Gentle and Steady

“You’ll be safe here.”

Julie said nothing, but Mrs. Holden was not offended. The woman sitting in front of her was soaked by a cold, fall rain, and Eliza Holden had to hold back tears when she helped Julie remove her coat, revealing bruises and an ugly gash on her arm, still bleeding. Eliza had known Julie since she was 6 years old. She could still remember the bouncy child who raced up to her holding the hand of her son, Charlie.

“Mrs. Holden! Charlie and I played house today, and I made an apple pie, but he said it was salty so I put him in time out, and...”

How bright and joyful Julie had been. The woman sitting in front of Eliza didn’t resemble the child she had once known in the slightest. As the years had passed, and Julie and Charlie grew closer, Eliza had been certain that Julie was her son’s future. But Charlie had been determined to become a veterinarian and return to the small farm town they had grown up in, and Julie dreamed of city lights and a bigger life. The two had parted ways, and promised to stay close, but time and seasons flowed by, and soon years had passed since Charlie had seen or heard from Julie. Eliza had asked Charlie from time to time if he knew what happened to Julie, but he had always answered the same: “I’m not sure, Mom.”

Julie’s mind wandered, just as Eliza’s had, to the past. She remembered that day six winters ago, when she had knocked on his apartment door ten days before Christmas. It was snowing, and Charlie was wearing a suit when he opened the door.

“Jules!”

“Charles!”

Charlie was getting ready to attend a Christmas party. It had been several years since they had seen each other, and Julie was now working in finance in New York City. They talked about her job, and vet school, and their pasts, and their futures. Years condensed into seconds, and Julie couldn’t quite figure out what feelings had flooded her soul.

“Are you still seeing Kaitlin?”

“No, we decided last year that it was best to split up. We didn’t want the same things, and after we split up, I realized that I was looking for something else.”

Julie’s heart raced and she stared at her feet. They sat in silence for a moment. Charlie broke the silence:

“I have to head out to the party soon, but do you want to come with me? We could grab food after, or—”

“I have something for you.”

Julie swallowed hard and placed an envelope on the table. Charlie picked it up and opened it.

“You’re getting married?

“Yes. I wanted you to get an invitation first.”

Julie bit her lip, and she felt a lump growing in her throat. Why did she want to cry? This was supposed to be a happy moment, sharing her newfound joy with an old friend. But still, something felt off, and part of her wished she could reach out and rip apart the white cardstock with gold lettering.

Charlie was silent for a minute, but when Julie looked at him again, he smiled at her, and reached out and patted the back of her hand.

“I’m really happy for you, Jules. You deserve a wonderful life.”

A few more minutes of empty chatter, and Julie left. She could feel him watching her as she drove away, but the second she was out of sight, she pulled over and sobbed.

Now here she was, nearly six years later, sitting in the living room of Charlie’s childhood home. The fiery passion that had made Donny a prominent and successful prosecutor, and the same passion that had convinced Julie to marry him after seven months of knowing each other had turned into an inhuman rage that had eaten away at her soul. Years of venomous words and explosive arguments had finally turned into something real, and the moment he attempted to smash a vase on Julie’s head, which she had blocked with her now bleeding arm, was the moment she knew she had to escape, or she would be carried out as a corpse. There had been slaps and pinches before, but a line had been crossed that even Julie couldn’t deny. Donny, upon realizing the damage he had done, began to weep and apologize, before shuffling out the door to buy bandages from the store.

But Julie was not fooled by regretful words and crocodile tears. She ran to her car, carrying a leather duffel bag that she had packed with important papers and her most prized possessions. She had packed this bag weeks before, even when she couldn’t bring herself to leave, because something deep within her told her to prepare. Within three minutes, she was out of the house and speeding to the highway’s onramp, terrified that Donny would see her.

Now, Julie sat in the Holden’s living room, staring at the piano she had practiced on for years. Beneath the bench sat her leather bag. It had been a wedding gift from Charlie. Inscribed on the lug tag were the words “To the Greatest Adventure”. How ironic that the bag had been used to bring her back to his family’s home. Mrs. Holden brought over a bucket of warm water and began to carefully wash the drying blood off Julie’s arm. Julie could barely remember how she had ended up in front of their home, but nowhere in her life had there been as much stability and love as within these walls, and something had guided her here. The words had run like a waterfall, and once she had finished her story she had fallen into silence as Mrs. Holden had rushed to tend to her wounds.

The door closed softly, and footsteps hurried towards the living room.

“Hey Jules.”

There he stood. Charlie. She simultaenously saw a man, and the boy he once was, standing before her. He carried with him a medical kit, and he knelt beside her to inspect her wounds.

“This gash is deep, you’re going to need stitches, we can go to the regional hospital at...”

“NO.”

Charlie nodded and looked down. Hospitals meant records, and Donny had powerful friends throughout the entire state. Charlie had only met the man once, but he understood immediately that he was not someone to be challenged lightly. There was no way of predicting what Donny would do to find her.

“Ok. I’ll do it then.”

Once her arm was stitched and bandaged, Mrs. Holden took Julie to the bathroom for a shower. When she finally emerged in clean clothes, Charlie was just re-entering the house.

“I put your car in the barn so no one can see it from the road.”

“Thank you.”

Regret, and grief, and exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed Julie. As she stared at Charlie, tears welled up and for the first time since everything had begun, she wept. He walked towards her and lightly touched her shoulder, before embracing her as she leaned into him. So many wrong choices, so many hurts. If only she had done things differently, if only...

“Hey. I know it’s really bad right now, but you’re here, and you’re safe, and it’s going to be ok. I won’t let him find you.”

Julie cried, and cried. They sat on the floor, and after an hour, Julie fell asleep onto Charlie’s shoulder. Slowly and carefully, Charlie lifted Julie and carried her up the stairs and through the corridor they had built to access the lofted apartment in the barn. A large bed sat framed by bookshelves. A window seat looked out the side of the barn towards the pond and the pastures. An armchair leaned against the wall, with a lamp gently covered the room in a soft glow. Charlie slowly laid Julie onto the bed, and tucked her beneath the down blankets, before retiring to the chair.

Julie awoke hours later, with a start. The room was still lit, and she immediately saw Charlie sleeping in the chair next to her. For the first time in years, her heart quieted. She thought of Charlie, and all their years, and she thought of Donny, and all his rage. What a stark difference to the love Donny proclaimed for her. Now this, this was what love looked like. Love was not extravagant meals and lavish gifts. Love was not hate-filled yelling followed by empty apologies. Love was never found at the end of a fist. Love is gentle. Love is steady. Love lasts through any night, and any distance, and any storm. She had always been loved; she just never knew how to see it before. And this love, Julie knew, would power her through whatever terror or joy tomorrow would hold.