Lost and Found

Wind whistled outside. Mira could see the branches quivering in the cold frigid air as the TV blared on about the arctic vortex that was sweeping the midwest. Her mind wanders as she walks through security as her eyes follow her bags on the conveyor belt. She gathers up her things and slips on her shoes while her phone bings every second with a message from her wife. Mira sighs. Angie was sweet, kind and perfect but she sometimes wonders if she really wanted this. She glanced at the messages.

‘I miss you so much! Can’t wait till you are home… we can cuddle and kiss and watch movies!’

‘Babe! Don’t you miss me’

‘baby!’

She sighed and decided she would have to call her again even though it had only been two hours. If she didn’t call these messages would never stop. She walks towards the waiting area and winces as she settles into the chair and its wires dig into her back. She sighs louder as she realizes she left her blue blanket in security. After talking to security they point her in the direction of the lost and found. Dragging her bags behind her she calls Angie and barely has to wait for the phone to be picked up. As she walks she listens to Angie talk about how much she misses her and how she started to bake cookies to stop thinking about her for a minute but how she can’t wait for Mira to try them soon. Mira hums her way through most of the conversation adding the occasional “I miss you too” and “I wish I was there” as she reaches into the black bin looking for her blue blanket. Smiling in triumph she reaches down to pull out the blue blanket she just spied near the bottom when a hand with pink painted nails grabs the other end. She glances up and she feels her heart squeeze and for a moment it felt like all the air in her lungs had been knocked right out. It couldn’t be. She can’t be here after all these years. “Baby? Babyyyyy” Angie whined on the phone.

“Honey I love you I talk later ok? Gonna go through security again.” Mira said quickly, her heart nearly falling out of her chest as she stares at the brown eyes she never thought she’d see in person six years ago.

“Didn’t you just go?” Angie says confused.

“Yeah forgot something I'll call you later.” Mira said her mind lost in the years she spent imagining those eyes and that face in the dark. She hung up before Angie could even say goodbye. That goodbye didn’t matter. Not compared to this hello infront of her.

“Mira.” The girl says as her heart beats faster. She takes her in. She looks down at the blue blanket. “This is yours?”

“Yes… it is. What are you doing here?” Mira replies, her heart going a thousand miles a minute.

“Flying home to Oregon. I had a trip here for work.” Adara replies.

They both held on to the blue blanket as the quiet between them was filled with whirling memories of long facetime calls, late night texts, as their eyes brimmed with tears as they recalled the heartbreak of ending what could have been because they couldn’t meet. They had 5,416 miles between them at the time which were now reduced to a mere foot right now.

“Oregon?” Mira said questioningly.

“Yes, I moved from Brazil to Oregon two years ago.” Adara said, still gazing into Mira’s teary eyes.

“Are you -”

“I got married a year ago to Luca. We have a girl named Ruth.” Adara answered Mira’s unspoken question as she ran her fingers on the blue blanket’s soft fuzz. “You?”

“I got married two years ago.” Mira said quietly. Before she could stop herself the words slipped out of her mouth. “Are you happy?”

“Why do you ask?” Adara said, wiping her cheeks.

“We never wanted to leave one another. It was just - four years without seeing one another in person - it was a lot.” Mira said. “Want to sit?”

“Sure.”

They walked towards the wall and sat on the ground as Adara opened up the blanket and covered Mira along with herself. She felt so at home. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Even with Luca there was some time of fumbling but right now with Mira she felt like they had been together for eternity. You’d think she would be nervous never having seen her except in her dreams or on a facetime call but all she felt was home. It felt like Mira was opening up all her doors that she had locked up and set a fire inside her after so long. Mira felt Adara’s arm and leg touch hers and her body heated up her cheeks a fiery red. She was embarrassed that someone who had never got to touch her could make her feel such heat and butterflies in her stomach.

“So how did you end up in Oregon?” Mira said looking at Adara as she pulled out a gum piece and offered it.

Taking the gum Adara smiled softly. “I wanted to move. Luca said how’s Oregon and well… you had always talked about Oregon so I decided I couldn’t have you at least I could go see that state.”

“I live in California now. I moved there after we ended it. I couldn’t imagine Oregon without you.”

“All fights are being cancelled due to weather. We recommend you find a hotel to stay at until the skies clear up. We apologize for this inconvenience.” The speakers blared.

“Shall we find a hotel? We will be here awhile.” Adara said as she absentmindedly brushed the blanket and folded it.

“Yes. There was a Holiday Inn nearby we could go to.”

“We always joked we would meet in a Holiday Inn when you weren’t out.” Adara said, smiling as she picked up her bags.

“We did.” Mira said as her phone rang. She sighed as she answered.

“Hi angel. Yes the flights are closed. I’ll be staying at a hotel. Yes. I’ll see you soon baby. Bye.” Mira closed the phone looking at Adara who was texting her husband. She didn’t know why she didn’t tell Angie that she met Adara. I mean it would have only made her jealous. But it's not like she has a reason… that was valid enough.

“You didn’t tell me about me.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know it didn’t seem important enough.” Mira replied. “Did you tell about me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

Mira waved down a cab and they got in. She grazed her thumb on Adara’s knuckles in the car as she watched the wind swirl the snow and ice in the air. She felt Adara sigh as she traced her hand and went up her sleeve slowly. Her breath hitched for a minute but then she felt Adara’s hand on her thigh. She looked at her and she could feel the tension in the air. Their breath was making small clouds that touched as they sighed and leaned closer. Mira could feel the longing she felt six years ago aching and flowing out of her as the woman she always wanted sat with her hand on her thigh. As they reached the hotel the wind hit their faces sharply as if to wake them to the reality of where they are and who they are. Married women. But as Adara felt Mira’s hand graze hers and fill her with the warmth of Malibu sunshine the concept of marriage flew out the window.

So what if it has been six years? She was her first love. They were here meeting. If this isn’t fate what is?

Her mind filled with the memories of tears that spilled when they broke up simply because the distance between them seemed impossible to break. She was in Brazil studying to be a biophysicist. She was in her MFA program and they had planned to live together by the time Mira ended her first year. But it was now near the end of the second and they were nowhere closer to moving in together. Their fights got louder and angrier. The sadness of never being able to touch was clawinging and ripping them open. Everything the other did made anger build and so they turned away. Broke off a love they wanted so badly for their own sanity. Right love at the wrong time. But they were here. Finally. Again. She was right here.

Mira watched Adara as she walked alongside her looking at the snow around her.

“You love the snow don’t you? Because when your dad worked in the rig in Korea you guys lived there and you adored the snow. I remember.” Mira said, brushing her fingers on Adara’s cheeks.

Adara instinctively kissed her fingertips and turned red. “You still remember everything hm?”

“How can I ever forget. I still… I still dream of you.” Mira said locking hands with Adara and kissing her hand.

They walked into the hotel together and Mira peeked at Adara as they got separate rooms and made their way to their rooms. They hit Adara’s room first.

“I’ve been dreaming of you too… this is me.” She murmured as her hand played at Mira’s fingers.

“It could be me too.” Mira answered quietly.

Mira’s heart seemed to be racing out of her chest and she was praying that Adara would pull in. She had to feel her. Know her. She had waited so long. Adara caressed Mira’s cheek and opened the door and pulled her inside as her phone rang. She ignored it, turning it off as they fell onto the bed kissing.

It was everything they had dreamt of. Everything they had told one another in whispers in the phones when they were miles apart. Mira traced Adara’s sleeping face on her chest. She was everything she had ever wanted or needed. Adara’s brown hair curled around her fingers as she caressed her head and she smiled remembering how years before she dreamt of brushing them out of her face. They were on facetime talking and Adara had been outside. The wind had been blowing on her face making her brown curls fly around her and Mira had said she would have given anything to be able to brush them back repeatedly. They had smiled and shed a few tears that day.

“What will we tell them?” Adara whispered as she traced Mira’s arm bringing her out of her thoughts.

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know. I just know I need you.” Mira replied, pressing her lips in Adara’s hair. A heavy silence filled the room.

“I always wanted you.”

“I always wanted you Adara.” Mira replied, hugging Adara tighter.

They spent the night telling each other about how they moved forward long ago. Adara had finished university and become a biophysicist. She l=had met Luca after they had broken up and after turning down two proposals from him she agreed the third time. They got married in Brazil and later found work in the United States. They had their daughter soon in Oregon, but she couldn’t bear to name her Sophie because that was the name she had chosen with Mira. She chose Ruth because of her grandmother. Ruth was two now. She had brown curls like her. She admitted to closing her eyes whenever Luca was with her and imagining Mira in the beginning. Soon it became a duty as a wife and she lost feeling. But it still happened sometimes. She would think of her and wonder what her touch would be like.

Mira gripped Adara closer as she told her about how she had come out after they broke up to everyone in the family. The shit show had led to her moving farther away from them and she found Angie after moving to California. Angie had always been wonderful to her but it was so… pushed. So hard sometimes to push out the thoughts of what could have been if they hadn't broken up. She sometimes thought Angie knew she wasn’t as in love as she is and was trying harder to keep her. She had never been unfaithful… not until now.

“Maybe it was fate.” Adara whispered. “So that we could be together.”

“We can’t… not like this. I have Angie … you have Luca and Ruth.”

“I know.”

A heavy silence fell as they simply touched one another.

“Do you remember the roses you sent me on my birthday?” Adara said smiling as she pressed her face in Mira’s neck. “Thirty six roses, chocolate boxes, teddy bears, and wine. My god I remember my mother was like ‘she’s a REAL good friend isn’t she?’ I was in a giggle fit.”

“I was desperately in love with you. I am still.” Mira said, kissing Adara’s head.

“I … I love you just as deeply my love. You know Luca never got me that many flowers. Always twelve. No huge gestures.”

“You never were one for large gestures.” Mira said looking at Adara.

“I wasn’t. But then I think about how you never thought they were big gestures haha. And for Luca, a rose is a gesture.” Adara said quietly.

“No one can be us hm?” Mira said with a sad giggle.

“No. Whatever we could have been is a fire I wish we got to see.” Adara murmured. They snuggled in the duvet more holding each other tighter.

“I wish we got to see it too. I remember when you spent all your savings to get me a birthday cake and strawberries dipped in chocolate. The US dollar was so high… you cried cuz you couldn’t get me a bigger cake.” Mira said, wiping her cheek of a stray tear.

“I wanted to be extravagant and the US dollar was not on my side.” Adara said with a sad giggle.

They spent the rest of the night talking and kissing. They didn’t check their phones once.

With that they packed up in the morning and got to the airport. As they walked through security and turned to go to their gates they could feel their hearts shattering like glass. Mira grabbed Adara’s cheeks and kissed her slowly.

“See you someday bubba.” Mira said, wiping her cheeks of her warm tears fervently.

Adara smiled sadly at the nickname she had carried in her heart locked away and turned to walk to her gate.

Mira got home late but walked into a surprise as balloons surrounded the house and streamers flew out as she opened the living room door. Before she could say anything Angie flew into her arms and guilt tripped over her for a swift moment and then she smiled. “Hi my love!”

“Hi baby. What’s all this?” Mira said, setting Angie down. Angie giggled and said, “Nothing I just really missed you!”

She went on talking about how she had worked all day yesterday and that she had missed her so very much.

Mira stood shocked to her core. While she had been kissing Adara her wife was decorating this house to show how much she missed her. Why did she only feel dread? Why was there no excitement… how could one night take away all the love from this life?

“Where’s your blanket baby? I missed smelling you and you took it with you!” Angie said, pulling Mira down on the sofa.

“I… I don’t know.” Mira said, kissing her forehead as they cuddled on the couch.

“Maybe it got lost.”

“Maybe.” She murmured thinking of how Adara slept in it.

After a long night of kissing and cuddling Mira woke to the smell of pancakes. Mira got up and hugged Angie and they sat down to have breakfast. AS they talked about the day and their plans, Mira was lost in thought about Adara and how it felt to touch her cheeks.

“Baby why don’t you shower? I think you are still tired.” Angie said caressing Mira’s cheek. “You don’t seem to hear me.”

“Sorry baby, you’re right, I’ll take a shower and we can go have a picnic hm?” Mira said kissing her nose and walking to the shower.

As she showered she thought about coming clean. Telling Angie about Adara. About the amazing kiss and the way it felt to be home in the woman she always wanted. Maybe it will cleanse her and the feelings will finally leave. Or she will lose Angie. No one wants to hear how at home you felt in another human that isn’t them. But if she told she could close that chapter and they could move on. She scrubbed her face, sighing. As she stepped out of the shower she saw Angie wiping her cheeks.

“What’s wrong baby? What happened?” Mira said, reaching to grab Angie’s hand.

“Found your blanket.” She said showing Mira her phone.

A picture of Ruth in her blanket was on her screen with a message.

“I love you. I can’t be apart. Tell me you love me too. Please Mira.”

The truth had been found too.