Embarrassing Secret

A Monster's Diet

By Lightning BoltPublished 3 years ago • Updated 2 years ago • 4 min read

It was a creature of chaos, a devotee of disorder, a purveyor of peril.

It was an instigator of insanity.

It was older than dirt, tougher than nails, bad to the bone, ugly as sin, a bald-faced liar with a checkered past— to be avoided like the plague. Bent out of shape, a fearsome force to be reckoned with, It was unstoppable, unkillable, unfathomable. It still trafficked in the physical, however...

......so it needed to eat.

The villain often walked like a man and talked like a man, but It was actually an unnatural abomination clothed in thin threads of normality. It was gross detestation at Its core.

It took a lot of meticulous upkeep for a nightmare to maintain an ideal dream-form. Besides spending countless hours at the gym, It had to choose a different chiseled face weekly (they wore out so fast!). It pilfered alluring heads from various vain victims, pulling their misappropriated handsomeness down over Its own hideous crown.

Its humanity was never questioned. Homo sapiens were so arrogant, believing they were the only sentient beings in the universe.

HA!

It was charismatic and amiable, but underneath the fashionable veneer of a gentleman was a thoroughly ignoble imp that could smell suffering from six miles away, like a shark scenting blood in the water.

Surprisingly, Its favorite color was red (blood red, thankfully!)— although, admittedly, black was more slimming on It.

In its leisure time, It relished hanging out on Facebook, especially since 2016. It was thrilled by all the ripe, toxic divisiveness that was always only a couple clicks away! The Internet was Its friend. Unfortunately, however, It had already had so many different accounts get hit with permanent (supposedly 'lifetime') bans on all the various social media platforms that it almost wasn't worth the effort trying to get online anymore.

It was proud to boast that throughout Its infamous past, It had personally dined on all the True Greats, everyone from Stalin and Hitler, to Atilla the Hun and Genghis Kahn. It drank Koolaid with Jim Jones! It ate midnight snacks with Jeffery Dahmer!

It often did personal horoscopes for the Zodiac Killer. It saw exactly who was on the grassy knoll and It had always known Jack the Ripper's secret identity. It cherished Its memories of illicit hayloft romps with Lizzie Borden.

It still sang Dame Alice Kyteler's praises (and always would)! Now that was one truly amazing bitch!

On the other hand, John Wilkes Booth was an abysmal actor— no matter what everyone said.

The monster's mouth watered for all those old compatriots, the genuinely wicked ones who had come out fast and were gone even faster. When It reminisced about all the beautiful banquets they had together (especially with Jeffery, and Albert Fish), It wanted to go all kummerspeck in response.

It really didn't need to eat that often, just once every week or so. It could actually go a full sixty-six nights without feeling starved. When It finally did need a meal, It took on flesh-and-blood to hunt flesh-and-blood. Then It reverted back to Its greater gloom again when It fed. It ate in the ‘nude,’ shedding Its tattooed three-dimensional body for something less confining. When anguish was ripe and agony abounded, the monster lost Itself to gluttony. When disasters happened, especially the most terrible calamities, a mortal's stomach was not nearly big enough to contain all those delicacies of horror.

Always clothed in the finest inked skin.

Nightmares made It hungry. Torture made It ravenous. Someone moaning in their sleep clanged Its dinner bell. A scream of pain was Its ear candy.

It was a parasite that feasted on misery, madness, and mourning. It was a terrorist that thrived on anger, vengeance, and fear. It gorged Itself on the envy of the coveting masses. It feasted on the criminal intent of the wicked. It lapped up the furious swill that was secreted by people’s most private perversions. Cable 'News' channels had become Its Grubhub, delivering right to Its door!

Immorality always awoke Its appetite. Bigotry made It thirsty. And hatred was the finest delicacy of all.

Murder was Its meat.

Disgust was Its drink.

And Its favorite dessert was DESPAIR.

The infernal creature generally ate healthy but It did have one embarrassing weakness...