Diary of a Single Woman

1-13-22

Dear Diary,

It has been a crazy start to the new year. I was hopeful. Ok, that’s a lie. I wasn’t. Though I didn’t mention it in my last entry, I do not like when people say to me, “this year is going to be great.” To me it implies some higher power has control over how the year will be. Quite frankly, I believe we are in charge of whether we are going to have a great year or not. The year will throw challenges at you and when it does, you need to decide exactly how you are going to overcome them. Your decisions and choices will always have a consequence which will be in your favor sometimes and in other times it won’t. In the end, the outcome of your year is mainly up to how you deal with the tribulations of life.

The start of my new year seemed promising. Career-wise, my life has been going very well. I am grateful I am not struggling financially. To ensure my personal struggles don’t revolve around finances, I make sure I stay responsible with my work. I make my deadlines and consistently working on new projects to introduce and use for future editions. Personally, my life isn’t too bad either. Aside from not being in a romantic relationship, I would feel everything is ok. Not perfect, but ok. Yes, I know I still need to work out the issue of me and dating, but the caveat is I am able to travel to exciting places in the world on a whim. Who can say they can do that? Not many, especially if you have a family with kids. You might be able to travel with just you and your spouse, but adding kids to the mix makes traveling much more expensive and difficult.

Truth be told, life can throw unexpected curveballs at you and no matter how strong of a batter you are. This is the case with this week when I received a late night phone call from Maddi I wasn’t prepared for.

“Kathy,” I could see the tears on her face through the video image emitting through my phone and her muffled voice as she tried to speak. “I, I don’t know what to do?”

Since I hadn’t spoke to Maddi in months, I only assumed everything was going well in her life. She had her prince charming and gave birth two children, who are now respectively one and two years old. To see her crying late at night left me perplexed. “Oh my God, Maddi, what’s wrong? Are the babies ok?” I deducted she was looking for emotional support in dealing with a baby crisis.

“John hasn’t come home yet.” Ok, something happened between her and her husband.

“What do you mean, he hasn’t come home? Isn’t he always home at this time?” It seemed odd because John had a cushy 9-5 CEO position at a prestigious company and he enjoyed returning to his family after work.

Maddi tried to focus on what she wanted to say, but still distorted some words with her sobs,

“He did, but we got into a fight and he left.”

“A fight? About what?” Truthfully, I was always curious what the upper class could possibly be fighting over. Maybe it was which couch to purchase or which vase to put where in the house. Shouldn’t John just leave the interior decorating to Maddi? Wouldn’t that make life easier for both of them?

“He’s been working long hours lately. So, we were talking about him working remotely from home, you know, to be here with me and the kids more. He told me ‘as the CEO, I have to go into the office. There’s paperwork I need to finish. Besides no one wants to hear a crying baby in the background.’ I tried to tell him it wasn’t like this before and he could work in the den on the other side of the house, which only made him angrier and he started shouting how the company’s profits are suffering and how I don’t know shit about running a company. Before I knew what was going on, he was already out of the door.”

The COVID curse strikes again. I had read about how many companies are closing because of the massive amount of resignations due to the pandemic. I just never connected the dots to Maddi and her husband’s life.

“Oh Maddi, I’m so sorry to hear this. Have you tried calling him?”

“I have, but he hasn’t answered any of my texts or phone messages,” Maddi added as if there was more she wanted to share. “I’m a horrible wife and mother. I have been staying here doing the best I can to be the perfect house wife for him. I try to be on time with his meals and take care of our child the best I can. I think he thinks I’m horrible and that’s why he just goes back to the office. He once complained about my cooking once and we almost got into an argument over it.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. I don’t remember Maddi ever being so docile before. During our high school days, she was so independent and strong about feminism. She seemed like a different person. Is that how parenthood changes you?

“Maddi, do you want me to come over?” I already knew what the response would be, but I felt I still had to make the attempt because I had not seen Maddi in-person since her Halloween party.

“I would like that, but you know John wouldn’t want you here.” The words still hurt to hear. Ever since they had their first child, John restricted people from coming over. At first, I thought because Tony, their first child, was born during a pandemic and they didn’t want to risk having him catch COVID. As the pandemic continued and vaccines were developed, John still refused to have anyone visit the home. I’m still thinking it’s because of COVID, and he was just being extra cautious about it.

“Why? Why is he so reluctant to have anyone over?” I bravely spat out over the phone while trying to give her a serious glare.

Maddi put her head down on the screen. She continued crying profusely. I felt bad for asking the question, but I had to know. Was it really because of COVID, or was there more?

“I don’t know,” Maddi whispered.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Did you ask him?”

“I tried, but he just ignores me. I keep telling him I want my friends over to see the kids, too.”

Too? Wait, what? “Maddi, what do you mean, too?”

Maddi raised her head and looked back at me through the phone. She still hadn’t taken off her makeup and her mascara was starting to make its mark down her cheeks. “He’s had his family and friends over a lot. I asked about his friends and he says they’re here for work, but when I bring them snacks and drinks, they’re just watching football,” she confessed.

“Maddi, are you telling me that John won’t let you have anyone over? Not even your family?”

“Well,” she started, “He says he knows that my friends would want to see the children and he doesn’t want to risk having our kids become sick. All of his friends just stay in the man cave.”

“Ok, yeah, but what about your family?”

“According to John, they would have to travel to us since they are in Chicago and that would mean going through the airports. So, he doesn’t want to risk it.”

Something didn’t seem right with all of this. I had a feeling there was more to the situation than Maddi was willing to share over the phone.

“John’s a good man, really he is. He cares a lot about me and the kids. This whole COVID thing is just making things crazy. I miss hanging out with you and the girls. I just don’t know what to do. I am trying to be a good wife to him, but watching him just walk out on me like this is crazy.”

“Maddi, I don’t think John is being the best he can be you know…” I started. I had a malicious feeling about their relationship and didn’t know how I was going to tell Maddi.

“No, he’s the best! You’ve seen my house. There’s enough food for us all the time. We never go hungry and the kids are healthy.” Maddi protested immediately.

I shook my heard, “But Maddi, don’t you see, you don’t have any freedom. He’s keeping you away from everyone.”

“Well, of course he is. Don’t you know the first few years of a child are important? John’s parents even agree that I need to be home with them all the time to ensure they stay healthy and nothing happens to them. That’s my job.” Maddi became defensive.

“Yeah, but—- ”

“Yeah, but nothing. I didn’t call you to be critical of my husband. I call you hoping that you would support me. Why are you trying to make him into some sort of monster?” I hit a nerve with that question because Maddi ceased crying.

“Maddi, we’ve been friends since high school. We are like sisters. You know how much I love you. I don’t mean you any disrespect, but he hasn’t let you see anyone. The only time I get to see you is when you facetime me.”

“Wait, so now you’re trying to say you’re an expert on parenting?” She interrupted. “You don’t have any children, so you don’t know what it takes. When you have your first child, then you can give me advice on parenting. And when you get married, maybe then you’ll understand what I am going through. I knew calling you was a mistake,” Maddi disconnected immediately leaving me alone to deal with the aftermath of the discussion.

She was right. I don’t have kids. I don’t know what it takes to raise a baby, let alone two of them. She was there, taking care of both babies on her own. Maybe John and his parents were right in their child rearing methods. I just don’t understand why they wouldn’t allow Maddi to go out with her friends? Or, why they were against Maddi’s parents coming over? If they knew anything about raising children, then they should know the importance of the mother’s mental health.

Furthermore, I am single. I don’t know what it’s like to be in a committed relationship. How could I? I haven’t had any romantic relationship last longer than a two or three months. I have many friends who are in marriages and there seemed to be a balance on freedom and trust. I thought Maddi has something like that in her marriage, but after tonight’s conversation, I beginning to think it doesn’t exist.

I placed my phone down to digest everything I just heard. I decided that I would send a follow up text to her later and hope that she replies. Fuck COVID! I am really hoping this is the beginning of the end. Then, maybe I can see my high school best friend again.

Author’s Note: First time reader? Read where it all began and other entries of this on-going series: Click here to Table of Contents