family comes first

I’ve heard of bombings happening in the news. Seen on TV that they’ve happened in other places across the country––across the globe. They started in the major cities, but then other places, too. This war…was something big. Something different.

My family is tight. Two kids, two parents; my mom and dad care for us very much, even if they sometimes don’t know how to show it. My older brother Jesse is home visiting from college, he keeps asking me to share my writing with him. I keep telling him it’s not good.

We live in a small blue house in a neighborhood that isn’t clean but also isn’t dirty. Our neighbors are quiet and so are we. I like it this way.

My girlfriend Adeleine lives out of state––down south in Tennessee. We talk online every day. I got us a pair of matching heart lockets and mailed one of them to her a while back…I only take mine off to shower and sleep, and I know Addy’s never without hers, either.

In the night there are sirens. I wake up to Jesse shaking me wildly. His eyes are wide and his hair is disheveled. C’mon Penny, he says. We need to leave. Now. He’s yanking me out of bed by the arm. Let’s go.

I’m reaching for my nightstand. I need my locket, I tell him.

There’s no time. Please, Penn.

He pulls me out of our shared bedroom. Our parents are waiting for us in the kitchen. They’re carrying duffle bags Jesse and I used to bring on camping trips when we were kids. All four of us are still in our pajamas as our parents usher us outside and into our car.

I have so many questions as my mother desperately fumbles with the key in the ignition so she can start the car. Where are we going? What’s going on?

The car reverses out of the driveway and my mother speeds off our street and towards town. She’s usually such a careful driver.

There’s been a bombing, my brother explains, nearby. They’re expecting another right over our neighborhood.

There’s an exit onto the highway from our town––my mom takes it.

My hometown grows smaller and smaller as my mother continues speeding away. When it’s small enough to be covered by the palm of my hand over my window, a pin falls from the sky.

Everything goes red. I scream. My father cries. Jesse holds me tight to him.

My mother stays silent. Her only focus is the road.

We have to go back, I cry. We can’t just leave everyone else there.

By the time we get back there will be nothing left, says my mom. It’s the first time she’s spoken since I’ve been woken up. We have to keep each other safe––the four of us. Family comes first.

I start to cry, my hands balling into fists and nails digging into my skin until it hurts. I cry myself to sleep, still held tight in Jesse’s arms.

When I wake up we’re stopped at a gas station. Jesse’s gone but his jacket is draped over me like a blanket. My mother is also gone, but my father is still here. He’s now in the driver’s seat.

Through the rearview mirror he sees me perk my head up. How are you doing? he asks me.

I ignore the question. Where are we going?

South, he says. That’s all we really know.

South. Addy was south. Has Tennessee been hit?

Probably. He sees my pained expression. But it’s a big state. Maybe Adeleine’s okay.

I put a hand over where my locket should be. Yeah. Maybe.

We can look for her if you want.

I nod. Please.

He reaches his hand back to me. I take it and he gives it a squeeze. It’s going to be okay.

I know he’s saying that to himself more than me.

Jesse and my mother return and now we’re back on the road. My father tells everyone, We’ll try Tennessee. See if there’s anything there.

It’s a sixteen hour drive, but we split it into chunks. My mom, dad, and Jesse all take shifts driving. I mostly sleep, too tired and scared to stay awake. My whole body is stiff and sore and I haven’t even thought about food despite my stomach’s constant rumbling.

When we get to Tennessee––to where I know Adeleine lives (or lived)––there’s nothing. I run up to the remains of her house ahead of my family and look around, running my hands through my hair. She has to be somewhere. She has to be.

My family sees my distress. Jesse gives me a hug and wipes the tears from my eyes. Maybe she went looking for you? he suggests.

Went looking for me? Right…I can’t have been the only one of us who thought to go looking for the other. Maybe we just missed each other. There’s still time to retrace our steps and find her. I look to my parents.

Can we go back? I ask. Please?

They look at each other. Then at me. My father sighs, We should keep moving. On the radio there was a broadcast about a town in Virginia––that’s not far.

But Addy––

I’m sorry, Penn. Family comes first.