iSpy

Nikolai and Nigel, tasked with assassinating each other, huddled over for warmth in the abandoned Siberian barn, wind howling through the rotten wooden joists. Nikolai Antonov, Russian assassin, buried his hands into his thick brown beard to avoid the impending frostbite, stroking his chiselled jaw in contemplation. Nigel Clark, one of MI6’s most ruthless spies, shuddered as the blizzard raged outside, wondering how he had gotten himself into this situation. Very aware of the impossibility of both surviving, and that time was running out. He had to make a decision, today.

Usually cleanshaven, Nigel was thankful for having grown his beard before undertaking this mission, his scraggly facial hair thawing his frozen hands. For six days they endured the snowstorm, six days with no food, very little water, and only a damp creaky barn for shelter. The decaying wooden structure rocked back and forth, as if the barn itself was having an emotional breakdown about it’s harrowing situation, uncertain of it’s own survival from the perpetual storms shaking it’s very core.

Siberian winters are reknown for their unrelenting fury, the eternal blackness briefly illuminated as the lightening scarred sky screams out in agony, before plunging the world into darkness once more. Oblivious to the oblivion outside, both assassin and victim rocked in time with the barn, arms wrapped around themselves, plagued by one inevitable question; which of them was going to die?

Nikolai thought of his wife, Svetlana, light of his life, and could not bear the thought of never seeing her again. Svetlana also worked for the Investigative Committee of Russia, and had been his partner on his very first mission. She made him feel welcome despite the suspicions of others, and from that first day they just … clicked. Nikolai was drawn to her platinum blond hair that cascaded down her back, he swam in her ocean blue eyes, and admired her petit frame. Svetlana had an elegance about her in their shared missions, wearing a satin red dress with a slit up the side to reveal her porcelain thigh, taunting her unexpected prey like a black widow, bringing them close, then swiftly taking their life with a blade, catching them in her slender arms as they look helplessly into her eyes.

To him, she was the definition of beauty, feminine, yet deadly, teasingly seductive. She knew exactly how to play the game, play with men like they were toys, and Nikolai could never be certain if he was just a pawn in her long game of chess, until the day he dared reveal his feelings. Heart hammering as sweat formed in his palms, head reeling from the task ahead, Nikolai was completely unfamiliar with these feelings. He’d killed countless men, fooled lie detectors, and endured countless near-death experiences without showing an ounce of fear, but one eyelash flutter from Svetlana, one syllable of her melodic voice, completely floored him.

Nikolai doesn’t remember what he said to Svetlana, her overwhelming presence caused a complete black out, but he will never forget her response:

“I thought you’d never ask, Niko. I’m free tonight.”

A whirlwind romance followed, high stake roulette nights at Moscow’s most luxurious casino, ice skating on the frozen pond in St. Petersburg, and thrilling nights in each other’s arms, in the throws of passion below silk bedsheets. Svetlana was a dangerous woman, and that made her all the more enthralling to Nikolai.

In past relationships, he couldn’t reveal his true line of work, destroying any hopes of love with constant excuses for his prolonged absences. But with Svetlana, he could tell her almost everything; “it’’s classified” was understood and never questioned, for she was under the same pressures.

Perhaps it was their brightly burning passion that eclipsed all else, the knowledge that every mission could be their last, or that he could be himself around her, but after only a few months, Svetlana and Nikolai eloped to Siberia, married in the very barn Nikolai was hiding in now. Svetlana glowing in her beautiful snow fox-fur gown, and he in his finest Tuxedo, thermally lined of course. After the secret ceremony, the lovers rushed back to avoid the suspicions of their sleuthing colleagues – it was not the done thing to marry a fellow spy.

The last time he saw Svetlana, she was fighting back tears, panic-stricken.

“Niko, I don’t know how to tell you this … I’m pregnant. What are we going to do?”

Putting his arm around Svetlana, he dried her tears. As she sniffled in his lap, he stroked her hair, shocked and overjoyed.

“Lana-loo, that’s wonderful news! I’m sorry to leave you when you need me, but I promise I will be there for you, both of you, when I return.”

“That’s why I had to tell you … in case you didn’t come back” She sniffled.

“I’m coming back, and I’m telling Yan this is my last mission. I love you, Svetty”.

After kissing her gently on the forehead, and again on her belly, Nikolai marched to Yan’s office.

“Yan, before you begin, this is urgent. I can’t do this anymore. I love this job, but things have changed and there’s no other option for me. No negotiating, I’m finished. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.”

“Nikolai, where is this coming from? We can’t lose you now. This mission is important and we need your skills for this one.”

“I’m sorry, but like I said, there’s no other option. You know how it is in this job Yan, the time has come for me to get a mundane job in the real world. I won’t say anything about this place, I know better than to betray an organisation of trained killers. You have my word, if you give me yours. I’m finished.”

“You can’t abandon today’s mission, Nikolai, too much is at stake. Do this, one more assignment for me, and you have my word it will be your last.”

“One more? …. Fine, but just one. No longer than a month, and this better not be a ploy to kill me off, Yan.”

“Fine. I’m sure with your expertise you’ll only need a week to track him down. Then we’re done.”

Yan outstretches his hand, and Nikolai hesitates for a second.

“No killing you off either Nikolai.”

Nicolai grasps his hand firmly in agreement. One week, then back with Svetlana - a better outcome than he had hoped.

“Tell me his name Yan.”

“Of course. British MI6 agent, exact whereabouts unknown, but we have information confirming he is in Russia.”

“His name Yan, I’ll do the rest.”

Yan smiled, he was going to miss Nicolai.

“Nigel Clark.”

***

Nigel Clark joined MI6 at the early age of 21, cherry picked from Cambridge University for his 1st class degree in Computer Science and Russian. Trained for espionage, he initially hacked Russian political and military communications, interpreting them for British intelligence services. Based in London, Nigel led a double life, his friends and family believing he worked for a corporate firm translating business agreements - a believable cover story that needed no elaboration.

Nigel met Lillian his girlfriend, or “golden haired goddess” as he called her, at one of the universities traditional parties. The pair were inseparable, if not slightly insufferable to all their friends. Romantics at heart, the couple never left each other’s side. None of their friends were at all surprised when Nigel proposed to Lillian - on a gondola as the sun set a soft orange glow over the river Cam. Of course, Lillian said yes!

Nigel struggled initially with having to hide his work from Lillian, but knew the lies were to protect her. He reasoned with himself that, he was telling her a half truth, he really did work in an office as a translator, did the details really matter? Was it worth telling his Lily-flower? He could not put her in danger. He reassured himself that it was no different to what his colleagues had to do with their families. Secrecy was the price he paid for a well-paid job he enjoyed, and he put all his earnings and efforts into making a home for him and his fiancé.

A year later the couple wed in an intimate little church with stained glass windows, with Nigel sparing no expenses so that Lily could have her dream wedding. After a three-month honeymoon travelling though Italy, Nigel was delighted by Lily's news that she was pregnant!

Unfortunately, during the months that followed, Nigel’s fairy-tale life began to unravel. As Lily reached eight months pregnant, Nigel completed his combat and firearms training - with the expectation that he would begin undercover work immediately. After a heated negotiation with his superior, Nigel was allowed to delay his deployment a further 6 weeks so as not to miss the birth of his son.

After four weeks, Lily delivered baby Isaac Nigel Clark. Both parents beaming, Nigel could not believe that he could love anyone as much as Lily, but somehow, this little boy, his little boy, he could not describe the love he felt for his baby. He had a family, a complete family, overjoyed to be the dad he had always envisaged.

Looking into his little eyes, hazel like Lily's, Nigel saw his future, pushing his little Isaac on the swings, teaching him to ride a bike and walking him to school … but these images faded away as Nigel started to realise, he would likely miss some of these milestones. Not only that, but he had not told Lily about his up coming “business-trip”, as he had not wanted to stress her out during her pregnancy.

As he explained his impending month-long absence, Lily could not contain her upset. Sobbing, overcome with the emotional roller coaster of childbirth, motherhood, and now the feeling of abandonment, whilst struggling with the first few days of looking after a new-born, she pleaded with him, begging him to stay.

Nigel was heartbroken but tried to reassure Lily that the time would go quickly, and promised to help her as soon as he returned. He didn’t want to miss anything either and felt like he was abandoning his wife and son, but in his heart, he knew he was providing for them, he might be miles away, but he would be able to fully financially support them so that Lily wouldn’t have to worry about money. She could put all her focus on Isaac for both of them.

Though distraught, Lily accepted that Nigel had to go. She counted the days until he was back, struggling with Isaac’s relentless crying, but spurred on by the vision of her husband returning. In desperate need of respite, support, and a full night’s sleep, Lily was absolutely devastated when Nigel phoned to break the bad news. He was required to remain in Moscow for a further 2 months. Unbeknown to Lily, Nigel’s target had escaped, and a further few months was required to track this terrorist down. Perhaps if she had known this was the reason, she would have been more understanding. But Lily, given Nigel’s sorry excuse of an “extended business trip”, was reaching breaking point.

After Nigel’s second, third, fourth, fifth business trip, Lily could no longer cope, and handed him divorce papers through floods of tears. Inconsolable, Nigel returned to Russia, putting all his energy into his ongoing undercover mission, with brief visits back to England to see little Isaac whenever he could. But Nigel was falling for someone he shouldn’t, and if he pursued her, he would be everything he said he wouldn’t. Double agent has a dirty ring to it, and yet, he found himself falling for her, the very woman he had been sent to monitor, Svetlana.

From that day, Nigel could not distinguish himself from his alias, Nikolai. And now he had a choice, one terrible choice. Who would “die”, Isaac’s father or pregnant Svetlana’s husband? He entered the barn as both Nigel and Nikolai, but only one would leave.