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Happy To Wait

A moment of snowy, golden stillness.

By Gabriel HuizengaPublished 3 months ago Updated 3 months ago 1 min read
Top Story - February 2024
31
Original Chickadee Sketch :)

Birdseed slips between gloved fingers. Your body trembles from the cold, and from the strain of remaining still for many long minutes. Shifting slightly, you lean more heavily on the back porch’s low banister. Hands jut into the white abyss, bearing a small, dark, shaky offering.

This is a rare moment; a new phone, a fast car, the nine-to-five, and an aversion to therapy have joined forces to cultivate a life of impatience, efficiency, and quick gratification. But stillness is a new and different friend, and you are happy to wait in her company.

A gentle wind picks up. Clouds shift, and the winter sun paints the scene a ruddy gold. Slivers of powdery snow, caught in the gust, dance like flames across the backyard.

A black-capped chickadee alights on the edge of the treeline, setting a thin branch awobble. You hold your breath, willing your supplicant hands to remain motionless.

The little bird, puffed up to the point of sphericity against the cold, cocks its head in the appearance of consideration. Will she answer your long, silent prayer?

The wind dies, the light remains, and the world is still.

Two small and hungry creatures share the quiet moment.

Then a distant siren sounds, the wind picks up and pushes a cloud in front of the sun, and the chickadee twitters off towards the neighbor’s birdfeeder. The moment ends.

That’s okay, you think, watching her go. Stillness edges a little closer than before. For once, you are happy to wait.

Microfiction
31

About the Creator

Gabriel Huizenga

Twas for love of words that I first joined this site:

Poetry, essays, and dear short stories too;

For to live one's best is to read, and to write!

So find me in words here, and I'll find you 💙

Thanks for stopping by! :)

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  1. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  4. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  5. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

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Comments (24)

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  • Emos Sibu Poriei (Kaya)25 days ago

    Beautiful! Love it! Congratulations on TS! 😊

  • Pauline Fountain26 days ago

    Gabriel … a most worth TS. ‘A gentle wind picks up. Clouds shift, and the winter sun paints the scene a ruddy gold. Slivers of powdery snow, caught in the gust, dance like flames across the backyard.’ And I feel I am there. Pauline 🌸

  • Farhat Naseemabout a month ago

    Amazingly written

  • Cathy holmes2 months ago

    Beautifully written. I like how you describe the moment of stillness and make it palpable. Well done and congrats on the TS.

  • Shirley Belk2 months ago

    Well deserved Top Story...loved the lesson of stillness and your beautiful little drawing!

  • Anna 2 months ago

    Congrats on Top Story!🥳

  • John Cox2 months ago

    This is a lovely story. I loved your illustration of the chickadee. Congratulations on Top Story!

  • Hannah Fraser2 months ago

    Such a beautiful piece - this absolutely blessed me

  • JBaz3 months ago

    Your descriptions are vivid as you add an air of calmness, leading the reader to believe one thing then revealing the truth in the story. Very well done

  • Harbor Benassa3 months ago

    This is amazing! I love how you alternated between short and long sentences to intensify the moment. A beautiful marriage of form and fiction. Fantastic job.

  • Susan Fourtané3 months ago

    Everything is beautiful but the little bird sketch is so sweet. 😍

  • Zoe3 months ago

    A serene reminder of the beauty and tranquility found in nature's simple moments.

  • Test3 months ago

    Superlative job! Maintain the fantastic effort—congrats!

  • D.K. Shepard3 months ago

    You made a lot of intentional choices that made this really magnificent! Cue the applause! 👏

  • Kendall Defoe 3 months ago

    You captured a pure moment here... Top Story? Of course!

  • sleepy drafts3 months ago

    Oh, this is so beautiful and vivid. You create the feeling of stillness so perfectly in this while also maintaining a sense of anticipation within the reader. Beautifully done and congratulations on Top Story!

  • Rachel Deeming3 months ago

    I could picture this really clearly from your description. I love little birds!

  • Novel Allen3 months ago

    This is so deep and personal. Such a beautiful moment written in a minute of reverie. Wonderful short story. Congrats On TS.

  • Ava Mack3 months ago

    Absolutely loved this, Gabriel! You capture the stillness and the tipping balance of a moment perfectly. Congrats on TS!

  • Andrea Corwin 3 months ago

    This is especially lovely for me, as a bird watcher, to read! You captured it perfectly. I sit quietly frequently watching the birds and wild things and enjoying their wonder like you shared here.

  • Just a couple notes on my writing decisions! I made two rather unorthodox choices in writing this piece; first, I wrote it in the present tense. As is perhaps clear when you read the story, I did this as a way of writing in the spirit of the little story's theme about embracing the present moment! This is something I struggle to do, and I felt that forcing myself to write in the present rather than the more usual past tense would be a fun exercise and a cool way of incorporating the story's theme into its basic structure. Secondly, I wrote it with YOU as the main character! I began writing it with a vague protagonist, but quickly decided that it would be much more compelling if I wrote it with the reader being pulled in as the person experiencing the little story firsthand. Just wanted to share those notes! Anyhow, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and that you have a wonderful day- cheers! :)

  • Rachel M.J3 months ago

    Oooo, very mysterious! I particularly liked this line, " Slivers of powdery snow, caught in the gust, dance like flames across the backyard." Very beautiful imagery

  • Robbie Newport3 months ago

    Nice writing, was an enjoyable piece.

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