Cigar Cottage

"Please, Arthur," Mary would say again with a smile, “don’t light that smelly cigar in the house. It makes the entire house reek.”

“Why not just bake another pie? That would rid the house of the cigar smell and we’d be treated to a wonderful apple and cinnamon aroma, not to mention, a wonderful dessert!”

“Oh, Arthur,” she would say with a twinkle in her eye as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

It was a game they played often, each knowing the obvious outcome. Arthur would never smoke his cigar in the house and Mary baked her famous apple pies every Saturday afternoon.

One hot, summer afternoon in early August, their neighbor and Mary’s best friend, Alice stopped by for a cup of tea. “How do you stop him? No matter what I say or do, if Henry wants to smoke in the house, he will, and it doesn’t matter how many pies or cakes I make. The house still holds that horrible smell. I don’t know what to do. How do you stop Arthur?”

Mary thought about this and wondered how she could help. She’d been in Alice’s house and knew her friend was right. The house although clean, smelled terrible.

“Alice,” Mary said gently, “the only advice I can give you will require more housework on your part. You need to wash all the curtains in the house, then polish all the furniture with lemon, wash the windows with vinegar, and wipe down the walls. You would be surprised at how yellow everything is from the smoke.”

Alice, not quite believing that smoke could do all that, decided on an experiment. She’d take down and wash the curtains on one window and compare them. After she'd done that, she was astonished. She, then, removed all the curtains, soaked them before washing, then hung them outside to dry. While the curtains were drying, she washed the walls and floor, all the while thinking, “I’m thankful the room is small. If this were the size of Suzanne’s house, I think by now, I’d be crying.” Suzanne was a woman they'd known for many years whose house was large enough to fit Mary's and Alice's in it together. Yet, Alice continued until the room was finished. Tomorrow, she surmised, she would begin on another room.

Once done, with the now clean curtains rehung, the room sparkled. Then, her husband came home from work and immediately, stuck a cigar in his mouth.

“Oh, no! Don’t you dare! I just washed the entire room, and I don’t want you and your cigar making it smell again!”

“Alice, if a man wants to smoke in his own home, he has every right to do so, and don’t remind me that Arthur doesn’t. When it comes to dealing with his wife, he’s a coward. He tucks his tail between his legs and it’s ‘yes, dear,’ ‘no dear’ and whatever!”

“Henry, it’s not like that. He loves and respects his wife and their home; enough so that he wants to keep it clean and smelling fresh.”

“And, by the way,” he said more deliberately, “when do you plan to make another pie?”

Putting her hands on her hips, her nose in the air, she replied indignantly, “When you stop smelling the house up with your cigars!”

It was a difficult situation where there was no amicable solution in sight.

Living in Florida, everyone kept their windows open to allow the breezes to blow through and the scent of pies escape out. Several homes, however, permeated their yards with the strong smell of cigar smoke. Many women weren’t happy with the smell, but not knowing what else to do, tolerated it.

Mary knew this and wanted to weep for her friend but knew there wasn’t anything she could do. However, Arthur, also not liking how the smell from a cigar lingered in the air, produced a plan.

“Mary, I have an idea that might help Alice and I know in the long run it’ll help me, as well.”

“I’m listening,” she said as she brought to the table the pot of tea she just finished brewing. She set the tray with the teapot and cups on the table.

“We have a large piece of land here,” he began.

After listening to his plan, Mary marveled. “Oh, Arthur, that’s a wonderful idea. Do you think we can really do that?”

“I don’t see why not” he said as Mary walked to his desk and retrieved a pencil and piece of paper.

“Can you draw it for me?”

“Well, I’m not really much of an artist but I can try, but wait, I have a better idea. You’re the artistic one in this family. What if I told you what I wanted, and you drew it? Can we do this?”

Mary secretly hoped he would but wanted him to think it was all his idea. After all, the concept was, so why not the design, as well!

She picked up the pencil and drew a simple house. The more she and Arthur discussed the plan, the more she drew. The more she drew, the more changes were made to the design.

Finally, after three hours and two pots of tea, they were done. It looked just as Arthur had wanted. It wasn’t fancy, but it wasn’t plain either. It was close enough to the main house where Arthur wouldn’t have far to walk in the rainy weather, yet far enough away to keep the odor of cigar smoke from seeping through the open windows of the main house. The distance also allowed the pleasant aroma of pies to fill the air undisturbed.

Once Mary and Arthur decided on the exact location, they measured the area to ensure they had enough room to complete their project. Arthur approached a local contractor with the plans, and after settling on a cost, both agreed to construct the small building. Arthur also asked the contractor to keep the details of the building a secret. Arthur and Mary discussed this and decided to wait until its completion before announcing its use.

The building wasn’t large. Arthur had it designed with only two rooms: one large room to serve as a sitting room and the smaller room would be for the indoor toilet. The only concern Mary had was the cleanup. While she hadn’t spoken to Arthur about it, she had no interest or intention to clean it herself. She didn’t have to worry about that as Arthur, much to Mary’s delight had arranged for a few repair people to come in monthly and do the cleaning.

The time came for the unveiling. Arthur never put a veil over the house, but neither did he brag about why he built it – until one Saturday afternoon.

Mary and Arthur invited a few friends over for afternoon tea and pie. Their friends were delighted knowing how delicious Mary’s pies were and men and women, alike were more than curious to know the purpose of new building.

Arthur kept quiet for the longest time, but every so often, would cast a sly smiling glance at Mary.

Tea and pie finally consumed, it was now time. The men were beginning to reach in their pockets for their cigars.

“Gentlemen,” Arthur announced as he stood. “Before you consider striking a match, please follow me. Ladies, you’re more than welcome to see what Mary and I have been doing these past few weeks.”

They all stood and followed Arthur outside where he walked the few yards from his home.

Each stood at the front door of the smaller house and waited. From behind a bush, Arthur retrieved the sign Mary made and had hidden just waiting for the right time for Aurthur to hang it. He'd already hammered a nail in the building near the front door. Now, with sign in hand, he approached the awaiting nail.

“This here is my ‘CIGAR COTTAGE‘. You all know how Mary and I feel about having cigar odors in our home. Now, during the inclement weather, I have a place to go and smoke. Please feel free to come in and look around.”

Inside, they saw the one large room with several chairs and small tables strategically placed; a few held checker boards, others with chess boards, a few with decks of cards and each table was accompanied with ashtrays on stands.

Arthur had placed a small table with an attached cabinet in one corner that housed a few bottles of bourbon and brandy and enough glasses for everyone.

The restroom area, well, it was just a toilet area with a door for privacy.

Everyone was amazed and enviable. All agreed it was a marvelous idea.

Arthur spoke, “Gentlemen, feel free to light up your cigars!”

The women exited as the men placed their lit matches to the tip of their cigars.

As the women walked away from her husband’s new “Cigar Cottage,” Mary voiced her next thought: “Now I’ll need to build a mud room where Arthur can strip off his smelly clothes before he walks them into the house.”

The women chuckled as they made the way back to the main house for a second cup of tea and scones which the husbands knew nothing about. After all, the men had their treats in the way of cigars, now the women could enjoy the scones Mary baked just for them.

As the women entered the house, Mary glanced back at the little cottage that had once been just an idea that rumbled around inside her husband’s head.

She smiled and thought what a very appropriate name for that little building. “Hmm,” Mary said aloud, “This was one of Arthur’s greatest ideas. Cigar Cottage! I like it!”