Girls Will Be Girls
But I’d rather piss off a boy to be honest
Pissing off people is probably never a good thing, but if I was going to piss off someone, then I would prefer to piss off a boy. Girls — well pissing off a girl is usually a big mistake!
Let me tell you why.
Cast your mind back to your schooldays and I bet you’ll be able to predict the nastiness and revenge tactics told here in my story.
Trust me — don’t piss off a girl by hurting her best friend — especially not MY best friend.
I was fifteen years of age and it was, or so I thought, a normal school day. I dressed to kill and left home at the usual time, but that day I was late for first class.
On my way to school I ran into my nemesis. A girl that had taken a dislike to me from day one. Usually I’d be taunted and teased for something I’d be wearing or some characteristic of how I looked, but this day was different. This day it turned physical and this little bitch gave me a wicked black eye.
Boy, did it hurt — and not just physically. To have to walk around the school halls wearing a shiner! Well let me tell you, it did wonders for my reputation…..NOT!
And you guessed it, my best friend was super pissed, especially when she found out who the culprit of that black eye was.
Look out nemesis, we’ll call her Sally, your days are numbered!
Well, Sally was hosting an after graduation party on Friday night and originally my best friend wasn’t planning to attend, but my black eye changed her mind. She decided she’d go without me and the wicked smile plastered on her face told me I really, really didn’t want to go.
My bestie became my hero for the rest of time after that famous party.
While everyone was getting sloshed; partying, dancing, laughing, talking trash, my bestie was stuffing all the curtain rods in the house with raw tuna, pushing the fish deeply into each rod with a pair of chopsticks.
There were no consequences to her actions that night but as it was the middle of a scorching summer, within days Sally and her parents started to complain about the smell.
The stink started off faintly but each day heightened the offensiveness, until their entire house smelt like a festering death. It took them weeks to track down every nasty morsel of putrefied tuna that my bestie gifted them with.
So, trust me when I say you should never voluntarily piss off any female member of the population — especially not my awesome best friend!
Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.
If you enjoy this piece, you may enjoy this one too.
Please visit my website if you'd like more information on my newly published book, Battle Angel : The Ultimate She Warrior.
Originally published on Medium
About the Creator
Colleen Millsteed
My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.
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Comments (3)
We knew a pastor who used stink bait. He &/or a friend would stick some on a radiator at a gathering, move to the far end of the room, & wait for the response. He once stuck a dirty diaper under the front passenger seat of a friend's car early in the fall. The next spring he asked how long it had taken them to find the diaper. "That's what it is!" exclaimed the friend. "We've spent all winter making people get out to check their shoes trying to figure out who stepped in something." (Since it only smelled once the heater warmed up, so several minutes down the road.)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I aspire to be that best friend! Revenge is sweet! Or in this case, stinky! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nasty, but not the kind of maliciousness I was expecting. If anything I was expecting more of a public humiliation for revenge. Still, Your friend's revenge sounds sweet while the smell reeks of death.