Doctor Liam

It’s complete BS that cars can’t park on the grounds. What if my patient needs an ambulance? As the wonderful and compassionate doctor I am, it’s a major inconvenience to park fifteen minutes away right outside the brothel. If I want a lady of the night, I’d ring my ex-wife. Having to walk through these humid crowds is bad for my complexion. As soon as this appointment is over, I’m heading straight to the salon.

Most of my job revolves around travelling to these remote mansions and office blocks. I’m like one of those social media influencers and live like a celebrity. I have the cheek bones and plump lips to boot.

The patient I’m about to see is the daughter of Professor Denki. He has a bank balance that makes billionaires eyes water, so he pays well.

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother coming? He never listens to me, and it’s hard to get some human interaction in the place. Sometimes I see him, sometimes I don’t. If I do see him, I’d like to prescribe him a punch in the face. They never taught me boxing at medical school. A part of me is also intoxicated with Harumi. When she’s not in comatose, she’s a joy to be around. She almost heals me as much as I try to treat her. Of course, she wouldn’t be in this state if her father didn’t hack into her brain all the time.

In small doses, brain hacking can work wonders. It can cure cancers, make one able to speak a dozen languages and treat dementia. The problem is when one becomes addicted into creating the perfect being. A bad brain hack wrecks your immune system. The white tower I enter was home to 100 floors, 50 businesses, 3000 employees and the birth of robot rights. Every where I look, I see washed out faces in white tunics. No room for diversity or individual spirit… it’s such a shame.

See, if I was in charge there would be no uniforms. People could come in their birthday suit for all I care. I’d get rid of those tacky marble slacks and bring some colour and life into the place.

A robot the size of a toddler greets me on the top floor. I think her name is Kiki or something, can’t remember. I always find her heart shaped eyes striking. “Good morning. Welcome to the Robots Have Feelings Cooperation's Private Headquarters. You are standing outside the private residence of Professor Denki and his family. Access is made via appointment only. How many I help you?”

“I’m Doctor Liam. I’m here to see Harumi Denki.”

Kiki bleeped. Her eyes turned red. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. In a few words, give a reason for your visit.”

Here we go again. “Doctors appointment.”

“Pleased to meet you, Doctor. Who have you come to see?”

“Harumi.”

“Are you Doctor Liam?”

“Yes!”

Her eyes go blue. “Please look into my eyes. Authorizing visit…Visitor verified. Please follow me.”

Kiki leads me to Harumi’s room. It’s great to see that her bedroom remains a massive library. My heart goes for Harumi in her slumber state. A young woman of her age should be enjoying life. “Does Harumi still have carers coming in?”

“The robots that supervise Harumi’s needs have all had to go into maintenance mode. They will be fully functional in approximately 7 hours, thirty-four minutes, and fifteen seconds.”

“How has Harumi and her twins have been?”

“Harumi’s daughter is healthy and well. Professor Denki takes good care of her.”

“What about her son?”

“No such son exists.”

“Where is Yasuke Denki?”

“Searching for Yasuke Denki….I’m sorry, that person does not exist.”

“Did he die?”

“I’m a poetry bot. Records of death are not in my program. I’m sorry. My software hasn’t been updated in three years, so I can be bugger at times.”

This has got to be a wind up, surely. “You don’t say. Can I speak to Professor Denki?”

“You need to book an appointment!”

“Can I book an urgent appointment with Professor Denki?”

“Booking urgent appointment...Professor Denki will see you in ten minutes.”

“Can’t I have a video call with him?”

“I’m sorry, video calls are not in my program.”

While I wait for the Professor to come, I check Harumi’s blood pressure, bloods and vital signs. I remember when you had to send everything off to some lab. Mobile doctors like me need everything on the go and my analysers give instant results, which is convenient but it takes away the joy out of it.

Everything seems to be in normal range, but her brain waves are all over the place. This is typical for patients with hacked and genetically modified brains. Episodes of comatose and violent seizures are common, but Harumi’s case is the most extreme I’ve ever had.

“Hello Doctor! How is Harumi?”

“Stable.” If only I could drop all my professional manners and kick him in the balls. “But my advise remains the same: brain hacking is doing much more damage to your daughter.”

“But she is fluent in 20 languages, is insanely beautiful and talented. How can brain hacking be bad?”

I’ve never met a man so deluded. People forget this is the same man who cheated on his first wife for a robot whilst she was miscarrying. I know his first missus did some dreadful stuff too, but there was no need to stoop to their levels. “By the way, there’s one thing I must ask you?”

“Yes?” I know he will think it’s none of my business, but as a doctor, it’s my job to report and act upon things that are dangerous to my patients. “So where is your grandson?”

Professor Denki laughs. “I swapped him for a crate of Icelandic beer.”

“How could you do such a thing?”

“I know, Irish beer is far superior!”