor-" Before Kenji could finish, Eita leaned into and captured Kenji's lips in what felt like a reset for your phone.

Everything stopped. There was a soft light, heartbeat, swallowed breathing, and warmth. God, a lot of ardor. Being thrown into a literal fire couldn't compare to this.

Because for a moment, Kenji felt human.

And it felt… nice, familiar, normal?

Was there even a word to describe the sudden feeling of being reawakened? Of a fire coming back to life though it was stomped out? He didn't know, and at this moment with Eita - he didn't care.

Eita pulled away slowly, his hand resting against Kenji's cheek. Kenji snuggled his hand to keep the newfound fire burning. Eita smiled as his face turned a soft carnation.

"I threw up on my first date," Kenji snorted as Eita continued, his thumb massaging Kenji's cheek, "My mom and I prepared everything; she brought me these black loafers from an upscale shop, made a reservation at a fancy place - like we wanted to knock the socks off this chick right?" Eita's voice was animated as his aura remained calm. Kenji felt at peace, so he closed his eyes and nodded for Eita to continue.

"So we get there; my mom is excited, we take photos together and our folks chat while we head inside. We sit down, we get our menus. Waiter comes by and offers water, great start so far. Not even two seconds after he leaves, the girl reached across the table and brushed her hand against mine. Next thing I know, I'm in the back of my mom's car with my head in a bucket," Kenji chuckled and shook his head against Eita's hand.

"Classic Semi, sure the press would love that story. I can already see the headlines straight off the presses - ‘Ex-Girlfriend of rockstar SemiSemi exposes horrible first date. Prince Dumbass strikes again’." Kenji joked with a bashful undertone, and a sniffle from Eita entered the conversation.

Eita's wrist tapped against Kenji's cheek. Kenji's eyes opened slowly as they met Eita's soft browns. Kenji sat up and cupped Eita's face, clearing the tears from his cheeks.

Eita chuckled, "My mom reacted the same way. Panicked because I never got sick, trying to pick her own brain on how to ‘fix’ her son from some random parents' forum,"

"Sorry, your mother and I are chronic fixers," Kenji whispered as he caressed Eita's cheeks.

Eita chuckled, his hands wrapped around Kenji's wrists with a light squeeze, "You and me, like in that story, were overwhelmed. When your body gets overstimulated, it shuts down and goes into autopilot," Eita squeezed Kenji's wrists again.

"And when you go into autopilot, your body needs to relax. Which is also why ice cream is so good, it gives your brain permission to reset in a way?" Eita's eyes flashed with hesitation, but Kenji nodded as he leaned in closer, Eita's cozy. He missed cozy.

Eita swallowed, "You're always hard on yourself; you always have been. So maybe taking an ice cream break isn't such a bad idea, you don’t have to do anything but eat." Eita's eyes locked with Kenji's, and his body leaned in to meet Kenji halfway.

Eita swallowed.

Kenji swallowed.

"I love you because of your flaws, including your overthinking. It has its place, but not every place. Like my recklessness, it’s needed, but not all the time. And this is one of those places - Kenjirou, I know you're stressed. I know you're scared. You're overwhelmed beyond feeling, beyond thinking. And I can feel the energy coming off your body," Eita sniffled, and new tears slipped down his cheeks.

Kenji quickly cleared Eita’s tears as he continued, "I don't care about hearing I love you. I care about whether the love of my life has a pulse that fills him with warmth, not cold. Hope, not fear. Joy, not despair. I could go the rest of my life not hearing I love you, but I can't go the rest of my life knowing that you'd rather be a shell of yourself or dead than break down and let me pick up the pieces and put you back together. To be vulnerable when you need to," Eita swallowed, biting his lip as he pulled away from Kenji's hands. He sat back in his seat, his hand stretched out to grab a spoonful of fudge.

Kenji pushed himself out of his seat while watching Eita swallow a couple of spoonfuls.

"It's melted, you know," Kenji mumbled to himself; a soft sigh escaped his lips, "What happened with the girl?"

Eita smirked as he rested his spoon down. He threw his head back as he grabbed the bowl and drank the rest of the treat. Kenji shook his head at Eita, crossing his arms as he waited. Eita sat his head back upright as he pursed his lips. Kenji took the bowl from his hands and rested it in the sink.

"She told her best friend everything, even the color of my stomach acid. Best friend came to my locker to jump down my throat, ended getting her number, and we dated for bit," Eita shrugged as he stood up from the chair.

"Geez, if asshole was a person," Kenji joked as he stood back in front of Eita. Eita shook his head as the smirk slipped back on his face.

"Can't be the hero in everyone's stories. So you do what you can and keep moving forward,"

“That’s so shit - did you get that off a forture cookie or something?” Kenji raised a questioning brow. Eita winked, and Kenji’s eyes fell to the ground again; a huff escaped his lungs.

Goddamnit. Semi Eita. As I live, love, and breath. You'll always be my angel. My idiot angel.

"Now," Eita instinctively closed the gap between Kenji and him, his hands caressing his cheeks as he gave him a quick peck. His lips are like candy. I want you to melt in my mouth.

"With pleasure," Eita whispered in Kenji's ear.

Did I really say that out loud again?

Fuck.

Kenji’s face heated up, and his lightheadedness came back momentarily.

"But first," Eita leaned into Kenji's neck and took a quick sniff, "You need a hot shower," Eita took his hand gently in his and guided them out of the kitchenette toward their bathroom. Kenji squealed (that son of a bit- ugh) at the sniff but followed behind Eita.

"You're amazing, Kenjirou, and I'm so blessed to have you in my life. You are doing so much good every day. Can you save everyone? No. But you help who you can, always put others first, and it shows in your depression… But you can’t help anyone if you can’t function." Eita whispered to the air, but Kenji’s ears pecked up like a satellite; his face turned a deeper maroon as the words brightened his heart.

I'm overstimulated overwhelmed.

“I told you the story so you’d have something else to think about. The shower will bring you back to center, then I’ll dress you in something comfortable, and we can lay in our bed until we fall asleep? No phones, no TV, nothing. Just us. How does that sound?” Eita looked back at Kenji over his shoulder.

Kenji’s eyes lifted to meet Eita’s; he can be such a genius, yet he does the stupidest things.

“I’ll only agree if you sing me the song you were humming in the kitchen,” Kenji’s voice leveled as he held back a whimper. Eita bit his lip and nodded at the request.

Eita stopped and opened the bathroom door. He took one of Kenji's hands and placed it against his chest over his heart. Kenji gripped the shirt to anchor himself to Eita’s cardiac rhythm.

Eita rested a hand over Kenji's heart. Their eyes locked in the darkness, their breathing the only vocals, their heartbeats the only melody.

Kenji prays for world peace every night.

And that’s yet to come true, but one prayer has been answered in the form of Semi Eita, the love of his life.

Kenji swallowed and, for the first time since Eita came home, spoke in his determined voice with no bratty undertone, "I'm so happy to have a love like you, Eita,"

Hope you enjoyed the work - if you did, be sure to like, comment, and share with a fellow Haikyuu fan (actually, share with everyone, pretty please). #keeponwriting!