Diary of a Single Woman

January 1

Happy New Year, Diary!

The holiday season is here. Admittedly, prepping for the end of the year seems like a sprinted marathon than anything else, even when you’re single. I know most people think single people are lucky because there is not much that goes into preparing for the end of the year. True, I don’t have a family to care for, I don’t have to worry about end of the year traditions to follow, preparing gifts, or a dinner, for a large group of people. However, I am not immune to the crazy holiday shuffle that people in a relationship have to deal with.

I still have my end of the year deadlines for my career. Additionally, there are the parties I am always invited to (both Christmas and New Year’s). I have to decide if I should or should not make an appearance to these events. Keep in mind, these events are more or less a “let’s see if we can hook Kathy up with someone” party. Since everyone knows I am single, they are always trying to find the perfect match for me. Finally, there are the dinners with my associates and friends (if they are available). Usually, I try to meet up with Maddi before the year ends, but as her family continues to grow, it becomes hard to coordinate our free time to meet up together.

What I have noticed as the years beyond college grow, my circle of friends shrinks. During college, I had 4-5 women I would always be with. Since graduation and starting with Maddi, each one of them have found someone, married them, and started a family. Once that happens, we become glaciers in the Arctic and slowly drift apart. We’re still close, it’s just more text messages and less face to face interaction.

As Christmas rolled near, my old group of friends and I were not able to coordinate our time to meet up for the annual dinner. I did attend some work related parties and of course, was introduced to a variety of men who did not seem interesting enough to engage in anything more than acquaintance level. Of course, they did not quite get the hint as they still insisted on taking me out on a date via text. It left me wondering if I should reconsider some of their offers just to shake the loneliness that was starting to surround me.

At one point, I considered planning another trip to New York to visit Lauren, but I did not want to impose on her schedule. We had just met and I don’t really know what her family situation is like. We have been exchanging text messages off and on after I returned home, but it has mostly resembled small talk. Simply: “How you doing?” “What’s new in your life?” I assumed it was because we both have been so busy with work (and the time difference), there is very little room available to hold any deep conversations, let alone talking on the phone. I decided I would just book a hotel room and have a little staycation instead.

I found a wonderful resort on the ocean, complete with a spa, a balcony with a stunning view of the mountains that surround the resort, and a wood burning fireplace in the room. It was my own personal retreat to restart my mind, spirit, and body. Again, this is one of the perks of being single. If you don’t like the holidays, you can just travel and go someplace to forget about how insane people become over their search for the best gift item, or the perfect Christmas decorations, and more. To be honest, it was exactly what I needed to avoid holiday chaos. To ensure that I would have solitude, I made sure no one knew I was going. I didn’t want anyone to interrupt my “me time” (funny, since I live alone and have tons of ‘me-time’) with something trivial as gathering on Christmas morning.

In the past, I had been invited to Christmas lunches and dinners, and what I don’t think people really understand is how depressing it is for someone who is single to be invited to these intimate family events. I know their hearts are in the right place and they want to include me so I won’t feel lonely, but the truth is: watching families open up gifts and share memories they experienced together throughout the year is a hardcore reminder on just how lonely you really are. I don’t have a family to share those memories with. I don’t have a significant other who had those experiences with me. Each shared memory during the family gathering strikes a nail of depression deep in my heart and is the reason I stopped accepting Christmas gathering invitations. I’ve discovered it’s more healing to travel away from home to reset myself.

I enjoyed the spa services of the hotel and it was refreshing to spend the day comfortably in a warm room, with the fire slowly burning at night. I was able to stay in bed and enjoy a long ignored novel. Luckily, the lodge had other activities to do as well. It didn’t leave me trying to figure out what to do with my three-day getaway. Asking the activities desk, I was able to take in scenic views of the ocean complimenting the mountain views. Granted it was a bit chilly on the beach, I still enjoyed the hike to the beach (and the wonderful hot tub after the hike).

I kept my human interaction to a minimal. Though I did received the Christmas text from Lauren, I decided to keep it simple in my response back to her. It made me contemplate if I should book a flight to New York for New Year’s. I checked some of the flight prices. Of course they were ridiculously high (even to my standards), so going back to New York was out of the question. I decided to engage in a little conversation with Lauren.

Me: Merry Christmas! What are you up to today?

Lauren: Family stuff. U?

Me: I decided to take a little staycation

Lauren: Lucky! I wish I could do that. Families b cray.

Me: LOL, IKR.

Lauren: Did u talk to ur editors?

Me: I did! They seemed to like the idea and we’re going to discuss it in the new year.

Lauren: That’s awesome! Gosh, I wish u were here. U could steal me out of this family business.

Me: That bad?

Lauren: Nah, I do love ‘em. It’s just a lot of work. Y don’t u visit ur fam?

Me: Long story. I’d have to call you for those details.

Lauren: O, well, I better get going. We’re going 2 lunch next.

Me: Gotcha! Have fun! Text when you can.

Lauren: Of course, single lady! Enjoy ur private getaway, hot shot.

Me: LOL. You slay me.

After our texts, I sent out my usual “Merry Christmas” text to my other friends and associates, as well as answer any that were sent to me.

That was pretty much my Christmas, quiet and in a solitude of recovery from my chaotic life.

Back to New Year’s Day

Now, it’s a new year. I don’t know what this year holds. I have been around long enough to know (well, actually thanks to previous years, posts on social media, friends, and more) that resolutions don’t necessarily work. I have watched many people create resolutions only to abandon them within the first month of the new year (myself included). I have witnessed many people create behavior changing goals, only to watch them resort back to who they have always been. I have been a firm believer in creating what we call: SMART goals for myself.

For those wondering a SMART goal is simply Specific Measurable Attainable Relevant and Time-based goal. I feel creating these types of goals with friends is usually more successful and your friends can hold you accountable for the goals you create. With this way of thinking, this year some of my goals are:

Work on widening my social circle. I feel going to New York was just the start. I was able to meet Lauren. I do hope that continues to develop into a wonderful friendship/sisterhood, especially since more and more of my old friends have abandoned me for their own nuclear family. Making new connections and friends is indeed difficult for adults in their 30s because so many people have already met someone and settled down into a new lifestyle, while I remain stagnant in time. Age-less as I continue the same lifestyle I led when I was in college (minus the excessive partying).

Widen my readers. I am lucky to have two jobs that allow me to write almost what I want, but I want to figure out a way to help the each company expand their readers, even if it means reevaluating what I write about. There’s so much in the world we live and I believe a lot of what we see goes unnoticed because we are blinded by our daily responsibilities. If I can help widen people’s eyes to the world around them, perhaps they will also see the beauty that exists even without reading my articles.

Learn more about myself. Ok, this one in particular is not a SMART goal per say, but I do feel like (especially in my 30s) I need to start trying to figure out who I am. There are so many questions I have about myself that have remained unanswered since my parent’s death (a story for another entry). Of course, this diary has been helpful and I am glad I started it. What I have learned about myself so far (aside from the fact that I enjoy writing) is I do want to be in a relationship. I still am confused on why I can’t find the right man to fulfill this emptiness. I need to try to figure out why physical contact freaks me out (as you have seen in other entries). Let this be the year I try to learn more about who I am.

I am hoping this diary continues to help me reach these goals. Until next entry, make it a great year!

Note from Author. Thank you all the readers of this mini-series, and to any new readers. As I continue moving forward with Kathy and her adventures, I have decided it would be helpful to have a little table of contents, especially since future entries of her diary will refer back to other entries. I have created a link sheet for your convenience. Please feel free to go back and revisit past entries to help you stay fresh on Kathy. Table of Contents